Can I talk about booty calls today?
Or if booty call is too harsh and crude for some, I'll call it a 'grown and sexy rendevous'.
But whatever you wanna call it, can I chat about it from a female perspective?
I'm not an expert on sex or men or anything, so what I write is just my thoughts on the whole booty call thing after a VERY INTERESTING evening with one particular brotha....
You need to warm the engine up before you wanna start driving.
Don't come to the door with your damn pants down and tongue hanging out like a hungry azz dog!
Don't you dare show up at my spot empty handed you big dummy! Don't you dare. Come bearing gifts, especially if this is your first time at my spot. As a matter of fact, even if it is not a booty call yo azz better bring something if it is your first visit. That means stop and get a bottle of wine BEFORE YOU GET HERE. Ask me what I like to drink BEFORE YOU GET HERE and go pick it up. Don't get here, realize your mistake, and then try to leave out trying to find an open liquor store. Boy please. Don't you know betta than to show up with nothing in your hand? Plan ahead for goodness sake. Stop and pick up something to set the mood for the situation beforehand and at least fake that you have a little swagger about yourself. Damn bruh - why you making me stay sober? I need the buzz so if you're dyck game is whack at least I get to keep the bottle that you brought. And even if you're not down with bringing the alcohol, go get a bag of chips and some salsa. Go to Popeye's and bring me a two piece. Raisinets? Flowers? A plant? Something!
And don't EVEN fix yo' mouth to ask if we could drink something from my stash either. Hells no! That stuff is for me, not you. Ain't no way you're gonna come over and drink up my shyt AND get some coochie too. You must be out of your damn mind.
Cardinal Rule #4 on Booty Call Etiquette
"You haven't even touched me yet."
You whining again? Boo hoo hoo. Didn't know I had to do all that in order for you to stay in the mood? Reluctantly I try to oblige and just go ahead and do whatever it is he needs though. "What do you want me to do?" But if possible, can you leave this need out of the booty call situation? I'm not an actress and it really is a bother to me sometimes.
And that's that.
Sad to say that the above is a TRUE story too. Bruh was just full of excuses. I knew something was wrong when he said he dreamt that I took my hand and put it up his...
I'll just stop there for now. Too funny.
Lames come in all ages, education levels, and tax brackets. Please believe that.
Next up...another Match date scorecard to post. I gotta digress from all of this men talk too. I have to talk about the biz competition I was in and the drama with this chick I tried to help win $10K down in ATL. But I was the winner....hee hee. More later!