Friday, March 11, 2011

Why Buy the Pig?

"Why buy the pig when you just want sausage every now and then?"

That's the comment of the fluckin year!  Yeah buddy!

I read that on NC17's blog and trust me, I couldn't have said it better myself.  I think this will be my new mantra. 
Last night dude asked me to be his girl.  ^^^^  But why be tied down to one dick as this chick put it? 
"We don't have anything in common and I don't like your hair", is how I replied his question.    Then he said he would change his hair if that is all it took to be in a relationship with me.  Negro please.  Are you nuts?  You just need to change that shyt anyway and I don't want it put on me if you end up not liking your new look.  Ahhhh, he is just hypnotized by the p*ssy anyway so I'm not gonna put much weight on what he is saying.  He kept on talking about this relationship shyt and the convo was getting too deep for me.  So out of nowhere I started with, "So when you gonna come over and gimme some?", and in an instant the subject was changed.  Men are so funny.  See how easy that was?

He ain't boyfriend material anyway.  He's nice and cool to talk to but he's just another hood dummy.  Too basic in the brains and too limited in his life experience for my taste.  He's basically just good for d*ck and that's the way I am gonna keep it.
I'm sooo distracted though.  Pretty Brown is back...texting only for now.  It would be nice to have him back on my d*ck roster though.  It was soooo good.  It looked soooo good.  It was always soooo delicious and he just melts in my mouth.  But it's more than sex with him.  He's in my head and that's not a good candidate for the d*ck roster.  So it's best to leave him alone.  He is not doing anything different anyway.  Just texting a lot of nice words and saying shyt that he thinks I wanna hear.  Just like before.  The fucca still won't call either.  I wish texting never came out cuz dudes sho' know how to use it to avoid talking to you.  Anyway this whole thing is just dumb and I am just torturing myself.  The therapist asked me what would I get out of talking or texting him?  I couldn't even answer her and just spoke a bunch of gibberish.  She's right though.  What am I doing? 
I met this other guy at a Black meetup event though.  He has his own business and is a ex-NYC cop.  He's aiight looking but I don't like the spaces in his teeth.  I know.  I'm bad aren't I?   But he is nice and intelligent and has been places and done things.  He seems open minded about things too.  The other bad thing also is that he seems a bit thirsty though.  I can't stand frantic, hungry for a kiss muthafuccas!  Ewwww.  Would you relax please??!!!  I kissed him on the cheek and then he sends me a text saying that next time he hopes to get a 'grown up kiss."  It was like the second time we went out okay?  That makes me really not want to kiss you now.  These types of guys just end up buggin you to f*ck all the time once you go there and end up becoming a pain in the azz.  Now Pretty Brown.... I was kissing him within 60 minutes of meeting him, but there was this crazy attraction that was going on between us.  Now with this one?  It's not there yet, and I'm not sure if it will ever be.  Anyway he's not putting in the work and his communication game is weak.  Imma about to pass his azz over and go shopping for someone else.  He can stay in the shopping cart for now with the other 'sausages', but I don't think I will be taking him to the checkout line.  I'm just not seeing it.
I gotta come back here later and elaborate on this buying the pig thing.  The more I say it the better it sounds.  I'm thinking about getting a t-shirt with that printed on it.

Getting distracted again....

I was thinking about my Mexican ex-boyfriend.  He is the best.  I keep seeing women commenting on sites to date other races and he is definitely proving that to be true.  Even though it has been years since we were kickin' it, he is just as reliable and cool as he was when we were living together.  I'm kinda thinking about doing that.  Brothers got baggage just as much as anyone else.  I'm just getting tired of the fronting and the lies and the sensitivity and the inconsideration.  But I know me, that won't last for long.  I like chocolate too much to give it up completely. 

SIDE NOTE:  You would think in NYC I would see cutie pies all over the place but I don't.  I think that is very odd.  In Chicago you usually see something tasty every now and then, but here...nope.


  1. He's nice and cool to talk to but he's just another hood dummy. Too basic in the brains and too limited in his life experience for my taste.


    My "homegirl" tried to hook me up with her fiance's barber. A barber with 3 kids and an absentee mother. She thought we would be a good match because I have 1 kid. I don't phawkin think so. I had to let her know that I don't want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. I want all of the things you mentioned...good looks, intelligence, chemistry. At 31, I don't want a basic dude. Sorry!

    And no that dude did not text you asking for a "grown up kiss" next time!! #thirsty LOL

  2. This was definitely one of the funnier reads. I definitely feel you though.

  3. Attraction is such a personal thing - was that the bro with the corn rolls? 2 funny keep it going!!!!

  4. LOL @ jetaime! Yeah being single ain't so bad sometimes. You really get to shop around a lot more. Too bad I keep finding these wankstas though. Meeting them at the bar I work at...

  5. I like ur name "hood dummy" I call 'em "unfinished men" like they just stopped at 18-23 don't wanna learn nothing and ain't gonna....ick

  6. OMG we must have the same guy on the "roster" sounds just like the dude I been talking to (texting to) he was talkin all that good shit thinking that's what I wanted to hear but I turned the tables on that ass and jacked him for his D*ck!! afterwards he ran (literally) out of my house saying he needed some air, give me a f*&ckn break!!