I Didn't Get The Big Check

I didn't win the business plan competition.

Sigh.

A sista with a dance school won the $25,000 prize.  Not gonna hate either.  She was a good choice.  She started to cry when she won.  Hell I am the one that should have been crying.

I went up against nine others (I thought it was six until I got there). And I was first too!  My competition was tough, and I probably practiced my three minute speech 100 times.  I practiced it so much that my throat was sore by the time it was my turn.

I went up there and did my thing, and a couple of people came up to me afterwards and said that I did a good job.  One lady came to me and said that after she heard me she thought that I should be the winner, until the dance school lady came up.  So good job, but not good enough I guess.  So I put on my dirty pink coat, gathered my papers, and left.  I did my very best though.  No regrets.

I know that I had some haters amongst the judges because people don't feel business concepts in urban areas most times.  I couldn't help to feel some shame about the fact that my business closed.  I felt embarrassed about it.  Even one of the judges told me that one guy questioned that during the deliberations.  But this judge I was speaking to said that I shouldn't feel like I failed.  A lot of entrepreneurs fail at things, but that shouldn't stop me from pushing on.  

But I didn't win.  So isn't that another failure?

Anyway, I've heard it all before.

"Yeah girl, keep ya head up."
"Don't let him stop you! You'll be back!"

Well I don't need words.  I need money.  I know that sounds stank but that's how I feel today.

Like I said on my website, the business closed because my money dried up after dealing with shady landlords who took my money for this f'd up space that I rented to relocate the business.  We have a court date for June 26th.  I have paid this attorney probably $8K already and I still owe him $13K for this BULLSHYT!!!!!!  I wanna scream!!!!  Now you see?  How could I keep the business open and make payroll and pay all those credit cards if I'm running up a lawyer bill?   I paid rent on that place for damn near eight months and never moved in it.  All the while I was trying to pay rent on the place I was already in - so talk about stress!!  As I type I am banging on the keys harder and harder because the more I write the more pissed I become.  The bastards have already postponed the court twice and I told my attorney that I'm not sitting back anymore.  It's been over a year and I am tired of paying him damn near $400 a month.  Honestly the lawyer doesn't give a shyt about me either, but I don't have the money to switch up now.  I want to get this into court to see if I can win this, and June 26th better be it.  They offered me a $10K settlement but I am out almost $30K.  They treated me like a damn dog, but they got it wrong if  they think I will jump at a $10K doggie biscuit after they helped to ruin something that I worked so hard for.  I sit here with my heart racing because of the anger that I feel inside me. 

Question>>> Am I blaming others for my failure?

I'll ask the therapist next time I see her.

I did see an old college friend at the competition though.  He was the winner of The Apprentice a few years ago....

The world knows him as Randal Pinket, but on the yard in college he was just Randy.  He would kill exams and ace every class.  Everyone was on his jock - White, Black, Asian, Indian didn't matter.  I went to engineering school like Randy, and he was already a legend there.  Not only was he smart, but he ran track, and was the President of our engineering society.  He would win every scholarship so he wouldn't have to work a campus job (while I cleaned tables and was a food runner in the cafeteria).  He had his own business at school too.  I dated his track team mate.  I talked to Randy for a few minutes about things, and I asked him about his business ventures and how he got started.  You know this boy has NEVER worked for anyone?  He has five degrees including a PhD and never had to answer to anyone but himself.  He talked about reinvesting profits and marketing his business, and that he plans to make 5 million in revenue this year.  Wow!!!  It was a good convo, and after it all I could still say that he is still the same Randy.  It was good to be around a successful man.  His wife was there too and she had on a wedding ring from another friggin' planet.  I admire her.  She got her a good man who is smart, in shape, successful, and doesn't wear his ego on his sleeve. 

*Applause*

Now as for me, all I keep meeting are Leprechauns and busters.  Will it ever end??!!!   

There is another business competition coming up, but it is one of those where you have to rally people to vote for you on some website.  I hate those kinds of contests because that shyt is hard to pull off.  But I might try anyway.  We will see.

Broke Antidote #1: Went to Bartending School

So back in August I went to bartending school for three weekends. Made my 12 drinks in seven minutes. Then I went and made little contact cards and spent like two days making resumes for the job. But I never realized how superficial the industry is! All the ads want a pic. I'm not ugly or anything but I certainly am not a model either. I do okay. But you know I don't think it is totally about that either - the looks thing. Minority females bartending in Manhattan is practically non-existent. I didn't realize it until I started looking. So I guess the best way for me to get a shot is to try a bar with folks who look like me I guess. So not only do I have the lack of experience working against me, it seems to be a little something else going on too. But I'll keep looking. I paid $500 to take the class (the last bit of my savings that I had a few months ago) to take this class in the hopes that I would find a gig and make the money back. So far I've been getting a lot of shade. I might do a lil experiment and find me a pic of cutie white girl and post it on my resume then send it to the same job that I apply to with my same qualifications! See this blogging makes me think! I just came up with that.

But I have been applying to anything and everything that I can do after work and on weekends since the bartending is moving too slowly. But for real, I think I'm gonna do that little experiment. If I have time....but I already know the answer so why bother.

Day 1: I Never Thought That I Could Really Admit My Brokeness

My name is....and I'm an alcholic...Oops! Wrong statement.

My name is..and I'm a Broke Bitch.

So this blog makes it official. I'm officially a BROKE BITCH. Well let's say 'ish' instead of bitch for my first post. I know these days the young girls use it all freely and what not but I'm old school and I gotta take baby steps on using word 'bitch' and 'broke' to characterize myself. Wow. Let me say that again. Broke and a Bitch too? The world MUST be coming to an end. So if that's the case I might as well keep it gangsta!

So what happened to a girl who at a time would get four and five job offers, worked for major companies, lived all over the country, had savings, stocks, clothes, cars? I opened my own business that's what. Used everything I had to support a dream. That's a long story and that mess is chronicled on another blog that I leave that open for people who know me to see. Not gonna tell them I'm broke though and I won't tell them about this blog. I can't imagine all the critcism that would unleash once they hear that Miss Got It All Together don't have nothing together right now. I even went to the coin machine and cashed out all my loose change that I've carried for years now. It was only $58 but I can at least wash my clothes, buy some gas, and buy my sick cat his special food. It's a little embarassing, but I'm too gangsta to let it show. (I always wanted to say I'm too gangsta about something so there ya go! Dream fulfilled! Hee hee.)

I'll keep this blog to chronicle my money troubles because I gotta let it out! With the businness being closed I have to still pay those bills plus my own. I have this little job in NYC that pays decent, but I took that over a gig that paid $20K more so that I could work on my business too. And you know I'm regretting that shyt right now because the business is closed. Then I got robbed and I had to borrow $52K to replace that money, so my debt is about $78K.

This blog may be a strategy for me to make light of the damn situation before I end up homeless (which honestly doesn't sound that bad right now cause I could use the rent money to pay other things). I have thought it about it many times. Is it possible to be funny about being a Broke Bitch (BB)? I doubt it but if I ever lose it then people can come to this blog and see how I have been feeling.

So here we go...the Diary of a Broke Bitch is officially published. I know a LOT of people are going through it too if not worse, but you know, this is my party and I'll cry if I want to dammit. So everyone is handling there stuff the best way they can, and I guess I'll have to do the same.

To blog is to ease my despair...