Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day #387: It's Over

I knew it would get messed up.

It's over before it even started.

He's too busy.  Everyday.  All day.  Seven days.  I can't compete with that.

We were reduced to a text relationship.  Like a fellow blogger said, I signed a Dick Contract and I wasn't diggin' the result.  Everything was on his terms. 

I was fallin for him.  And because of that I told him that I had to stay away from him.

I wanted to reduce him to a 'screw only' status but he was in my head too much for that.  It wouldn't have worked.  It was getting to the point that if that nucca even blew on me I would melt.  It was getting out of control.

So...that's that.  I said goodbye at 3:30am this morning.  Via text. 

Did I make a mistake?  I dunno. 

Did I not give him enough time to try to change up things?  I dunno.

All I know is that I saw that UNHAPPY TRAIN coming into my station and I didn't want to get on it again.

Funny thing is, I'm still unhappy though.  So what difference did it make?

Did I make a mistake?

Only Mr. Cornrows is on the table.  That hair would probably scratch up my coochie and thighs if I let him do that cunnilingus (sp?) thang.  Anyway I don't think I'm game for looking down and seeing cornrows between my legs right now. I don't think he can spell good either.  Plus he is someone from the bar I work at and my co-worker told me point blank, "Gurl, DO NOT F*CK ANYBODY THAT COMES IN THIS BAR."  I think she may be right. 

My birthday is coming.  (rolling eyes)  Misery.

Won some tickets to a Halloween party in NYC off the radio.  Yep, I know my old school tunes and was the first to guess!  80s themed party.  I think I'm going as Salt from Salt and Pepa.  Maybe Jody Watley?  I think I'm gonna go alone though.  I'll have more fun that way.  I'll probably just sell the extra ticket that I won when I get there. 

I miss him though. 

Did I make a mistake? 

I feel remorse.  I feel sad.  I feel dumb. 
I feel like saying, "It was nice while it lasted." 
I feel like saying, "You played ya self.  Never upgrade a fella beyond d*ck status until he has proven himself to you.  When will you ever learn?"

I don't know what else to do but stay away from him.

It's raining and dreary in NYC today.  How ironic.


  1. Are you a Sag. by any chance?
    PS: Using your analogy the longer the thang the deeper it goes and the longer it takes to pull out just like affections (smile). Its best to pull out before its to late and he comes and your stuck for REAL.

  2. Actually I'm a scorpio. Bday is like two weeks away?

    I like the way u put that though! :). Great analogy jb!!!!!

    It's like ur afraid to lose what little u have by making a decision like this. That's why i keep asking did I make a mistake. My ex called me a chicken for cutting it off. He said I was scAred to take the the risk. I can't win! Lol

  3. As I told you before - you know what you can tolerate so why deliberately court disaster. I don't usually like to interfere in a brothers "game" but face it you ALWAYS find the time for whats important to you unless your deployed to Iraq or somewhere else.

  4. Wow! I believe that u will find time too but these guys sell that line. He was booking every minute of his day with clients, photo shoots, music producing, bartending, and all that. I was dead last. Last. I like a hustler but damn man.

    Thank u for saying that about the finding time thing. It was all on his terms and it was just ridiculous. I don't know if he was playing with me or what. I hate to doubt a brutha but I'll only play for so long. Maybe he wanted me to leave him alone?

    Sigh. See these mind trips is what I don't need! Ugh!

  5. Gosh, Anon's comment is the truth. I hate that evasive "I'm sooo busy" bull. I don't think you made a mistake, you may have saved yourself from deeper heartache. Another guy will come along who evokes these feelings and is ready to give you the time, attention and tingly vibes we all need :-).

  6. Hi CurvyGirl!

    Well said. No one is perfect but quality time is key. I mean u cld even set up a date night weekly and still satisfy some part of the requirement. We are all busy and I know how turned off a Beau wld be when I used to be running all the time when I my business. Eventually I learned to balance and cut things off to make time for me. But that's sumthin u gotta want to do urself. My friend above said it plain...u make changes for things that are important to u. By the weekend it will be all in the rear view mirror..I hope. Gonna make my money friday bartending; go to an after bankruptcy seminar Saturday; and party Saturday night. I'm disappointed but it will pass! Thanks for ur insight!

  7. AWWWW! I think that you have made a good choice, but I do understand the questioning that you are going through. He may have been feeling you too and if you leave him alone for a few he may miss you and suddenly "have some time". I would still ignore him...serves his a** right!!!

  8. Lol at Miss Sassyme!

    Hope things are Betta for u gurl!