Monday, June 20, 2016


I play Russian Roulette with jobs and I can't stop.  It's like a sickness that I can't seem to get rid of.

My problem is that many times I'll accept multiple job offers because I can't decide on one.  I'll even have a job already and accept two others and end up fking two of them up.  I just burn bridges for no damn reason instead of just 'respectfully" turning the job down.  I'll either wait until one or two days before the job starts and say I can't come, or don't come at all, or I'll come there for a couple days and then not go back.  Or I'll be working one job and then call off while I go and "test" out another job.  I don't know what's wrong but I have become very skittish and it's wrecking my life!!!

Although many may say that I am "lucky" to get these multiple job offers at one time, I don't usually "feel lucky". My thing is that I agonize over the choices.  I lay awake at night thinking about it.  I talk to myself in public and alone about it. I even text and call my friends asking them to "help" me decide. And even with alla this conversation, it does very little to get me towards making a decision.  I just waste everybody's time and the clock just ticks away while I got people preparing for me to start working for them.  It's pathetic and I don't know how to stop it.   

Like I'm in a situation right now...TONIGHT...and I'm sitting here on blogger talking about it instead of making a decision.  Just looking for any type of way to get me to settle my mind about these two choices.  Maybe someone out in Bloggerworld might have an opinion?  Awww it wouldn't make any difference anyway probably. I need to write something on my blog page anyways because I am long overdue.  

The older I get the more indecisive I am about choosing jobs. What's wrong with me?  Is it that I don't wanna work for any of them????  The problem usually is that neither job is the perfect set up, and I don't know which way to go.  So here is my current situation.

I recently took a full time job after contracting for a few years.  The job pays less than what I was making as a contractor, but it's stable and I took it to boost my resume. I wasn't planning on staying at the FT gig forever so the pay cut was about me getting some health benefits for this vayjayjay operation.  I'll save that for another day because I can't even decide on that surgery either.  See what I mean????  I can't decide on anything lately.

On the other hand I have this four-week contracting job making DOUBLE what I make on a full time salary (if I worked on an hourly basis).   For many this would be a no-brainer decision right? Not for meee! The four weeks ain't bothering me.  What keeps creeping up in my mind is that I could make over $15K in those four weeks!  It would take me 8 weeks at the full time gig to make that same pay.  

And before you say it, I already know the ups and downs of contracting.  But I do it because the reward is often worth the risk. Yes contracting is unstable and risky, but making the change to it has made a world of difference in my life.  Not only do the contracting jobs pay more money (I've saved $100K), but mentally it has helped me "be okay" with working for others.  I also don't feel like a slave because if I get tired of something I can just move on and not be looked at as a job hopper.  In my opinion these employers just want to the job done and that's it.  So I like it when I can just sit in my seat, do my work, and get my check.  When I'm contracting I don't have to worry about performance reviews, bullshyt raises, clock watchers, being skipped for promotions, etc.

The dilemma is that I want to still work the contract job and not have to quit it, but I can't be in two places at the same time.  I asked my manager at the FT gig if I could work in the late afternoons and Saturday during the four weeks.  I wasn't surprised at the response, "We can't because you're new and it would be a conflict of interest." 

 Booooooo.  Man I'm so tired of hearing that!  

What conflict of interest?  All the average employee is "interested" in is getting a paycheck and some damn benefits.  Puhleeze.  Miss me with that conflict of interest stuff.  I feel that a job telling me that I can't make extra money or that I need their "approval" is like putting their hands in my pockets.  To me that smells like slavery.

After that let down, I kept being the risky person that I am.  Since I already put my azz out there when I asked for a schedule modification, I took it a step further today and called out from the FT job.  Instead I went to "test" the contract job to see what it was all about.  The job is not bad at all!  Boring though.  It's good and fast money but in order to go I would have to be a runaway slave. Because Massa FT telling me I can't work another plantation.  

Sigh.  So what the hell am I gonna do tomorrow morning?  

  1. Am I calling off of the FT job two days in a row?  
  2. Am I quitting the FT gig and going to the contractor job?
  3. Am I quitting the contract job after one day and going back to safe FT?
I have to decide in eight hours..and so far writing this blog DID NOT HELP.  These are the times that I wish I could win the lottery.

What us gonna do?  I HATE THIS SHYT.


  1. Out of interest what is your line of work and what kind of job are you doing at the moment. You seem to have a lot of choices. Sometimes having a lot of choices can be a pain in itself. I only experienced that when I was about to enter university and I got admission to several universities and for different courses that I had difficulty choosing. My friends were irritated because some of them couldn't even get one admission at the time.

  2. Hi. I work for banks doing investigations. But the same thing like you said, my friends have been out for months looking for work. At least 4-5 right now and when this month thing will be over it will be many more of us. It just depends on if they pick you resume out of stack. :(

    Sometimes it pours in this field for some, and dry for others. It's high risk but high reward. But this life is kinda driving me cray.