Sunday, January 13, 2013

Where You Been?

(sits back and exhales...)
Finally.  I have carved out some time to blog.  I hold my head in shame for neglecting this blog like I have.  Damn.  For one I am so glad that NC17 has not taken me off his blogroll because if it weren't for him I probably wouldn't have anybody landing on this page to begin with.  I truly need to keep riding his coattails so at times I feel the need to keep blogging out of fear of being dropped by him!  LOL.  And I can't have that!  I don't have thousands of followers but the ones I do have I know I owe a lot of them to people clicking on the link over at Black Girls Are Easy.
But of course I don't just blog to keep my status up over on his site.  I have had tons of things to write about, and I do it to get things off my mind or make things clearer.  It's just been hard finding the place and time to do write.  I used to write all of those wonderful masterpieces while at work, but for the past year or so I haven't been able to do that.  Now that things are fugged up at the job and I'm working on leaving, I just have to rearrange my life and squeeze in time to do the things that I want to do --- like writing.  I felt that I was losing my touch, and my writing skills were getting rusty.  As I get older I even think that I have now have a touch of dyslexia, and I'll write something and when I read it, it sounds totally whack.  But I am gonna pound out this blog post anyway even if it kills me.  I have to bartend tonight (ugh, don't know why I volunteered because I got mad personal shyt to do), but I'm not gonna do another thing until I write this.  No matter what.  The girl is gonna write!! 
So what's first on the list? 
Should I talk about my mother telling me that I embarassed her yesterday after learning that I was a Broke Ass Woman after her nosey azz sister read something about me?  
Should I talk about that my job basically told me to get the f*ck on because I don't lick my manager's azz enough to his standards?  Well that's one of the reasons anyways.  LOL.  I'm not perfect but I do a decent enough job. 
Or how about some bar stories???!!  Yeah, yeah.  (rubs chin)
Should I talk about these hating azz broads at the bar I work with?  Or how about the time when this man called me a bytch over a $5.00 drink he felt he was cheated on? wait a minute!  Here's a good one.  I could write about The Artist Formerly Known as Cornrows turning into a possessive little weenie bytch!!!  That's probably the best story I have from 2012.  He caught feelings so hard that he would call me hollering about me talking too long to people at the bar, or that  he felt like he was my secret lover (which he was), and then the grand finale when he texted me calling me a trick and a hoe after he saw another dude in my car.  I can put anybody in my car that I want muthafucca!   I wasn't trying to hurt anybody, but it makes me exhausted just thinking about his insecure, weenie azz.  I think his birthday is this month too.  F*cker. 
I could talk about my pseudo boo boo, Mr. Trinidad, whose breath sometimes smells like boo.  No lie.  I think it's something internal going on with him because sometimes his breath smells like azz.  Once I went in the bathroom at work and someone had taken a dump, and it reminded me of his mouth.  Word.  If it wasn't for the "thickness" of that member I probably would have bounced a long time ago.  I keep him around because he is sweet and very thoughtful.  More thoughtful than anyone I have ever met.  He was my backup to The Artist Formerly Known as Cornrows and he was the alter ego of Tin Man who was a complete nightmare.  What we have is pretty good though, however there is one problem.  Sigh.  More on that later.
Then there is Tin Man.  The Monster.  The Weirdo.  The Aloof Moron.  The Heartbreaker.  We spoke the other day.  As much as he is a big zero to me, hearing his voice stirred something inside that made me want to feel it just one more time.  I think he could sense it  too, and dudes know how to reel you in once they got you going---they send you a stock photo of their dyck.  Yep.  That is exactly what Tin Man promptly did.  He was on it!  And he made sure that the one he sent was a close up where you could see that his thang was just bursting with flavor and ready to go!  Damn him!  At first I felt a tinge of insult when he sent it, but that feeling quickly subsided.  Now I really think we should just f*ck and go back to not talking again.   Hmmm, I dunno.  He is sooooo fluckin' whack and lame.  Not sure if it's worth it the effort. 
A new story is developing too.  The female clerk at the post office wants to have sex with me.   I can tell.  She stares at me and smiles like she wants to eat me.  I always sensed something funny in her eye contact but last week she was looking at me in that "way".  Hard.  I think she is like five minutes from going in for the kill.  It ain't gonna happen though.

And last but not least, there's Shallow Hal.  He has just gotten too hard to take as of late.  I'll just let those blog posts speak for themselves on what I mean by that.  I haven't spoken to him lately but I bet one of them gals ends up preggo in 2013.  I tried to make a bet with him on that and he would only make a three month bet.  I wanted to bet for the entire year.  Obvioulsy he knows he can't trust his reckless dyck to go a whole year "raw riding" two fertile 30-something women.
So what shall it be?  Maybe these little snipets are enough.  I know that is a lot negative stuff.  A lot.

Hmmm...what's good to talk about?
Well I saved $29K.  That's up about $17K from last year.  That's pretty good since I filed bankruptcy about two years ago.  I also went to the Dominican Republic and I was back in the Bahamas for solo trips.   I was a bit reckless when I was out there but I made it back in one piece.  I do stupid things with strangers and I need to be kicked in my azz.   Then the plane back from Miami lost an engine and I thought I was gonna die in a crash!   Emergency trucks and people were crying and everythang!  It was so scary.  It was one of the worst experiences in my life.
So I'm thinking.  Thinking.  Thinking.  What first?
In the meantime, I'll pat myself on the back and check the blog off the list for today.  I just need to bring my azz back sometime this week! 
I'll think about what to write while I go and organize my shoes.  I'm gonna take a guess and say I own probably 100 pairs.  And just bought another pair today; another pair that I don't need.
That's ridiculous right?  I clearly have a problem. 

More later.