Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Emancipation of Me!

The emancipation of me! I am free from that whack azz landlord. I have officially moved into the Honeycomb Hideout.

But I walked by the old place and they have a for rent sign up.  Oooh (rubbing my hands), can't wait until the summer.  I'm gonna get their greedy azzes. 

Monday, February 15, 2010

Shitty Cat Paws...

Ooh I'm a bad girl! And u know I'm bad if I don't even wanna put it on this blog. Lol.

But let's call this one Jean Claude Van Damn-He's Nasty!!  And  ummm, I liked it! 
I like just a sprinkle of nasty talk you know.  Not too much though.  Gotta get it right bruh, gotta get it right!!!
Shyt, Hot Chocolate ain't coming through so why deprive myself???  I mean I was using that bullet like damn near every other day okay?

I don't think the Honeycomb Hideout is gonna work out.  More later.  I'm procrastinating right now.  And why did the cat take a dump in the litter box and then walked around with his shitty paws all over the white kitchen and bathroom floor with them!  Then he took and sat his azz on my couch to go to sleep with those same shitty paws facing up in the sky like he ain't got a care in the world.  ARRGHHH!

This video says it all...

I couldn't have said it better myself.

I gotta get something done.  I gotta come back here later.

Friday, February 12, 2010

From my phone: Ok this is it! This is my last night in this apt. I don't know if I am thrilled about my new spot, in fact I know I'm not. But this is how it goes with me. Its always something. I saw Hot Chocolate today. Blew him a kiss. He smiled. Told me how he had a bump on his breast and went to the emergency room bc he thought he had breast cancer. Ok, I gotta chuckle a little on that, but u gotta give him credit for not ignoring it. When he asked me to touch it, it felt like a pimple. A pimple right on his nipple. Lol. Anyway he told how the asian nurse was squeezing on him and asked him if some girl bit him! Lol. Then asked him to come back and felt him up some more. I'm telling u these asian women like his azz. Well like I said, he can do what he wants with that....just gimme mine.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Day 133: Someone Sent Me a Sign Today...

It's 1am and I'm wide awake.  Even my cat is even looking at me like, "WTF?"  Jody Watley is playing on the Sirius cable station. 

I'm looking for a new love baby...a new love
Yeah, yeah, yeah

The song is very appropriate since Becky and Lucy Liu are trying to get some of my hot chocolate.  Anyway, I don't care.  Like another song goes...

I don't care what you do to them,
Just be good to me.
Woo hoo hoo...

And that's all I'm gonna say about that (until I zero in on someone else).  I DO like his ass though.  Literally. 


Ok I think someone sent me a sign that something ain't right in Whoville (ie.,this damn apartment.)  So you know that I have been battling with my landlord and we finally came to an agreement that they forgive January rent, rent for February until the 14th, and return my security deposit to me.  They agreed.  And what do I give them in return?  The apartment back and a Get Out of Hell Free Card because that is where I was taking their asses.  Skrait up.  Ugh! 

Rats, rats, rats!

So tonight I see a strange call on my phone.  I didn't answer but the number kept calling me so I finally answered.  It was Cablevision, the people who provide my internet service.  As soon as he said who he was, I started overtalking him and telling him that my bill was paid, and that because they didn't offer TV One (the African American channel) I wasn't signing up for their whack cable service.  (Ok how are you not gonna to provide TV One in the NYC metropolitan area?)  But dude was like, "No, no, that's not why I'm calling.  I'm calling because I have someone on the other line who says he is moving into your apartment on February 14th and wants to sign up for service.  Is that true?"

My mouth dropped. 

Someone is moving in here on the 14th?  Uh wait, that's the day I move out.  WTF.  I started laughing.  These landlords are some greedy motherfuccas!  The doorknob ain't gonna even be cold and they already gonna have someone in here the same night.  No apartment prep.  Nothing.  RAGGEDY PEOPLE, JUST RAGGEDY.

I mean they are asking me to leave by noon on the 14th, and someone is coming in right behind me that same day?  I have been in this apartment for seven years and it hasn't been painted since 2003.  When I took the pictures off the walls you could see their outlines on the wall.  That's how bad it is. (If I would have had that old school big wooden spoon and fork showing outlines on my wall that would have been mad funny. But my outlines ain't funny at all.  They just show the dirt.)  

So, in my mind I'm thinking, who in the world would rent an apartment that they haven't seen yet?  Or maybe they did see the apartment without me knowing it?

About a month ago, my lock all of sudden got loosey goosey.  It moves all around and it looks like someone had bothered with it.  But I didn't pay it too much mind because I have a dead bolt on the door.  Then this Saturday I started having problems with that too, and I noticed that sometimes I could turn the deadbolt and think it's locked and it's not!  OMG.  So I suspect that these greedy asses have come into this apartment and showed it when I wasn't here.  As far as I know they don't have keys to the apartment, but if they do they screwed with the door and messed it up coming in here without my knowledge.  I mean before we made the agreement he was whining and bitching that he wanted to see the place to assesss damages.  Then when I told him to bring his ass up here to check it if he was so worried, then suddenly he declines.  He then writes me an email saying, "We are sure that the apartment will be fine."  Yeah okay. 

Rats, rats, rats!

You have no idea how I feel thinking that someone was in here.  This landlord thinks about nothing but money, and barely did shyt in this place in return for the rent paid.  He is so worried about getting a tenant instead of prepping the apartment first?  Dayum.  See what I mean?  They are really something else.  But isn't it interesting that I got that call from Cablevision?  Someone sent me a sign today.  I wondered about that lock every time that I went to open it or close it and this call just confirmed my suspicion.  Maybe it was my father who sent me the sign?   Again, who rents an apartment and sets up services the same day the old tenant is supposed to move out?  Sounds shady.  Real shady. 

I was about to write them an email just saying that the lock was damaged, but after thinking a minute I decided that I'm gonna hold that little morsel.  I'll get 'em.  See, this all could have been easy, but no!!  They push it by coming in here, messing up my lock, and then set it up so that the a new person is in here the same night?  Nuh uh.  I know they need the rent money fast but not at the expense of my privacy and my rights.  Of course I can't prove that they were in here, but that f'd up lock and the person stating they are moving in on the same day that I leave speaks volumes dontcha think????

I'll fix 'em.

And no, that does not mean that I'm gonna mess up the apartment or leave it dirty.  That would be too easy.  Actually, I will leave with little fanfare on Sunday.  I have a more permanent way to get my hands in their pockets...when the time is right.

Rats, rats, rats!

I will make sure to wear my shades though so they won't see my eyes when I hand them the keys.  Just imagine if I could rip them off and my eyes turn blazing red and like Medusa I would turn them into friggin' stone! 

Hmmm, I need to get a camera and video up here lickety split so that I can take pics of the place so there won't be any bullshyt later though.  I don't know why I don't own one yet.  Geez.

But oohh...wait, just wait.  It's on and cracking now!  Shoot if I can get a month and half free rent AND my security deposit back, I'm sure that I can pull off my next caper with these people.. 

I'm gonna get 'em. 

You can bet on that.

I should have studied law to become a bankruptcy attorney. 

Saturday, February 6, 2010

I'm in popeyes knowing my azz should not be in here. And of course the people in front of me ordering are kinda...well u know. So of course I feel guilty as hell right now. Need to be keeping my money and fixing dinner at home! I have no discipline today.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The libido is like up there okay. Got me some 'hot chocolate' last week. Told him I needed him to relieve my stress. And did I mention my bankruptcy hearing? The place was packed with folks...young, old, and of almost every race. I sat worried while I wondered what would this guy ask me? I watched others sit thru the convos and the average time they sat with him was like 5 mins. He just asking general stuff...name, why are you filing, does anybody owe you...So in my mind I started practicing my answers. Didn't want to get all cotton mouth when it was my time. So he calls me up. 'Hi Ms. DOABW' (acronym for diary of a broke ass woman). Very pleasant?! He didn't even ask me what happened to my business. Just something like, 'have you used your credit cards? 'No' but to be honest I couldn't remember. Then he was like..'Good luck' and that was that. But of course it aint over until I get my ltr
Ok I'm on my way out of town for work and I wanna see if this mobile blogging works. Sitting eating this dry sandwich from subway. Be warned, the honey oat bread is not the bizness. So I think I'm gonna go ahead and rent the tiny spot with all the distant view of nyc. I was scared about it and asked to see it again to check for milk duds. The agent showed me like 8 spots and in damn near all of them I saw milk duds or traps or sumthing. I even opened the fridge in one apt and a roach was crawling inside! For real. I cannot hang with that at all! Today I also received confirmation that the landlord sent me security deposit back. Good cuz we were about to go on a crazy ride...sponsored by me of course. I'm sad to pack, but ecstatic to get away from these lame azzes. I hate when people think they are the Wizard of Oz when they are your landlord. For some reason they think that because you rent that u are beneath them or something. Man they didn't know me because I truly will go after you if you try to do me dirty. Anyhow, my drama with them will be over soon I hope. I can't wait to see if this posted on my site!