Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Is This Thing On????

(taps the mic)

Is this thing on?

I saiddddddd, is this thing on? (pause)

(clears throat)

I'll begin by saying that I got a comment today asking where have I been and it made me feel good and bad at the same time. It's not that I haven't thought about the blog, it's just that I used to write more when I had this easy little desk job in Manhattan.  You know..."THAT JOB" that I didn't want to tell anyone that I had. After shyt went to the left at that place (which I consider a disguised blessing), I bounced and changed careers altogether.  Now I make almost 2.5 times more than that old job that I should not have been at six years anyway, but of course that means that it DEMANDS more time and I actually have to sit there and work.  just writing that disgusts me!  Work is always in the damn way.  Always, always, always.  It takes up all of my time!  It has gotten so bad that somebody had to send out a virtual blogger search party out to look for me.

But don't get me wrong, it ain't like I haven't tried to write on the blog.  I have all of these half baked drafts in my queue that I was once all excited to dazzle you with.  In fact I have been trying and trying to take a breather so that I could do more things that I enjoy doing like writing.  I even left my job in August to take a sabbatical for two months so that I COULD WRITE and do some entrepreneurial stuff, but no sooner than I left the job another recruiter came along and offered me more loot on another contract. Cha ching!   So just like Bugs Bunny I took the dangling carrot and ended the break a month early.  FOR MONEY.

And what was the result of making that decision?
I stacked more cash but my blog still looks like ass.  

"Yo, this blog looks like ass."

And get this!!!  All I do is write all day!  For other people.  ALL.DAMN. DAY.  But yet I couldn't write two sentences for my own shyt?  That's a damn shame.  I need to get my priorities in order, and working certainly ain't one of them.

So I have decided to make a pledge.  Even though my current load includes studying for a six hour test, working out, taking a Spanish class, "liking"shyt on Facebook to maintain relationships, and working my 2nd job as girlfriend to Trinidad (sigh) --- I need to breathe some life back into this blog. Maybe that's why I feel so overwhelmed?  Everything is just bottled up inside me and my fingers are itching to peck at the keyboard.

I hope I still have some Blogger friends too?  Special thanks to HeyItsJermaine for checking in and zapping me with that taser.   I'm awake now so thanks hunny.

Now let's see if I can deliver.  Or will I go back to sleep?  Place your bets people.

Please note:  If you see typos just know that my eyes are getting old mane!  I started this blog like forever ago and my eyes are not as KEEN as they used to be.  It's whack to even have to publish this statement but I might as well come clean with it.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

12,775 Day Rewind

Another year gone.  Another New Year's Party.  Later on....

But what's more important to me today is reflection.  And to sit still and think about the hits and misses of past 365 days.  So as I began to do my annual ritual, strangely my mind went further back.  Waaaayyyy back.  Like 12,775 days back.

I remembered jumping Double Dutch in the streets and stopping mid jump to let the cars pass...at the last minute of course.

I also remembered jumping in unison with as many as could fit inside the clothes line bought at the corner store.  As we sang as loud as we could!
"All in together, any kind of weather, I see the teacher, lookin' out the window, ding dong, the fire bell!!!"
I remembered Playing softball, touch football, and hide and go seek...at night! (Which was a really big deal.)
Playing jacks on the porch,
Drawing Hopscotch boxes on the sidewalk, and playing dodgeball.
Swinging on swings.  
Ponytails blowing in the wind as I rode my purple bike down asphalt hills.   Breeze whipping across my face.
Patty cakes and roller skates, slip n slide, and skate boards.  Plastic water guns that held about 1/2 cup of water....if that.  But no one seemed to mind because it was enough to hit your target.
"Mother May I", "Simon Says", and break dancing!
And a game simply called "IT".  And whatever "IT" was you ran like a fool trying to get as far away as you could.
It really was a wonderful life in those days.
And even though I am taking another step away from "those days" tonight, this morning I just felt like taking a few steps backward.  Because going backward is not always a bad thing.

December 31, 2014

Monday, August 18, 2014

Drum Roll Puhleeze

Woman enters the library and as she passes the security guard he says, "Nice toes!"

The woman looks down at her daintily painted yellow toes and smiles and replies "Thank you.".  

She walks up the escalator and scouts for a seat.  The library is full even on a warm summer night.  She plops down at a table of four and seats herself next to a young African-American brother with a hoodie and his PC.   She thinks to herself, "Why does he have a hoodie on in the library in the summer?"  but she dismisses the thought.  As long as he doesn't look crazy she figures that she will be fine.

She pulls out her new purple Mac out of her bag and begins to gather her thoughts,  As she starts to type, all of a sudden she smells something....

Sniff.  Sniff.

I won’t even begin this post with excuses as to why I haven’t been on here because honestly does anyone really give a fluck?  LOL.  I just need to fix the damn problem with my lack of appearances in cyberspace and get things done.  I feel myself getting rusty so I need to write to keep my skills sharp.

This time instead of writing about what I have not done on the blog, the only thing that I will say is that I have put writing on my weekly schedule so I can AT LEAST put my eyeball on blogger.com.  So here I am on a nice summer night in the library pecking away at my computer.  I feel a bit proud of myself!   I've only been here about 15 minutes but there is a musty muthafucca sitting next to me wrecking my damn flow.  This is the only free table with computer outlets so I’ll just try to make it work and cover my nose when he shifts in his seat.  I just need to bang this post out.  

(holds breath)

Ok here we go.

First I will at least quickly recap the last few months to try to bring things up to date.

NEWSFLASH!!!!  Believe it or not I actually have ONE man now.  Not even a backup dude to dabble in now and then.  The way I had operated for years was to always have at least two dudes on the roster, but as time has passed I have slowed down with that A LOT.  For one it’s too hard to manage, and number two these guys got too much shit going on with them for me to be dealing with a double dose of drama.  The older they get the more rock headed they get and it is just too much!  Men get to be soooooo much work after a while.  
And what gets me is that men have the damn nerve to be talking about women of a certain age got baggage when they are honestly some big fluckin babies themselves   They are just as sensitive as women and  throw fits and tantrums like toddlers.   All THEE time.  Word.

So let's introduce my dude as Trinidad.  He is pretty alright.  He acts and does a lot of the things I like and he is tolerable….not perfect…but tolerable.  He can be a lot of work and sensitive too…he ain’t no different than what I said earlier.  I just realize that’s how men eventually turn out to be so now I just try to work with it and see where it goes.  We have been dating for about 2.5 years and for me that’s some amazing shit!  So let’s see how long I can keep this up.  I’ll have to elaborate on dude another time because something between us is brewing.  Like I said before — he ain’t perfect, and neither am I.  

Anyway....financially things are better too.  Last September I blogged that I quit a job and took a consultant temp role that was a $25k per year pay cut.  It was a dice roll and some may have called me stupid, but that dice roll eventually paid off because taking that step backwards opened doors for me in a major way.  I kept interviewing for something better and was getting turned down left and right, but within three months I got a new job making over six figures.  So in the long run the risk paid off big time and has helped me to put almost $66,000 dollars in my savings account.  Who woulda thought that I could make that happen?!!!  That $66K may not be a huge amount, but seeing that in the past I barely had $200 saved this is a major achievement.  Since my bankruptcy in 2010 things have gotten way better and I swear doing that was the best (and toughest) decision that I ever made.  Yeah I have the ding on my credit report for a few more years but my worries about paying my bills are gone.  I can save money now and my credit score has improved over 100 points since the bankruptcy.  I have paid off my car a year and a half early too.  Things are certainly way better now from when I first started writing DIARY OF A BROKE ASS WOMAN!  For realz.  And although I’ll confess that I still have my moments with spending on clothes and what not, I usually just pay the charges with a credit card and pay the balance off in the next month to keep things under control.  I have my regular job and my consulting work to bring in money to help when I fall off the shopping wagon.  Plus my credit limit is like $750 so I ain’t going too crazy with that anyway, and I put in my budget what I can spend on shopping each month.  The $750 limit ain’t nothing special but it will do me just fine because the point of using the card is to build my credit score anyway.  The website mint.com tracks my spending and puts everything into categories which helps me see how my money flows.

Um, what else has been happening???  Oh yes!  I had my “ cuteness surgery”  late last year.  Yep I did it!  The first couple days after were awful but I’m happy with the results for the most part!  There are things that I still have to do like stay fit and eat right but I’m looking way better than I did before (not that I was that bad in the first place).  I have to get into the details later but since the surgery things have ‘shifted’ to other areas and I didn’t expect that at all!  Like today when I was leaving work, somebody called me Stella.  Not sure if I liked that too much just because I hate facing the reality that I am getting older, but since Angela Bassett was looking good in that movie I guess I’ll go ahead and take it as a compliment????   And even though Trinidad was against me doing the surgery, I think NOW he is happy with the end result.  And how do I know this?  Because I can see it in his hungry eyes. 

Damn It’s good to be back writing!  I see that I have about the same number of followers so I guess that’s good!?  LOL…no it ain’t.  The blog is stagnant.  I know people were reading when I used to write about Shallow Hal and my escapades with him but since I killed them off I think folks left me.  It’s not a lot left to say on that but that was like 3-4 years ago anyway and since then Shallow Hal has just worsened with age.  We used to be cool but I have decided that I can’t be socializing with that donkey no mo’.  For the longest time I had been smelling the disrespect coming from him, and I had to remind him way too often that I was not one of his birds.  Shallow Hal is a bully and eventually made our situation rocky as hell.   We had some moments where we would actually be cool, but just as he always does, he fks up stuff to a point where I finally had to block him a couple months ago.  The downfall began when something that started out being joke on his asshole friend turned into a betrayal.  Shallow Hal proved that he wasn’t on my team and once I saw that, it was the beginning of the end of our “friendship.”  I had no loyalty to him and all we would do is argue.

Shallow Hal:  “You just wanna see me hurt for something.”
Me:  LOL.  “You just wanna see me hurt for something.”  You so damn stupid.  You deserve to "hurt for something" for all that you have done to people.  Punk ass.

And that's from one of the light conversations.  And where did all of this come from?  I’ll get into my post called THE JOKE next time but for now I will say this....it was a joke that both of us tried to set up.  After the smoke cleared it ended up with Shallow Hal showing his ass and by that point I was DONE.  He pushed me too far and THE JOKE became a mess.  

But you know what?  After everything that I have heard, Shallow Hal is probably right.  I kinda do wanna see him get knocked down off his throne.  And I've been thinking on what I can come up with to make that happen.

"Off with his head!"

More later.  I can't sit by this musty muthafucca no more!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Sad State of Bloggism

What a damn shame.

I think about blogging all the time but I can't seem to put the pen to the paper these past months!
Yeah I'm raggedy as hell.  So finally I said today lemme just try to do this from my phone to at least shake the dust off my shyt.

You know working, having a man, having business, and alla that has made me just feel so overwhelmed.  Like I used to take this blog so seriously but half the time I was writing when I was at work.  Now companies block the site and by the time I get home I'm done.  But I have to change that.  When I blogged it felt good and maybe that's what I need so I don't feel overwhelmed as much?

So many things have happened since that
posting last October.  I have done some dirty shyt, stupid shyt, smart shyt, as well as good money type of shyt.  In addition I have been the target of unwanted shyt that I needs to get on here and talk about too.  Word!
There is a lot to say because It appears that I have become an exceptional liar and a somewhat vengeful individual.  More later on that.   People might think I'm wrong for what I did, but I just had to get him!  I just had to cuz you don't talk to me like I'm one of your damn birds!  Nah bruh.

More later.  More later.

In any case I'm here.  Let's get it cracking and back to the business of blogging.

Hello World!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Most People Will Call Me Cray...

I am sitting in a Starbucks in Times Square.  It's like 50 degrees outside but they have the air conditioner on like it's 80 damn degrees! Brrrrrr!!!!!  I'm starting to sniff because I have been sitting here typing for a while now.  I already bought a lukewarm hot chocolate and I ain't buying shyt else to warm up.  I need cocktail money for when I go to karaoke later.  Not sure if I'm sanging though. 

And to add to the frigidity in here, there's this crazy lady sitting next to me having a silent conversation with SOMEBODY.  Her hands are moving around and she is smiling and laughing at whatever SOMEBODY is saying to her.  But what's odd is that she hasn't uttered a sound.  Not a single sound.  She is just over there with her latte being silent crazy and having a good ol' time too.

CONFESSION:  This is exactly the same shyt I do at home.  Shhhhhh!!!!  But my rants are usually just rewinds of convos that I already had that have bothered me or had me worked up.  I just repeat what was said, and then add on what I WISH I WOULD HAVE SAID.  I'm not having 'real time' convos with imaginary people like she is sitting here doing.  Wait a minute.  I must be buggin?  I wrote that like my crazy convos are more sane than hers just because they already occurred.  It's still crazy right?  Real time or past time...talking to yourself regularly out loud is a little crazy.  I just need to own that and stop buggin like I'm better than other crazy people.  LOL.  I'm sure when I get to be an old lady I will be officially cray cray, and very skilled at talking to people that had been in front of me the day before.  I already see it coming.  Been doing it too long to stop.  Sigh.  Oh well. 


It has been a tumultuous summer career wise.  In an earlier post, "I Failed at Kissin' Ass", I talked about my job that started tripping after I had worked there almost 7 years.  I am not gonna go back and relive the details of that, but I finally left that joint in June.  And not without scandal.  The depature wasn't quiet at all and got weird.  I tried my best to leave without drama and say 'safe' things during the exit interview, but it was all for nothing.  That exit interview triggered a whole lot of craziness and my manager said that I betrayed him!  And because he felt betrayed, he did some bogus shyt!  His ass had the nerve to....

....ah I'll leave it for later next time.

(to self:  I have to write about that over the weekend.  It's pretty juicy.  I'm gonna title it, "Don't Do Exit Interviews At A Job" or something like that.  With a spicier title of course...)

So like I said I left the job in June.  I moved on to a new job that I didn't really want because it was a job where I would have to kiss some other executive's ass.  And remember I already failed at kissin ass already, so what made me think I wouldn't be expected to do that again.  Reluctantly I started the new job June 3rd, and on September 3rd I stopped going.  I decided to take a temporary job making $16,000 less and started the next day.  Wild.

And I know that most people would call me cray for that.  But I went ahead and did it anyway.

People wouldn't understand that I just couldn't do it anymore.  I just couldn't.  I had interviewed for 8 months all around NYC and was tired of 'acting' like I wanted to be somebody's assistant.  I had been passed over and insulted and treated like a dog long enough by recruiters for some damn "I Want to Work for Diddy" type of shyt.  Even though folks in these assistant jobs can make a lot of money, I didn't care.  That career path just wasn't for me.  I knew  that it was over when the new job started asking me to go out and get iced tea for the executive.  I was officially over it and I.WANTED.OUT.

Why?  Because it didn't make any damn sense anymore.  I had done this assistant stuff because only I wanted something not too demanding while I ran my business.   When the business closed in 2009 I should have turned my back on the job but by then I had gotten too comfortable there.   I really f*cked up by staying there another four years and should have gone into something else. So I had to weigh it out.  Either keep running to get iced tea and ordering sammiches for the big executives, or just bite the bullet and start fresh before I found myself doing a repeat and "getting comfortable" again. 

So that's what I did.  I got the fluck out. 

That's because I was choking.  I was dying inside.  I was feeling lost and it was making me feel like....I didn't want to be here anymore.  It was getting dangerous and affecting me mentally.  So when the bank finally called said they would take me on contract basis I said yes. 

So I started the contract job at the bank and stopped going to the other job.  And the other job fired me lickety split for not coming to work.  Hated to do it that way and honestly I should have just QUIT, but silly me...I kept stalling and screwed that up big time.  I was just sooooo confused I didn't know what to do.

But I was freeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

I let the new job go and went to one for less money. 
I let the new job go for no stability.
And the contract ain't even for a year.  How many people would do that? 

Not many I bet.  Most people would just call me cray.

And you know what, that's cool.  I have thought and thought about it and I have it all figured out (I think...)  If I play my cards right and get the experience in this financial crimes field doing a couple of contract positions, I'm thinking that in a year or so I might even surpass what I was making anyway in that job I just left.  I will work on getting the certifications, network at this bank I am at now and build my circle, and hustle my way into FT before you know it.  I'm on a mission.  And I ain't the least bit scared.

(SIDE NOTE:  A cute slim goodie just walked into Starbucks.  Walkin' slowly and lookin' my way.  Tall with a brown coat.  Let's call him Toostie Roll.  Ain't bought nothing to drink either and sat down.  Freeloader taking up chair space!!!  Hmmm.  No empty seat at my table though.  Dang.  Actually that's probably for the better because I need to be bloggin' right now anyway. Plus I got my hands full with Trinidad and I need to TRY to be good.  If he came over here he will wreck my flow.  Stay away Tootsie Roll ...at least until I finish.  LOL.)

So like I said I ain't scared.  The recruiters call and think I'm crazy.  I went on an interview yesterday and they looked at me slightly crazy too because I took less money.  But I just yapped on about my experience and tried to captivate them with my intelligence anyway.  Not sure if it worked because when the interview ended he said the dreaded "Good luck", which is never a good sign.  Boo. 

I read something  once about taking chances and stepping backward to move forward toward a different success path.  People may not understand that's exactly what I am trying to do, and even though I am not a young pop tart- I AIN'T DEAD YET!  For the past seven years I had not told a soul what I did for a living.  My family didn't even know what I did.  Most times I would just say "Office Manager" when that wasn't really my title.  I did that because to me it didn't make sense given that I was an engineer, started two businesses, but yet I was ordering lunch and making travel arrangements for people??? Just for somebody to say to me that I didn't kiss somebody's ass well enough after six plus years of service???  If it didn't make sense to me I know it wouldn't make sense to somebody else.  It was easy just to lie or avoid talking about it rather than explain how I had ended up at that job.

I had fallen asleep.  When I was confronted with the words, "You don't make him feel like he is number one", it was just the wake up call I needed to leave that life behind!!!!!  It snapped me out of whatever funk I was in and I am not gonna make the mistake a second time around.  Hell no.  I'd rather sit in the park all day and let my savings drain to nothing before I compromise myself again and be shame to tell anybody anything about myself.  Not if I can help it.

And by no means am I saying that there is anything wrong with being an assistant, it was just wrong for me.  Yanno what I mean?  I wasn't about that life. I don't wanna be running for iced teas like a 19 year old and I ain't asking another soul if they want extra leg room on the plane. Nope. Not no mo'! Money is nice but I need to do more than just "make a living."  I hate working as it is so if I gotta work it better be doing something that I like.  Word.

Yep.  People can call me cray.   They can even SUPERSIZE IT and call me cray cray. I may not like that reaction but in the end I am feeling tons better about the direction I am going in.  Even while making this chump change. 
That's because I only get one life, and I am gonna do what best suits me.  No matter how crazy it may sound. 

There's a reason why my code name is "Eyes on the Prize".  I always have to reach for more.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

You Can't Be Serious...Four Months

I need to be kicked in my ass for not coming out here.  What the fluck happened?

Friday, May 24, 2013

I Failed At Kissin' Ass.

I don't know what to talk about first.


I am sitting on a plane traveling from Trinidad back to the U.S., so I figured I would try to catch up and blog a little bit.  I am in a middle seat sandwiched between two guys who are sitting with their legs open and their arms crossed.  I am typing with my elbows literally glued to my sides and it's mad uncomfortable, but I'll just suck it up and make it happen.


There has been a lot happening and if I wrote about it all at once the post would be too long.  That means I have to pick a subject so I guess I'll just begin with things with work. I swore that I would never blog about work, but it's at the forefront of everything right now so f*ck it.  Last November  things came tumbling down at the job and it has caused so much confusion in my brain.  I gained about ten pounds as a result and now I am so disgusted with myself that I can't stand it anymore. 

It all started when I didn't get an annual raise in November.  I was an assistant to two managers and then a third got hired which meant more work for me.    I was silent about it because I was waiting to see what my raise would be, but when I confirmed that I was not getting a raise I sent an email to my manager asking him about it. 

And you know what?  He didn't respond.  At all.

Then I sent another email to him a few days later.  He didn't respond to that either.   After this second diss I was really buggin out and my mind was all f*cked up.  It was not a cool feeling. 
And of course I tried to explain it away by saying that he didn't get the chance to read the emails, but when I sent other emails to him the same day on work matters he responded to those without delay.  So clearly he was avoiding answering the question about the raise, and I just couldn't understand why.  He was saying hello to me every morning and straight dissin' me on my question about money over email.  The whole experience was agonizing!  Why was this man not responding to me?  It wasn't like him to do this.  Not at all.  I thought and thought about it until my head hurt, and then it finally dawned on me why he wasn't responding to me....
I must be getting fired.  And if this was the case I already knew why.

I had this new manager that I had been supporting for about a year, and to be honest he and I never really clicked.  Let's call him "The Mitch", because in my mind he truly is a male bitch from where I sit. 

The Mitch is one of those middle-aged 30 somethings who has moved up very fast and has been very successful in his short career.  Whatever formula he has been using has elevated him to partner status at my company and he isn't even 40 years old yet.  So it's no surprise that he is totally full of himself.
He is also one of those managers who drives that formula into the ground by bringing his cronies from the old job with him wherever he goes.  You know what I mean....he makes the company hire the people who he was comfortable with because he had groomed them in the manner that he wanted them to work.  And they licked his azz the way he wanted it to be licked.  The guys he brought to the company acted like mindless wet seals to me because whenever this manager opened his mouth for something they practically went ape shyt handling his requests.  They were hyper and so was he.   He built the perfect set up to make him feel like he was king.  
And then there was me....
From the start I smelled his hyper ways and I can't stand being around people like that.   I try my best not to feed into their hyper personalities, and just do my best to manage their expectations as best I can.  With The Mitch, everything is a  fluckin' fire and I refused to "perform" in the way those other guys did.  I made it a point to calmly handle his requests, while managing the requests from the two other managers I supported.  In short...The Mitch had to get in line.  Now of course I didn't TRY to make him feel that way, but he always seemed to want me to drop everything I was doing to tend to him first.   Nope.  Not happening.  Especially when I had two other managers to deal with too.  It wasn't going down like that because I knew that once you start prioritizing one person over everyone else you will never get off that damn rollercoaster with them.  Everything becomes urgent.  Everything is hot.  Everything is right now.   And word up, you have to nip that shyt in the bud as best and as quickly as you can.  I guess tried to do that with The Mitch but this time I was outnumbered, and it looks like it cost me my job that I had  been at for almost 7 years.

So when I figured that I was on the termination list, I prepared myself for the worst and walked in the office of the lead manager who had been dissin' me. 

"Am I getting terminated?"

He repeated my question as he thought about his reply, "Are you getting terminated? Hmmmm."

He searched the ceiling as if the answer was written up there.  I just sat there and stared in disbelief that he actually was pausing to answer my questoin.  I wanted to say, "Spill it dammit and cut out all of the dramatics.  It was a point blank question that needs a point blank answer.  You have been avoiding me long enough.  "

Then he repeated my question again, "Are you getting terminated?"  Another pause.  More dramatics. 

He finally answers, "Well I don't want to terminate you, but The Mitch does."

As he spoke to me I wanted to puke.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and I couldn't believe his attitude either.  The manager that I had known for six years had morphed into a Mitch Groupie.  I'll best try to summarize the list of issues that he ran down to me:

1.     "You don't make The Mitch feel like he's number one."

2.     "The Mitch thinks you have another job." 

3.     "The Mitch thinks that going to the gym at lunch time is more of a priority to you than he should be."

4.     "Your LinkedIn profile says 'entrepreneur' and that appears that you are interested in doing other things."

Let's start with Number One.  Um, I'm not his f*ckin' wife and that's her job to make him feel like he is number one.   Ain't nothing else I really got to say on that right there.  He can suck my azz. 

As for me having another job, I do have two side hustles...but neither of them interfere with work like that.  I thought working a side hustle was a good thing in most circles anyway?  But nooooo, not at my job.  When I tried to tell my manager that I bartended only twice a month on the weekend, he just kept cutting me off saying he didn't want to know what I did or details about it.  Say what?  Then why bring up that I have another job then?   Why you don't wanna hear my response instead of "guessing" that I have another gig.   It all was just dumb to me.

Now bringing up the gym...that's some bullshyt.  I go to the gym on the lunch hour that I am granted by the company.  What I do on my lunch hour is my business so I don't even know why that would be an issue.  I told my manager plainly that the gym was a priority to me, and he shook his head in disagreement.  Wow.  According to him, when the Mitch needed me during a certain time I was never at my desk.  Firstly, The Mitch works remotely and comes in like 1-2 times per month. 
I repeat...he comes in 1 or 2 times a F*CKIN" MONTH!!!!!!!!   If The Mitch wanted me to do something on those rare appearances and skip my lunch break, all he had to do was say so and I would have gone to the gym after work.  But nooooo, instead he chose to complain about it to my manager who in turn never said anything to me either.  So instead they just let the situation escalate to a point where folks were getting annoyed.  Communicate people!!!!  This is how shyt gets f*cked up at work when managers do not communicate their expectations!  I never stood there and said that I MUST GO TO THE GYM AT LUNCH every day.  And what kills me about them bringing up the gym is that the company keeps pushing this work-life balance thing and getting healthy stuff.  But yet this dude gets salty because I go work out????  On my lunch hour?  My unpaid lunch hour?   Unbelievable.

But what really had me trippin' was that LinkedIn thing.  My manager was telling me about the profile like he had busted me doing a crime or something.

"Soooooo...what about your LinkedIn profile?"

I answered, confused.  "What LinkedIn profile?" 

"The one that you have that says 'entrepreneur'?"

Still not remembering the profile I said, "Well I don't remember the profile being up but I like to think of myself as having an entrepreneurial spirit."

My manager shook his head in disapproval.  Apparently one of the wet seals saw my profile and reported back to The Mitch.  I guess to them it appeared that my first love was not working as a bum azz Executive Assistant, and that I really had my eyes on working for myself.  That folks, was the CRIME that I had been busted doing.  My jaw dropped.  I couldn't believe that I was hearing this about a generic f*ckin' profile I had up since maybe 2007.  A profile that had a measly 14 connections of which half were my damn family members.  It was a profile that I completely forgotten about, and I only put it up when I was trying to reconnect with an old boyfriend.  I Googled his name and saw that he was on LinkedIn, and I threw up a quick profile just to send him a message.  I put up the word "Entrepreneur" because I didn't want him to know that I had backtracked and was working as Executive Assistant aka "Secretary."  Of course I didn't tell my manager that was the reason that I put up a different title, but I did defend myself by saying that using a generic word "entrepreneur" to describe myself was not a sin.  I told him that they weren't making any sense and were making a big deal out of a profile that really wasn't much of anything!!!  And I was even more mad because I didn't even recall it being up.  It wasn't like I put up "Pole Dancer" or "Nude Model" on my profile...so again I didn't understand what the issue was???  More dumb shit.

Honestly I think they were just trying to build a case against me, and was grasping at anything by bringing up that LinkedIn profile.  How dare I think big???!  How dare I...the Executive Assistant....have entrepreneurial aspirations????  I should be beheaded!!!  They were acting like I was working for the competition or the mafia or some shyt. 
The whole conversation was starting to make my head hurt.  I was mad at them because everything that he brought up to me could have been communicated to me before things had gotten that point.  Communication is key!!!  Secondly I was mad at myself because no matter where I go, I seem to f*ck up something by being late or making mistakes.  Now the reason was that I didn't lick somebody's azz well enough to fuel his ego trip, and I also committed the cardinal sin by being an entrepreneur and working out at the gym!!!!   They were killing me.  I have no raise; I was working for the three managers when every other Assistant in the company had one or two; and you want to complaaaaaaiiiiiiin about me working out during my unpaid lunch break?

I was spent.  The conversation basically ended by my manager stating that he wasn't going to fire me, but instead he was going to give me time to look for another job.

"I think we all need a change."   That's what he said.  Emotionless and looking like he didn't give a f*ck anymore.

As I walked out of his office I said, "Well I'll consider that as you giving me my walking papers then."

And that was the end of that convo.

That was six months ago.  I handed in my resignation letter last week. 

I'm surprised I made it this long.  It is just time to go.  Things have been pretty low key the past few months, and there haven't been any flare ups...but I don't like the feeling of being around a situation that doesn't want me.   It's the worst feeling.

Six months...and all this time I have been looking. I have been sending out resumes and interviewing for shyt that I don't want to do, or in some cases do want to do and not getting chosen for whatever reason.   It's been so crazy that I decided to write another blog about the adventures I have had in job searching.  More details to come.

I do have a couple of offers.  Unfortunately, the only permanent offer I have on the table is another Executive Assistant position for a CEO and I'm not sure if I'm built to do this job again.  A Professional Ass Licker I am not!!!  The other job is a cut in pay and is only a temporary position, but it might get my foot in the door in an investigative field that I have been working on the side for the past six years.   I'm actually more excited about that one and don't care if it pays a little less if it gets me the bucks in the future.

I was so confused that I accepted both positions.  LOL.  Of course I can't do both, but I have to choose one soon.

That's enough for now.  More later.  Plane is landing.  I'm back from Trinidad and it's been literally 14 hours since starting my journey back home.  I can see New York in the distance. 

Good to be home.