Getting Too Comfortable

Last night I went to the gym to get my workout on like I do every Tuesday night.

After the classes I jumped in the shower.  I was taking my time showering because I had a date with Mr. NYPD (more on him another day) and I had a little time to kill.  So I was standing there daydreaming, leaning against the wall enjoying the steamy hot shower, and thinking about a bunch of random shyt.  Ya know just doin' my spazzing out thing. 

I was in deep thought too.  I was so deep in thought that I didn't even realize that I had been letting out these loud azz farts.  Loong, horn blowing farts...

I think I must have been on my third or fourth fart when I realized where I was!  My eyes got as big and white as two boiled eggs.   I said to myself,

"GIRL, YOU ARE NOT AT HOME OKAY!!"

So of course I stood on my tippy toes and peeked over the shower door.  I asked myself, "Did anyone hear that?  I know somebody HAD to hear that."  I didn't see anybody but there were people in the other showers.  Damn!  I quickly let one more go, washed off, and scurried out of the shower area. 

I had gotten waaaay to comfortable up in there huh?  I guess the shower reminded me of home.  I think my body is just geared to farting in the shower at times, and automatically kicked in when I used the one in the gym.  I totally forgot where I was and was having a good old time thinking about Pretty Brown and Mr. NYPD in between farts.  Too funny.

I left the gym all dressed, and was walking down the street shower fresh going to meet my date.  Kim called me as I was walking and I told her about it.  She was literally howling. 

I met up with Mr. NYPD and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

"You're looking very lovely tonight", said Mr. NYPD.
"Awwwww, thank you suga."

I think he was talking to my chest but who cares.  Thirsty azz.  As we walked along I chuckled to myself because he had no idea that I just had a fart fest in the shower.  At least I had got it all out before we sat down to dinner right?

Giggle.  I guess it was just another day in the life of me.  I really crack myself up sometimes.  I really do.

Why?

Sometimes I ask myself why do I do the things I do. 
Why I think the way I think. 
Blow off attempts of affection towards me by some.
Keep my hands 'full' and keep a selection of men. 
Line them up just like shoes in a closet. 

You can't wear them all, but when you are ready for a pair, they are within arm's reach.  I don't see anything wrong with that honestly.  I call it "exercising my options."

I was thinking about it today though...

Why do I act this way???

Then I remembered why. 

I remembered all the calls that he was supposed to make and didn't.
I remembered all the dates that were promised that didn't happen.
I remembered all the times I had to 'imagine' being with him because he chose to do other things instead of being with me.
I remembered all the times that he minimized my feelings and tried to make me feel like I was being the pain in the azz.
Damn, all I did was like you.  But for some reason it seemed as if that was a crime.

So when I ask myself why I do what I do...

I remembered the time we had sex and then you got up and left, giving me whatever excuse you thought I would believe.
I remembered all of the promises and how many of them were actually kept.
I remembered all of the let downs.  All of the lies.
I remembered doing things - nasty things - for him.  Whatever and whoever. 
Because I was young and dumb.

When I ask myself why do I think this way, I remembered feeling him.
Kissing him and wanting more. 
But I couldn't have more because he wouldn't allow it. 
He was in control. 
And he knew it. 
Everything was all about him.
"I'm busy doing this.  I'm busy doing that."
Like I'm not busy too? 
The difference was that I would make time for him and he refused to reciprocate.
All I heard was "Me, me, me, me, me!"
"I'm doing my thing."
"Trying to get my hustle on." 
Nothing about what I had to do mattered. 
Nothing about what I wanted mattered.
In fact, nothing about ME mattered at all.

I remembered how I would sit back and wonder about the whole thing. 
Asking where I went wrong. Over and over and over again until my head hurt.
But I already knew the answer.
I took a risk.  Hell anyone you meet is a risk to be honest.  You can't predict how someone will act.  How they might be towards you after the googly eyes stop being googly. 
It's all a game of chance. 
But too many times I went for it and threw my heart out there anyway.
Just for him to stomp on it. 
Then kick it in the road to get run over by cars.
I just got tired of it all.

(takes sip from a glass of wine)

So why feel like that again? 
Why torture myself?

I like men.  I really do. 
But f*ck this emotional shyt. 
This 'feeling' for him shyt.
Cuz all it does is suffocate me. 
Takes my mind off track and has me thinking crazy about myself. 
Doubting myself. 
Thinking that somehow I'm just not...
(sigh)
That I'm just "NOT."

Grrr.  See what I mean?
"Feelings" will get you all f*cked up.  Have you thinking bad about ya self.
You lose common sense.  You forget who you are.

 

You see the train coming, but 'feelings' make your azz jump right in front of it.
"I'm doing this because I love him!"
Then the train runs you over.  And then backs up and runs over you again.
Nah that's okay.  I've had enough of that.

(takes a final sip of wine, then looks at the bottom of the empty glass)

I'm not bitter. 
I get kinda tired of being hurt, ya know.
I just got lost for a little while.  But I'm getting back on track.
I just gotta remind myself why I do what I do.
Why I think how I think. 

No more bruised feelings.
No more broken heart.
No more picking myself up off the ground.
No more questioning myself and what I have to offer. 
CUZ I AM WAAAAY TOO FLY FOR THAT.

I decided long ago that I ain't standing in front of no mo' trains.  And if I have to be this way and think this way in order to prevent that, then so be it. 

The less I open myself up to feelings the less bullshyt I have to deal with.  And guess what?  It ain't meant for anyone else to understand, critcize, or even cosign.  It's my life and I gotta do what I think is best for me.  And getting caught up in some dude right now ain't it.


Et cetera...
Pretty Brown was back. And now he's not?  Guess that's why I wrote this.
Moving again.  Found out the noisy neighbor got locked up for sexually assaulting somebody.   
Therapist said I should stop callin' the Match.com date munchkin.  Because then I'll always think of him that way.  I'll leave alla that to talk about another day though.   

Match N' Munchkins

I'm staying true to my word from yesterday and coming back to blog on the little Match date last night.  And the little Match date was the date himself.

Can you say 'Munchkin'?

He was a Shawty for real, and not in a good way.  I was literally TOWERING over him in my heels.  He basically was a Black version of Popeye the Sailor.   

See those short, stumpy legs and arms?  That's what Shawty was working with.  I mean he wasn't horrible, but he was just so compact. 

On a good note he was cool to talk to though, but I had to chuckle to myself when he was talking about how females on Match don't tell the truth about themselves.  I was thinking 'include yourself short stuff. Your profile said you were 5'10".'  Um no boo bear.  How's about 5' 7".  Barely.

Overall not bad looking and he looked great for his age.  If I was crushin' on Munchkins he would be a good candidate for sure.  Smokey Robinson has a song called "Can You Love A Virgin Man", but I made a new version of it since the date last night:

How come people say

Lady Munchkin that's OK

But when the conversation turns around

Munchkin Man they always put him down

People say he's so petite,
And chile don't lemme start talking about his tiny, little feet!


Can you love,

A Munchkin man,

Oh oh,

Can you love,

A Munchkin man.

I don't think I can.  I mean when I hug a man, I wanna snuggle up and put my face on his chest.  Or at least on his shoulders!  With this one, he will be the one snuggling his face in my chest if we hugged.  I guess for him that's good (if I had big boobs), but for me nuh uh.

I'm 5'7" and I like wearing heels, so I guess height does matter to me a little.  I never really had to think about it because most of the dudes I have dealt with were at least an inch or so taller.  I had a boyfriend once that was a tad shorter than me, but that was a million years ago.  It took some getting used to but I worked with it.  Again, another muscular dude.  I'm starting to think that shawtys try to make up for their height by being muscular and built. 

I have no regrets though.  I had a nice time. 

Now for the assessment.  To make this interesting I have decided that I will make a little scorecard after each date from Match.  Hee hee, it's gonna be a fun summer bloggin' on this subject!  Can't wait. 

(rubbing hands together)

So here's the first:

Name:  Munchkin Man aka Shawty aka Popeye

I doubt if there will be a love connection here, even though he was very complimentary and a total gentleman.  But here's a rule to remember when it comes to Match:
 

Cardinal Rule No. 1 to Dating Men on Match.com:

However tall the man says he is,

subtract at least two inches.

In other news, dude on this Coochie Contract with me is getting caught up in the rapture.  I'm gonna have to put him on ice.  Fool had the nerve to ask me last night when I was gonna cook for him? 

My reply:  "I only cook for my man or potential man"

His response:  "So are you saying you are never gonna cook for me?"

What the fluck don't you understand here Dumb Donald?  These basic hood nuccas don't know how to read between the lines for shyt!  I think I pretty much answered that question in my first response.  But see, if I had answered that last one then the convo would have been gettin' into why he's not good enough to be my man and alla that.  Just unnecessary drama from someone whose face I barely look into when he's around me.  Instead of my eyes being on the prize, my eyes are on the crotch when it comes to him.  Real talk.

Oh well.  It's springtime.  Time to do some spring cleaning anyway.  Should have never bothered with his azz in the first place.  I'm working on getting him replaced anyway -- but I have to do it gently.  Delicately.  Twist it around so he thinks he let me go.  I gotta plan.  He's knows people that I know, so I gotta get my dirt on him as insurance so he will keep his mouth shut when I'm done with him.  Too much work.  Like I said, I should have never messed with his azz....

Cardinal Rule No.1 for a D*ck Roster Candidate:

Never choose a dude that knows

people you know also.  It will be easier

to dump him without hearing about it later. 

Back lata.

Day #553: Damn...I'm Slacking!

I know, I know.  I've been slacking.  Even Sassyme emailed me and asked if I was okay.  Awww thank you girl! 

I'm okay.  I think?  Giggle.

Just a lot going on.  Damn it is just too much to talk about!

For starters...I'm gonna get it cracking with this Match.com thing for the summer I guess.  Sigh.  Yeah I succumbed and reactivated my account.   Before I stopped the account because I just couldn't manage all these fools online AND on the skreets.  It was just too much to handle.  So what made me sign up again?  I'll be honest, I wasn't even thinking about this Match shyt but someone winked at me and then I decided to go browsing.  I saw this pic of this brutha on there and I was like "DAYUM".  Used to be a bodybuilder so his physique was on point.  Good looking face too.  And he lives right in my town.  So after a few weeks of debating I said what the hell.  So yep, I signed up just to talk to his azz.  LOL.  I'm pathetic I know - but so what!  I got what I wanted.  I got a date with him tonight so....

Mission accomplished.

Well let's put a maybe on that.  I'm not that excited anymore for some reason.  I talked to him on the phone a couple times and either his phone was f*cked up or he just talks f*cked up.  Not a good sign.  Maybe it's the steroids that affected him?  You know how those bodybuilders use that crap.  And didn't I read somewhere that it shrinks their d*cks too?  Hmmm.  I'll try to catch a glance at it tonight.  Hopefully he will wear some sweatpants or something that "hugs his nether regions" so I can see whassup. 

And then tomorrow, I'll be back.  Bloggin'.  Bloggin' on here talking about his azz. 

Will it be good?  Will it be bad?

T-minus 8 hours...and counting.

We shall see!

Be Careful Who You Underestimate

I have been toying around with business ideas for years.  Everything from storefronts to products to service businesses have crossed my mind.   I have tried a few businesses, hell I even tried to teach myself how to DJ so that I could do parties when I was living in Texas.  When I walk by things or go inside restaurants I wonder what it would be like to own one.  I went back to school because I wanted to work in television.  I opened up my business and then started another.  When my brother was little I was sending pics all over the place to get him at a modeling agency and he got hired.  I have always tried to hustle and figure out a plan to carve my own way. 

So last year I think of a product idea that I thought would solve a problem for some women.  I told my girl Kim and Chipotle (my blog name for my Mexican ex-boyfriend) and they both thought it was a good idea.  Chipotle is very analytical and could help me design it.  Kim is like my cheerleader on things I do, or my nay sayer on things that I shouldn't do.  I didn't feel that it was a problem to speak to them.  Anyway I just discussed with them the problem that I wanted to solve,  but I didn't have a clear visual of the product design in my head yet.  I just knew what I wanted it to do.  So for the next couple of weeks the product was just a fleeting thought at best, but still in the back of mind. 

Then one day out of the blue, another ex called me to say hello.  I talked about him before.  He is Mr. Porno because he watches that shyt on the daily.  And I do mean DAILY along with his daily jacking off routine.  He has no shame in telling you that he is addicted to porn and whacking off.  He sent me a text or two of his thang and I must say it is quite impressive.  I think he said he wanted to try out to do the pornos, but I can't remember why he didn't do it?  I think it was the unprotected sex part.  Haha.  Hey, whatever floats his boat.  He ain't my man so who cares?

I met him about seven years ago when he came to check out my business after it first opened.  The chemistry between was just smoking hot and we got along pretty cool.  We would do it in the back room of the store and then when a customer came in I had to hurry to the front looking all crazy like I wasn't doing anything.  Then we would laugh about it like crazy.  He worked at this school and I would go there after school and we would do it in the classroom.  Whew!  We were just too damn nasty back then.  He was a sweetheart too and we kicked it for a while, but it became very apparent to me that he wasn't gonna be someone to push me forward; I would just end up pulling him.  His motivation level was just non-existent.  He didn't have any real goals other than producing another kid and I certainly wasn't a candidate for that.  So eventually the intimacy faded and we evolved into friends.  Over the years we would talk to each other about anything and everything, and business.  We probably talk every few months or so.  Nothing major.

So that's the backstory.

So like I said, he called me.  This was late summer/early fall.  We were chatting and then we started talking about business and what I was doing.   I don't know how it came about exactly but I told him about the product that I was thinking about.  Fireworks!!!  He got all excited and was saying it was a great idea and that it would make money.  Mind you this guy is NOT a business-minded person, more like a how-to-get-over type of brotha so his thoughts on assessing a business idea were cool, but didn't hold a lot of weight with me.  That's being honest.  We talked some more and I was telling him my thoughts....but a little voice inside was telling me, "Are you crazy?  Don't tell anyone about your idea!  I don't care if he is cool people or not!!!"  But I kept on running my mouth and the conversation blossomed.  I then got a little worried and said to myself, in order to keep this idea close to me let me involve him in some way.  So we discussed him doing some research on a particular angle which was basically asking some female friends of his some questions.  I would do my research on the internet.  All the while he was talking and sounding all excited, I was asking myself why was I telling him.    Then I thought, "Ah, this is Mr. Wanna Be Porn Star.  He's not gonna do anything with it because he ain't motivated like that.  Don't sweat it.  I'm telling him just like I told my girl Kim and Chipotle - for feedback and that's it."

We touch bases over the next week or so and discussed his research.  Ok now he was supposed to talk to females, but he only talked to like three women.  "I'm done!"  Um no you ain't bruh!  That's not enough info and if you ask around more I might find that golden nugget.  Just keep going.  But he wanted to move fast and starts talking about "All you need to do is..."  He had a vision in his head of the product, but it wasn't solving the problem that I initially set out to solve.  I reminded him that on the Home Shopping Network they like products that SOLVE a problem.   His idea 'kinda' did it, but it wasn't quite what I was thinking.  But I didn't dismiss the idea.  I just told him let's get some more info.

And then things went silent.  For months.  We texted here or there and I think he came by once, but we didn't talk about the product anymore.  In the back of mind I was like cool.  That's what I expected him to do was fizzle out and not stick to the task.

Boy was I wrong.

So two weeks ago he calls me.  We chit chat and then I tell him I had to bounce because I was on my way to bartend for the night. 

"Wait, I wanna send you something over email.  I have a surprise for you."

Really?  Honestly speaking, I thought it was another d*ck pic. 

And again honestly speaking, I was actually looking forward to getting it.  Giggle.

DING! 

My phone alerts me that I have a text message.  It's from him and I open it.



RING THE ALARM!

It's a picture of a flyer with the product on it!  He has given the product a name, put his contact info on the flyer, and has a few pictures showing the uses the product.

My heart jumped.  Is this for real?

My fingers were shaking so bad that I could barely pound out the text message in reply:

"So you stole my idea?"

As I hurry to try stuff my legs into my pants I wait for his response.

"How I stole your idea?" (see that grammar?)

Grrrr....

"Were you thinking about a product like this until we spoke about it?  Um, I don't think so?"

"Well that's all you did was talk about it.  You didn't make any moves."

Huh?  My throat was getting hot and I could barely even see.  Angry or mad could not even describe how I felt standing there in my room.  I did more than talk about it muthafucca!  I CAME UP WITH IT.  I planted the seed in yo' big head and invited YOU into my shyt.  And then you go and do a variation of it?  And that's not stealing?

He calls me immediately but I don't pick up.  I had to go and didn't have time to get into with him at that moment.  I fired back with a text saying that I would talk to him the next day, but as I went down the stairs my body felt weak. 

"Mr. Porno?  Of all people?  He is probably one of the top THREE unmotivated men that I know, and he took my idea and ran with it?  I don't believe this is happening."

I called Chipotle the next day and made my rant.  After I finished he was like, "So what are you mad about again?" 

Just like a man.  "What the hell you mean what am I mad about?"

"Well you should have kept your mouth shut so don't get mad if he beat you to it."

Silence. 

But wait, this wasn't a competition!  We were supposed to be working together (even though I didn't really need his azz).  This was supposed to be my friend.  So yeah I'm mad.  Ethically this was not cool.  I helped him with mad shyt over the years and TRIED to motivate him to do better, but his motivation always just laid there like a cold ass pancake.  I helped him write resumes, apply to jobs, etc, but he never did anything.  And you do this to me? 

I told Kim.  She agreed that it was foul.

I asked my therapist (without elaborating on the idea because I'm scared now) and she agreed with Kim.  It was more than foul, it was just plain f*cked up.

Days go by and I don't answer his texts or calls.  I had to get my head together first.  So finally Sunday I called.  The big dummy was trying to tell me he didn't see how he did anything wrong.  Oh my gosh are you serious?  Then he told me he discussed it with someone else to come up with his prototype, etc.  Now it's just getting more worse the more we talk.  It took me a damn hour to make him see what the problem was here:

1. Just because we didn't discuss it anymore didn't mean that the idea was free for the taking.
2. I didn't approach you with this idea, it just happened to come up in a conversation.  We did not brainstorm and come up with this idea - I told YOU about it mister.  So yes, it was my idea.
3. This was something you and I discussed...and I told you to keep it confidential.  Now your azz went and told someone else MY IDEA, and now what is stopping them from coming up with something too? 
4. I don't care how much research you claim you did, that did not earn you the rights to the idea.  You don't know what research I have been doing because we haven't talked about it anymore.
5. If you were going in a different direction with the product, you should have said, "Well I have this idea and I put something together.  Since you did bring this up to me, do you want to work together on this thing with me?"  Basically, just like I invited you into my world, you should have invited me into yours.  Not after you have come up with a name and flyer and shyt for it?  WTH?

Oh I went on and on.  At the end of the convo he apologized and did agree that he STOLE my idea.  He even went and filled out the patent application on the damn thing! 

"Oh I can still put your name on it though?"

Geez Louise.

Anyway this post is getting long and I don't need to go into any more details.  He apologized repeatedly.  He said that he made a move on the product after he got laid off and decided he didn't want to work for anybody anymore.  Just crazy.

In my heart I know that he wasn't trying to be underhanded because if he was he probably wouldn't have told me about the SURPRISE.  From an ethical point of view he was wrong, and it's sad that he didn't see that until an hour later.

Anyway.... 

Bottom line is this...I f*cked up.  I underestimated this guy, and you can never really underestimate someone that just hustles and looks for ways to get over.  Anything I have going on in my head I'll just keep it to Kim and Chipotle just like I have always done before.  I thought Mr. Porno was my friend, but our relationship will probably be changed forever.  I can't trust him now.   His mouth is just as big as mine.  Who knows who he told at this point.

Lesson learned:  Stop talking so damn much about my dreams...because there might be a dream stealer in my midst.  When it comes to money and friendship --- money usually wins.  So that basically means....

keep shyt to myself.

Why Buy the Pig?

"Why buy the pig when you just want sausage every now and then?"

That's the comment of the fluckin year!  Yeah buddy!

I read that on NC17's blog and trust me, I couldn't have said it better myself.  I think this will be my new mantra. 
 
Last night dude asked me to be his girl.  ^^^^  But why be tied down to one dick as this chick put it? 
 
"We don't have anything in common and I don't like your hair", is how I replied his question.    Then he said he would change his hair if that is all it took to be in a relationship with me.  Negro please.  Are you nuts?  You just need to change that shyt anyway and I don't want it put on me if you end up not liking your new look.  Ahhhh, he is just hypnotized by the p*ssy anyway so I'm not gonna put much weight on what he is saying.  He kept on talking about this relationship shyt and the convo was getting too deep for me.  So out of nowhere I started with, "So when you gonna come over and gimme some?", and in an instant the subject was changed.  Men are so funny.  See how easy that was?

He ain't boyfriend material anyway.  He's nice and cool to talk to but he's just another hood dummy.  Too basic in the brains and too limited in his life experience for my taste.  He's basically just good for d*ck and that's the way I am gonna keep it.
 
I'm sooo distracted though.  Pretty Brown is back...texting only for now.  It would be nice to have him back on my d*ck roster though.  It was soooo good.  It looked soooo good.  It was always soooo delicious and he just melts in my mouth.  But it's more than sex with him.  He's in my head and that's not a good candidate for the d*ck roster.  So it's best to leave him alone.  He is not doing anything different anyway.  Just texting a lot of nice words and saying shyt that he thinks I wanna hear.  Just like before.  The fucca still won't call either.  I wish texting never came out cuz dudes sho' know how to use it to avoid talking to you.  Anyway this whole thing is just dumb and I am just torturing myself.  The therapist asked me what would I get out of talking or texting him?  I couldn't even answer her and just spoke a bunch of gibberish.  She's right though.  What am I doing? 
 
UGH!
 
I met this other guy at a Black meetup event though.  He has his own business and is a ex-NYC cop.  He's aiight looking but I don't like the spaces in his teeth.  I know.  I'm bad aren't I?   But he is nice and intelligent and has been places and done things.  He seems open minded about things too.  The other bad thing also is that he seems a bit thirsty though.  I can't stand frantic, hungry for a kiss muthafuccas!  Ewwww.  Would you relax please??!!!  I kissed him on the cheek and then he sends me a text saying that next time he hopes to get a 'grown up kiss."  It was like the second time we went out okay?  That makes me really not want to kiss you now.  These types of guys just end up buggin you to f*ck all the time once you go there and end up becoming a pain in the azz.  Now Pretty Brown.... I was kissing him within 60 minutes of meeting him, but there was this crazy attraction that was going on between us.  Now with this one?  It's not there yet, and I'm not sure if it will ever be.  Anyway he's not putting in the work and his communication game is weak.  Imma about to pass his azz over and go shopping for someone else.  He can stay in the shopping cart for now with the other 'sausages', but I don't think I will be taking him to the checkout line.  I'm just not seeing it.
 
I gotta come back here later and elaborate on this buying the pig thing.  The more I say it the better it sounds.  I'm thinking about getting a t-shirt with that printed on it.


Getting distracted again....

I was thinking about my Mexican ex-boyfriend.  He is the best.  I keep seeing women commenting on sites to date other races and he is definitely proving that to be true.  Even though it has been years since we were kickin' it, he is just as reliable and cool as he was when we were living together.  I'm kinda thinking about doing that.  Brothers got baggage just as much as anyone else.  I'm just getting tired of the fronting and the lies and the sensitivity and the inconsideration.  But I know me, that won't last for long.  I like chocolate too much to give it up completely. 

SIDE NOTE:  You would think in NYC I would see cutie pies all over the place but I don't.  I think that is very odd.  In Chicago you usually see something tasty every now and then, but here...nope.
 

Day #511: The Best I Ever Had!

Going to the Bahamas alone

was probably one of the best things

I have done in my life! 

It was the best vacation I have ever had.  Fo' sho.

I don't think I will ever travel with a big ol' group of single females again.  And I was hardly by myself anyways.  Someone was always willing to show me around and alla that.  The natives would ride the bus with me and show me around town and what not.  Right from the first day, so I was cool. 

And the timing was perfect too.  I was there on Valentine's Day and I didn't have to see people walking around with ten thousand balloons and roses and teddy bears.  I didn't have to see everyone crowded up in restaurants and what not.  My mind was on chilling and basking in the sunlight.  People were about VACATIONING and hardly seemed to be sweating V-Day.  At least not from what I could tell.  Now I did see some couples when I went out at Atlantis that night and yeah they were cute.  I even saw some chicks with red and white hair!!!!  GHETTO and hood hair was alive and well in the Bahamas for real.  I was actually tripping on all of the wigs I saw on the sistas in the Bahamas.  I mean EVERYONE had a wig or lacefront on.  Or damn near everyone.  I saw a few dreads and a few permed heads, but they were definitely in the minority.  So I was feeling quite comfortable wearing my "W" on the beaches needless to say.  Some of those wigs was crazy looking though.  Crazee.  I had to laugh at a few of them.  I think I spotted more than my fair share of Shenenehs and Wandas when I was there. 

But the dudes were soooo complimentary.  OMG!  You want to go to a place where you will feel like you are the most beautiful, sexiest thing in the world?  Go to the Bahamas. 

"You like candy to my eyes girl."

Oh am I really?  Wow! 

I was getting drinks and meals and hookups and little cheap (but cute) beach jewelry and everything.  The brothers were very nice from the moment I took the plane from Miami to Nassau.  Got two numbers before I even got off the plane.  LOL.  It was actually pretty cool and I was very appreciative of the attention.  I don't take compliments well so I mustered up my thank you responses and smiled.  I do think that the Bahamas is the place to go if you need to find a husband though!  It seemed like a lot of men where there.  Or if you're not looking for a hubby you can go there to get some nice, non-asshole like attention.  It was very refreshing - well at least to me it was.

So what did I do?

Drink.  I don't know how many Bahama Mamas I drank but it was a lot.  I didn't get real buzzed though.  I kept things under control.

I got on the Booze Cruise.  The drinks was aiight and the lunch was raggedy but it was still pretty cool.  I was the only black chick on the boat besides the employees though.  I was okay though.  I even went up to chat with the captain.  He looked like the rapper Candyman from back in the day.  Haha.

I met another dude that looked like Martin.  He worked at a funeral home!  So I got to talk to him about the industry since I was going to be applying for school there this year.

I met this dude named Nemo who said he had two birthdays.  WTF?  He was telling me this crazy azz story about how his mom and dad had a disagreement about his date of birth so they both went and got different birth certificates.  He was just going on and on, until I finally told him that I didn't come all the way to the Bahamas to listen to some bullshyt azz story.  "I can hear all the bullshyt I want at home", I said.  And with that he changed the subject and bought me another drink.  Thank the lawd.  Did I mention that he looked like T-Pain?  All day. 

He even had those dumb azz white shades on too.  No lie.  But he was funny.  Later he hung out in the whirlpool with me and got very acquainted with my toes.  I just couldn't stop giggling.

I rode those Segway thingys too.  Too much fun!  When I win the lottery I am gonna buy me one. 

I got on a wave runner for a little bit after the dude promised that my hair wouldn't get wet.  Wigs and water don't mix.  Then on top of that I was afraid that my wig would blow off my damn head altogether.  I kept seeing visions of my wig floating in the ocean like Wilson The Ball did in the movie Castaway with Tom Hanks.

Remember how Tom Hanks was screaming, "Wilson!  Wilson!"  when the ball floated away? I know fo' sho that I would have been hollering like that if my damn wig flew off in the fuggin' Atlantic Ocean. 

"Ashanti! Ashanti!" 

I didn't make that up either.  That's the name of the wig I was wearing.  You know how these wigs got names on the packages for the styles.  Haha.  The thought of losing my wig was making me nervous so I took my sunglasses and wore them on the outside of my hair to hold it down.  It worked thank goodness.  Now I was ready to enjoy the damn wave runner.  After a while, the guy actually let me drive it and it was fun.  I think he was trying to be up on my booty but I was off the thing in fifteen minutes so that shyt was cut short.  When I go back there I will just take the wig off (or bring a back up wig) so I won't sweat getting my hair wet.  I wanna take that thing to the limit next time!  Without someone on my azz.  LOL.


I sang some songs at karaoke too. 

"Love is a battefield!"

I have now made my international mark in karaoke singing.  Who knew?

Pictures?  I hate taking pictures.  I brought the camera and it was acting up so I have a few island shots that I will post later if I get around to it.  Don't hold your breath though. 

I think I'm going back this year.  Seriously.  I will stay like ten days this time.  If I have a sweetie by then maybe he can come along, but if not...I will ride solo. 

Being by myself I could think, be spontaneous, talk to who I wanted to talk to, go where I wanted, etc and not have to consult or coordinate with anybody.  I didn't feel alone because people will talk to you and it was all good.  In fact, it was the best thing ever.  The Bahamas was beautiful.  After doing this I know that I will do a solo trip again, and again, and again while I can.  I was proud of myself actually.  I felt like the bravest, most adventurous person on that island.  I kinda felt like a bad azz and I encourage people to do it themselves, especially women.  Honestly, I don't know why women fear doing things alone like going to movies and clubs and restaurants?  No one really cares.  No one will point at you and laugh and stare.  It's not a big deal to anyone else but yourself if you let it be.  In the back of people's minds they may come up with a theory as to why you are by yourself, but they will never tell you about it.  So again...who cares? 

It's okay to do things alone and enjoy your single, fabulous self. 

There are so many things that I have done solo like owning my business and living in every time zone in the United States.  Now I can add that I have traveled internationally...alone.  This trip was just another adventure in what has been a somewhat crazy, off the chain life.

Yeah, I'm feeling myself a little bit right now, and I am giving myself a big
HI-FIVE!!!  (singing)

"I ain't braggin' 'cause I'm the one
You just ask me ooh and it shall be done
And don't bother to compare
'Cause I've got it
I've got it, I've got it, yeah"

"I'm every woman!"