Monday, August 30, 2010

Day #330: My Momma Says I Need To Take Medicine

Because I guess she thinks I'm crazy or something like that.

Blow Job 101 - Part II: The Man's G-Spot

Posting about this BJ thing is like having a monkey on my back.  It's not like I have a huge following and that people are sweating me for the details from the BJ class I took, but I guess it is just unfinished business that I feel I need to handle.

I went to the bar last night and had like five drinks (cuz people kept buying them for me).  Then I took a detour before going home and I scratched and dented my car when I was going thru the drive thru at the mothafuckn White Castle.  I knew I should not have taken my azz there!   But noooooo.....I just had to have that damn fish sandwich didn't I?  Mad as hell.  It has only been 10 months since I bought the car too.  It only has 3,600 miles on it but about close to that amount in damage already.  Ridiculous.  So of course I'm feelin' like a real azz this morning:

And I barely remember eating the damn fish sandwich so it must not have been all that anyway.  Lesson learned.  Don't take that many drinks and attempt to drive in a tight azz driveway through lane.  I guess it is my just deserves for accepting those free drinks because it will cost me a lot of money in the long run.
Now back this blow job thang.

P. Dicky (the instructor) gave some info on a few techniques and I could get into those but I don't feel like typing all of that because it was like ten of them!  The one that stood out in mind though, which was to HUM.  He even had us practice doing that on the cucumbers that he gave us.  He said that the vibrations from humming is a definite stimulator for a fella.  He said to slide your lips down about an inch and then just do a basic "Mmmmmmm."  Plus it also let's dude know that you are enjoying pleasuring him.  Okay that sounds easy enough.  Cool.

But what was really the head banger (pun intended) was this whole man G-spot thing.  I'll be honest, I never really thought about where a man's G-spot was in all my life.  I thought their entire d*ck was their G-spot.  LOL.  They sure act like it is.  I thought that it was just a female thing because you always hear how women say, "Oooh, that's my spot."  I never heard a dude say that though!  Hmmm...on second thought, maybe I have.  Hey Louis!  *waves*

Well P Dicky definitely enlightened me that night.  Instead if calling it a G-spot, he called it a He-Spot.  And where would that be????

In his booty. 

(insert booty pic here)
Ummm, on second thought I'm not gonna do that.  I Googled man booty pics and it took things to a whole 'nother level. 

Well actually it's the prostrate, which is located inside the anus.  In order to stimulate the prostate, you need to take your lubricated finger and put it inside his anus.  The make the motion with your finger as if to say "come here."  According to the Professor, this will drive a man crazee.  But he did acknowledge that most men ain't gonna be down with this, and you can't just start doing it to him either.  He said the basic test is this:  move your hand lightly across his booty cheek.  As you get closer to the spot, if his butt clenches up....

Go no further and retreat immediately.

But all is not lost!  An alternative though to this He-Spot stimulation is right before he comes, run the pad of your index finger up and down the skin between his testicles and his anus.  Apply just a slight bit of pressure when you do it.  Ok that sounds simple enough.  I ain't skerred to try it.  Anyway, I had this one boyfriend that didn't mind you touching his booty hole.  In fact, he told me to do that and he would be moaning and all that too.  I didn't make the connection that it was his HE-spot though.  That man had me doing everything anyway and I was like this mindless sex robot for him.  He was also the one that talked about threesomes with his friends...

*clears throat*

Oh that doesn't matter now anyway.  I wonder what he is doing now though?  Hmmmm.  Louis, Louis, Louis.  He was so damn fine.  Cute face.  Sexy body.  I don't know what it was, but that nicca was like a drug to me.  He was very open minded about a lot of stuff and I guess that's what made it all kinda wild and interesting. 
What I realized after attending this class was this....MEN ARE NOT OPEN MINDED ABOUT SEX AND THEIR BODIES, BUT THEY EXPECT WOMEN TO BE A LEAST 'OPEN' TO IT.   It's okay for us to take it anywhere right?  The coochie; the mouth; the azz.  It's all right for us to do it with other girls, do threesomes, do it with fingers, foreign objects, bottles, dildos, etc.  I mean how many p*ssy lickin' classes or websites do you think exist for men out there?  But I bet if you Google blow job there would be plenty of info on how to please a man.  I'm not angry about it or anything like that, it is just amazing how women have done it all in terms of sex.   But what do men do to reciprocate our open mindedness?  Or do we women even require it? 


I would say we probably don't expect men to be open minded about sex and their bodies.  I like using toys and men even have an issue with that sometimes.  "What I can't satisfy you myself?" comment.  It's like they think their d*ck is all you need, but that is not always the case.  Sorry boo boo.

In reality though, a man's bag of tricks doesn't have to be as varied as ours I guess.  I'm sure that some men just want women to do the basic moves anyway --- riiiight?  Trying new stuff can actually be risky, because if you come up with something different he might start ackin' jealous and holler, "Where you learn that shyt from!?  Who you been with?"  

"You ain't teaching me nothing so I did some research to help pleasure yo' azz and now you wanna get pissy about it?  Ok forget it then." 

Then of course lata after he has thought about it his azz will be asking,"Why don't you do that thing you did last week?"  Ooooh, so you DID like it after all huh?  Nah, bruh.  You acted like a fool about it so you gets no more of that.  Shut him down...but not for good.  Let him marinate on the error of his ways, and revisit the technique in a few weeks or months.  He just needs to go on punishment for a while so that he understands to keep his damn mouth closed the next time you try something new on him. 

So there's part three.  I guess I need to try to find some pictures to put in this post, but I can't do it now because I'm at work.  So for now, the picture of the donkey will have to do.

ONE MORE THING!  According to P. Dicky, a hooked/curved d*ck is better than an straight one.  It does that 'come here' thing like I described above, which hits the female G-spot and makes ya 'squirt' - which is supposed to be the bomb.  That's why those sex toys and dildos are sometimes a little curved at the tip!  Woooow!  And I always thought a crooked d*ck was NOT a good thing...go figure.

*eyes widen*

Monday, August 23, 2010

Day #323: Four Days and You're Done Son

Ok, ok.  Gettin' my mind right for the NYC Cougars and Cubs shing ding tomorrow night.  I'm gonna hit it up after the gym (and a shower of course).  Supposed to be nasty weather and a few backed out because they didn't like the time so....we shall see.

In other news...
I met a guy last Friday, and it was over by Tuesday.  I shut 'em down. 

Age 36 from Detroit.  Kids 20, 15, and 3.

Basically he told me that he was too smart and well read and that he couldn't learn anything from a female at this point in his life.  Say what?  Um you cute and all  but that statement was waayyy too cocky for me.  And besides that he wanted to challenge me on every damn thing that I said!  We were straight arguing up in the bar okay?  So I end the night in a classy way, he walks me to the subway, and he tries to say something slick in my ear to butter me up.  Too late!  I like smart brothas but smart azz brothas ain't nothing but a headache.

So the next day he sends me a message talking about he wanted me so bad and blah, blah, blah.   How is that when you basically said that I couldn't stimulate you because you are some highly intellectual being from Planet Michigan? 

I never showed my annoyance though, even in my texts.  I was cool breeze about it and responded, but I also said peace and hair grease at the same time.  Goodbye!

His response, "Damn.  You sent me the farwell text."

Yessir, I did.  How ya like me now?

So why two days later did he text me asking, "So are you through with me already?"

Negro please.

You're so damn smart but I guess you wasn't smart enough to figure out I was through with you days ago?  What else do you need me to say?

I'm telling you these dudes think they got game and they ain't got shyt.  I guess because I didn't get mad and loud he didn't know that I was done with his azz?  Puhleeze.  I don't wanna hear all that lip about how I could never measure up to you, and then you turn around talking about 'wanting me' the next day!  Probably just another nicca on an azz quest I bet.  But instead with this fool he got ahead of himself and was talking trash before he closed the deal.

I guess you weren't so smart after all, Charlie Brown?  Here's a song just for you bruh:

"I'm not here for your entertainment,
You don't really wanna mess with me tonight,
Just stop and take a second,
I was fine before you walked into my life,
Cuz you know it's over,
Before it begins.
Keep your drinks just give me the money!
It's just you and your hand tonight."

Random thoughts:
- Peeping Juan rearranged his shades, so now he can see me but I can't see him.  Waiting on the building to get me something for that damn bathroom window!
- Money from bartending is aiight.  Bartending in a hood bar is definitely a trip.  Black Women are a real trip when it comes to a service/customer interaction.  They just be mad for no f*ckn reason and complain about everything.  They are the ABCs - Angry Black Chicks.
- Trying to get a secured card to start rebuilding the credit profile.  It's not that easy!!!! 
- Mr. Sharpie has a very shrill voice for a man. 
- Men and Asian women.  Read something that blew my mind.  Mr. Farts and Boogers in my office likes Asian chicks and now I understand why!

Does a BJ From a Guy Mean Ur Gay?

Someone stumbled on here by Googling this question. 

Does a blow job from a guy mean that you're gay?

 I thought it would be a good question to ask.  Never really thought about it though...

Better yet, here's the flip side to that:

Does letting a girl go down on you mean that you're a lesbian?

With all of the 'girl on girl' stuff we see nowadays I wonder how people would respond to that!


Saw two snowbunnys putting on a show at the Giants game on Saturday.  Their two little boyfriends were loving it too.  It was just subtle stuff like cuddling and bumping coochies and boodies. Hugging each other with one standing behind the other cradling boobs.  Little 20 somethings...barely. 

When did all of this come into such popularity?  Or has it always been and because of video and the internet it's just more in our faces?  I remember when this boyfriend of mine kept hounding me to do a threesome.  Wow.  Long story.  Or how about that time when I played on this softball team and this white girl from the team called me up AT WORK asking me to get with her and her boyfriend.  Another long story.  I guess I had many adventures during my roaring twenties that I never spoke about until now.

Anyways.  Maybe someone Googled this because they slipped up!  SCANDAL!!

I wonder what came up (besides my blog) when he/she searched for it.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Peeping Tom

Well maybe not a Peeping Tom, but a Peeping Juan.

I got out of the shower and dried off.  I hung up my towel and went back to the sink to do my face routine. 

In the nude.

As I am putting the moisturizer on my face, I take a glance out of my bathroom window...and there he was.

He was looking through my window from his window on the floor above me.  When he noticed that I caught him, he ducked down ever so slowly and out of sight.  Some young Spanish guy.  Peeping Juan.

My heart was beating fast.  That was some wild shyt right there.

They have the wrong type of window in there any f*kn way, the glass is not frosted.  You can't even hang a curtain because it's all tile around the window.    Mothafucca probably been looking through his window at me for a while.  The most he probably saw was my boobs I think.  I don't think he could see my 'nether regions' though (I borrowed that from that funny bloggin' chick Ms. Behaving.).  But if he did then so be it.

Should I report it to the building management?  They are so damn lame though that I might end up cussing them out.  They need to buy me some of that stuff you can put on your window to make it look frosted.

Yeah, fat chance of that happening.  If I do it myself when I move out they'll probably say I f*d up the window and charge me for it.

An-e-way.  I'm not that freaked out honestly.  I should have started diggin' in my nose or diggin' in my butt when I saw him looking, and then I should have stuck my finger up in the air.

Now I think of it!  Oh well.

Then my coworker keeps bringing his azz to my desk, farting, and then walking away.  He is not doing it on purpose, but when he does it he always hurries up and leaves.  He leaves the scene of the crime and I'm sitting here in a fart cloud looking mad.  One day I'm gonna tell him about it.  For real.  I already hollered at him for diggin' in his nose last month (maybe that's where I got the idea to do that from?).  He thought I didn't see that shyt but I did.  Then when I told him he went right back to typing on his computer too.  Typing with boogers probably on his fingers.  Nasty, nasty, nasty.

Geez.  The things that I have to I deal with....and it ain't even 3 o'clock yet.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Day #312: This Facebook Shyt...

I slid by this bar to have a drink and listen to some music.  I was minding my own business and happily sippin' on multiple Apple Martinis (I think I had at least four).  I was coolin' by myself, and sitting there scheming as to how I was gonna get some more money in my pockets.  Snapping my fingers to the music and cougar chillin'.

Of course I was scoping out the room and checking out the dudes with the collared shirts between taking sips of my drink.  I don't know why my high beams come on when I see the Wall Street types.  It's just something about them just makes me get all charged up.  I guess I assume that they will be a sexy mix of smart, intellect, and nerd all rolled up into one delicious chocolate kiss.  But boy was I wrong.

SIDEBAR:  Why did Henessey just show up at my door at like 1:00am this morning?  I was talking to him earlier in the evening and my phone died, but nowhere in that convo did I tell his big belly azz to come to my crib.  Well I guess we all know what happened a while later - it turned into a booty session.  Hell, why not?  No need to waste a perfectly good d*ck when it shows up at your door unexpected like that.  :) I guess it helped take my mind off Saafir's death.  I still don't like his ways though.  Lame, no goal havin' muthafucca. 

So back to the story...

Out of nowhere these collared fellas come by me and start talking.  I was so buzzed that the next thing you know one of them was in my face.  I think we kissed too?  Or touched lips or something like that.  I don't even remember hardly to be honest but the guy said we did a few days later.  What I do remember though is that he kept asking my age and I wouldn't tell him.  He kept pestering me that eventually I just had to say,

"How old do you want me to be?"

He paused as if he were caught off guard.  Then he said something dumb like 55 or something to be funny. 

"Whatever then I'm 55", I said while calmy sipping  on whatever he had bought me by then.

"Ok, um 28".   Again I said cool, "I'm 28 today and that's my final offer", and I started clapping and drunk dancing in my seat.  Unless you are carding me for my drink what you need to know my age for sir?   All you need to know is what I'm drinking on and know to buy me another one before my glass gets empty.  Dummy. 

He kept on pushing me for the age and my digits but I wasn't budging.   Eventually I left because I was getting f*ckd up and I still had to get home on the subway.  I gave him my business card even though he insisted on getting my cell phone number too.  No way bruh!  After that fool sent me those naked pics on my phone I don't give out my cell right away to these fools now. 

A few days later I get a friend request on Facebook.  It's dude from the bar.  His message says "You shouldn't kiss strangers.  And you should give people your phone number when they ask for it."

Ok I thought that it was cute.  I was also a little flattered by it too.

I respond and we go back and forth but I don't accept his friend request after about a week.  I needed to see what he was about because something didn't seem quite right to me.  He keeps asking to friend him on FB so then I suspected that he wanted to try to find out my age from my page.  My name is common as hell so he had to search a little bit to find me too, and I found all of this effort he was taking to be a little bit odd anyway.  I smelled bullshyt.  So I Googled his name and he was a member of some Black website, and there he was with his girflfriend in the photo and making a shout out to her.  I got his age too - 27.  So what's really going on here then?  I figured that his game was about stroking his damn ego because I wouldn't give him my cell number at the club that night.  So being the risk taker that I am,  I decided to test my theory and I gave him my number.  The plan was to call his bluff because I already felt that this nucca was just playing games.

And I was right...

Once I gave him the number, he said wouldn't call me unless I accepted his friend request too.  WTF is this shyt?  Now getting your phone number ain't good enough anymore? SO MUST I INVITE YOU INTO MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK WORLD NOW TOO?  Straight bullshyt.  All of this damn technology is really taking the dating game to another level.   First I give my number out and this other fat fool sends me text porn, now this.  By this time I'm getting annoyed but I continue to play the game.  You got the number fool so what the hell is the problem?   We go back and forth a little more and eventually he gets tight about it and turns into a little bitch.  He said, "Forget the whole thing.  It's not that serious." 

You're right muthafucca.  It ain't that serious.  I never invited your azz to my FB page in the first damn place okay?!!!  You just showed up knocking at my FB door out of nowhere chump, and you have the nerve to get salty when I don't let you in even with a number in your hands?    All we did was get in each other's faces for like 30 minutes, and I don't give a f*ck if I did kiss you ( if that's what you said we did.)  I still don't know you dammit so you don't need to know what I'm thinking on FB.  You don't need to see me with my red lipstick and bra top circa 1991.  And you don't need to see what's on my f*ckin' wall either.  That's too much information that I'm giving of myself and I didn't even remember your name until you made the damn friend request.  Although I can limit what he sees on FB if I make him my friend without these concerns, my policy is that no one that I date or messin' around with gets access to my FB page anyway.  Point blank.

So I respond and tell him that I had a bad experience with giving out my info, and Mr. Smart Azz writes back,"  You can't receive the future if you continue to live in the past."

My response:  "I am learning from my past in order to have a better future.  Moving on."

This was certainly an interesting twist and I learned something new.  I guess now if some guy asks if I am on FB I will just say no at first.  Or create a FB page just for these fools.  As for the cell phone, I might just get one of those prepaid things and let that be the Cougar Phone (instead of the Bat Phone like in Batman) with no text messaging on it. 

"You have reached The Kitty Kat Hotline.  Please hold and the next available cougar will be right with you."

I need to bring this dating shyt back to the good old days when a fella would call you and actually TALK to you if they were interested.   This FB and Twitter shyt is getting crazy.  I don't even do Twitter okay.  If I am going to play the cougar role I guess I need to get with how these young cubs like to communicate?  My how the game continues to change.

I also realize that I have to come up with a slicker way of getting around the age question.  People just expect you to answer.  When you don't, then the conversation gets stupid and off track.  Should I just lie?  Should I just say it?  I dunno.  Gotta think about it.  It's just when you tell people how old you are it seems to change things.  My friend Kim said the same thing and she has also said that she doesn't tell her age anymore.  And she hates men so it has nothing to do with dating for her.  You would think that being older and looking a decade or more younger is a good thing; but it all depends on who you're talking to.  Skrait up.


I'm thinking that getting that other phone may not be a bad idea after all though. 

Went to my college reunion this past weekend and I saw MY FIRST again.  Man I fell hard for him back then! To say that I was strung out would be an understatement.  Still good lookin' though.  I would have talked to him more if his damn ex-girlfriend wasn't in his face the whole time.  She was still in his face just like she was in college and continued to block any access to the brutha.  Wow.  Some things never change.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Mad people hitting the blog because I was writing about blow jobs.  I knew it!  No way someone all the way from Singapore just 'happened' to stop by.

My fellow bloggers are doing the 30 day blog challenge, but I got plenty of shyt to talk about.  LOL.  But it does sound pretty interesting.  I might do it....lata.
Still in mourning about my baby.  It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.  I guess in a few days I'll feel better.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Day #309: Losing My Best Friend

I'm sad.

My cat is dying.  He can't breathe.  He won't eat.  I don't know how many days he has left.  I've had him for 16 years, ever since he was little poot butt in the pet store.  I remember the day that I got him too.  I was twenty four and had just put my little black kitten to sleep because he got sick.  His name was Cat Daddy.  Then I got Saafir.

Saafir has been my ride or die buddy for real.  We have lived in Chicago, Texas, Seattle, Salt Lake City, and the east coast.  Wherever I went, he went.  He's just like me; we would just roll up on our new spot together and make the best of it.  No problem!  And when we got tired of a situation we bounced.  No problem!  I guess now he's tired of being sick so he's letting me know that it's his time to bounce.  I'll be so sad when he's gone.

I used to get mad at him when he meowed too much or pissed on the floor.  I got mad at him the other day for pissin' on the floor but then he kept doing it anyway.  That's when I realized something was wrong with my baby.

Going to get him from the vet later. 

I'll just cuddle him a lot and let him know that I love him.  But I hope he knows that already.

Sad Friday.

(tears in my eyes)
UPDATE:  He died before I could pick him up.  He's gone. It cost $547 and I have no cat?  Wow.  That's a double gut punch.  I should have just kept him at home instead of him dying at the vet for all that money.  If I had known he was that bad I would have just kept him here and took the day off.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Blow Job 101 - Part II: Make It Taste Good...

I know that it's been like a month since I talked about going to that BJ class.  Yeah I am mad late getting to this but I get so damn distracted with all the other shyt that I'm doing.  My head is all over the place and it's not good at all.  When I'm at home I'll start something then go lay on the bed for a few minutes, then jump up, do a little more around the house and then lay on the bed again.  I'll do that like five times at least before finishing up things around the crib.  Just laying there in the bed thinking about the most irrelevant and random things. 

I even laid there once and thought about that episode of The Cosby Show when Denise made Theo that Gordon Gartrell shirt? 
 SMH.  Like really, what the f*ck am I doing? 

But onto to the subject at hand - The Art of Fellatio.  I have decided to break this up in little parts so that it doesn't get too long.

DISCLAIMER:  Even though I write about my escapades in this diary, I don't always think about dudes and their d*cks.  I wonder what's in their pockets too. 

Before I begin, I must introduce Professor D*ck aka 'P-Dicky'.  He teaches the class around the city and has some sort of Masters in Anatomy or Chemistry or something like that.  He looked about 40 something with a bald head.  Bit of a gut but passable.  P-Dicky was a fast talker, but he was pretty funny too.  He wasn't fine or anything like that but surprisingly he had a little flavor.  You could tell he hung out with brothers sometimes too by what he said and the way he acted.  So even though he was a white boy I could appreciate the knowledge he was giving out.  Hell they say white girls give good head so that should mean that white boys should be good teachers.  Fact or fiction?  Well all I can say to that is time will tell. 


P-Dicky talked about a lot of things, and I'll try to cover as much as I can over the next few diary entries. 

When I arrived to the spot I was directed to a room that was behind a big velour courtain.  I entered the dimly lit space and was greeted by a woman who asked me to sign my name on a sheet.  Then she looked up, smiled, and promptly gave me a really huge cucumber.  

"Sign your name on the dottled line,
The lights went out,
And Nikki started to grind..."

Well not quite, but that's the song that popped in my head when I took my seat.  P-Dicky talked about himself and then mentioned the cucumber.  He said that he would use it to demonstrate certain things, and if he was gonna put it in his mouth, WE ALL were gonna put it in our mouths.  So immediately, he said "Do It", and we did.  What a hell of an ice breaker!  Honestly cucumbers mess with my head and give me ideas.  They really look intimidating in the grocery store and take my mind to nasty places.  Just think if I took one home with me?  Needless to say my freaky mind is the reason why you won't find a cucumber in my house.  It has to be cut up within the first hour if I am gonna buy one, but honestly I just don't bother.

Even though P-Dicky didn't talk about this until about the middle of the class, I think this is an important thing to mention first  ---TASTE.   I mean don't we girls try to make sure we are daisy fresh and not smelling like stank coochie before we start to get it in?  Don't we plan ahead by brining little wipes or saying "uh, can I go to the bathroom real quick'' just in case'?  It never even crossed my mind that you can actually try to plan ahead so that his stuff can taste betta if you think you are let him come in your mouth.  Remember this episode from Sex In The City?

I can honestly say that I haven't been through this; or maybe I have and just didn't know any better.  But now I do dammit!  Like they say, you are what you eat.  Professor D*ck said that acidic foods can make his shyt taste a little yucky.  Eating fish can affect taste too.  Basically whatever dude eats within four hours of going down on him might affect how it comes out in his semen.  I didn't know that AT ALL, and I could see that the other women in the room didn't know it either.  If he drinks fruit juice like pineapple juice, or eats fruits like strawberries or kiwi about two to four hours before it should do the trick to make it take sweet.  Wow!  So now if I go out to dinner and he eats a big ol' plate of fish or some asparagus tips, when we get home and do the do, I might be tasting something that resembles fish juice in my mouth?  LOL.  Yuck!  I guess I could use this as bribery for a fella to eat right too though.  "Go ahead and eat that f*cked up cheeseburger with those grilled onions on it and I'll betcha no mouth action will be poppin' off lata homie."

But Professor D*ck (P-Dicky) said that the bitter taste buds are in the back of your mouth anyway so if you can, try to catch the come on the front of your tongue where the sweet taste buds are.  That might help.  He said just keep it in the front of your mouth and swallow in one big gulp instead.  I dunno but that sounds complicated.

He also said you can pop a Tic Tac in your mouth before going down on him too to make it taste better.  An Altoids mint or a Halls cough drop could work too but because of the high levels of menthol in them, if his penis is chaffed he could end up feeling a burning sensation. 

Screech.  Stop the bus.

WTF is a chaffed d*ck?  How does that shyt happen cuz I thought only lips and babies booties got 'chaffed'?  Damn.  I gotta look into that one.  But then on the other hand the menthol could make him tingle a little bit too.  Tingling is good.  So I guess I gotta ask him first as I put a Halls in my mouth, "Baby, are you okay with this or do I need to bust out the Desitin ointment instead?"  Wooooww.  You learn something new everyday.

P-Diddy said that you really should discuss (make it known) whether or not you are willing to swallow or to have him come in your mouth.  You know a guy will start pushing your head down towards his penis, or start moving his body up toward your head so that you will get the hint that he wants you to take him in your mouth.  I get annoyed when dudes do that sometimes.  How do you even know I wanna do that right now or AT ALL to you?  And then when you do have him in your mouth and he starts to come, he grabs your damn head and holds it there so that you can't move?   Hate that too and it's not cool either.  If the girl is down for swallowing then it won't be necessary to hold her head in the first place.   Duh?   Find out what's up beforehand or tell him what's up beforehand.  There are a lot of women who don't want to swallow, so a man shouldn't force it on her by testing to see if she will start to wiggle out of a head lock or not.  The man should ask if she would be allright with it so his azz won't get bit or thrown out of the bed when he does that head grabbing shyt. 

But as for the female, P-Dicky said not to freak out when he does come in your mouth, and don't be sprinting out of bed to the bathroom gagging and spitting like a damn fool either.   Brothers don't like that shyt either so try to keep it classy.  Keep a bottle or cup by your bed to spit it into and a bottle of water to drink from to wash the taste from your mouth.   Don't go screaming for the hills.

But if it is agreed that the female doesn't want the man to come in her mouth, then dude will have to have a designated place to do it right?  That is usually on himself.  P-Dicky said don't get all freaked out over that either by saying things like, "Ewww that's nasty" and all that shyt.  It's natural so just be cool and handle it like you 'understand".  He said that one lady he was with didn't want it in her mouth, but had a bowl with warm water and a towel under her bed so when he was done she wiped him off real nice (not all hard like your momma did when she wiped your face when you were a kid).  Ok, ok, that was a smooth move.  So I guess using the hard, scratchy paper towel ain't sexy huh?  I guess if a fella had to choose between the absorbency of a Bounty paper towel vs. a warm wet cloth the choice would be obvious.

Point taken.

Finally, although most men prefer that women swallow because it makes them feel more accepted and loved, they will settle for the following (according to the P-Dicky):

* Letting him ejaculate on your face.  Porn-star-ish but men love that.  Just watch your eyes though because he said semen can sting.  Ooohhh....can I really do that?  I don't even like saliva or sweat.  Ok what is the fascination with seeing come on someone's face?  I guess that's a question for the Porn Master.  I'll hit him up lata.
* Finish him off with a hand job and tell him that you love watching him reaching his top.  Talk to him all sweetie pie like when he's done.  Yeah the 'stuff' will be on your hand but get some Wet Naps and wipe your hand off.  Simple and again, don't be acting all bougie.

* Let him come on his own stomach, then use that warm towel thang as mentioned above.   P-Dicky says that men don't want to feel that you're disconnected from them by acting weirded out.  They also don't want you to think that you're disgusted by their 'stuff' either (like when you're running to the bathroom to spit it out). Even if you are a bit disgusted, just play the shyt off.

Aiight?  So that's two posts down - drooling was the first (last post); swallowing was the second.  Hope to get the third post this week.

Side notes:

  • Finally reached a solution that I can live with the attorney.  I got 60% of the settlement back on my side of the fence because the devil was trying to take 50/50.  Good cuz I was lining my shyt up to fry that mothafucca.  I'm cool with that and moving on.  I like money.

  • Someone gave me a chance and I started bartending at a neighborhood bar.  I don't see many Black people bartending in NYC and that dawned on me when I started looking.  White girls and Asian chicks got that on lock.  So now I can try to make the money back that I spent on the class. I get to be a sexy bartender too.  I think I'll just be there like two days a week.  That's cool.  Again, I like money.

  • I confess.  I tasted some Hennessey (or rather I let him taste me - giggle) a few weeks ago.  Although it was pretty good I told him last night that nothing more than sex will probably happen between us.  He's a 'good time guy' and if I wanna have a good time I'll call him.  That's about it.  I don't like his ways but I do like his d*ck - and his mouth too.  LOL.  (I'm so baaaadd).

  • Signed up for another Cougars and Cubs club.  First event coming up soon.  I'm f*cking up with that stuff.  I don't keep up with it. 

  • Lastly, I saw two big azz Milk Duds in my apartment this weekend.  Damn.  Seven months left on the lease.  I'll be in a rubber room by then I think.