Day 107: Being a Beotch

Wow.  I haven't been on here in a month and so much has been happening.  It's been kinda hard to focus because I have been getting hit with something all the time.  But I'm here today.  Day 107.

But before I talk about my 'stuff', first let me talk about the tragedy in Haiti.  I sit here nightly and watch the news reports and my heart hurts!  Last night I saw a news report where a young boy was hit in the head with a rock and his face was covered in blood.  On a good note though I also watched an amazing telethon on Larry King Live where people like Diddy, J Lo, Paula Abdul, Russell Simmons, Snoop, Danny Glover, Will I Am, and other celeb white people that I didn't know (LOL) manned the phones and took people's donations.  They raised 5 million dollars for Haiti in two hours!  AMAZING!

After seeing all that happened there, I was reminded of how I used to always volunteer and help others.   In the past I worked in a soup kitchen, tutored kids and adults, sorted clothes for the needy, worked with at-risk youth, etc.  From like 22 years old, I was volunteering for things that I would see listed in the newspaper (this was before the internet came along) and just show up.  My first real volunteer experience was tutoring a guy that was the same age as me, 22 years old, but he could only read at a first grade level..  He had a high school diploma and everything and he didn't know the sounds of letters.  I worked with him for about a year or so.   It was definitely an eye opener about the school system for me.  He told me how he got around driving without reading, how he ordered food and pretended to read menus, how he filled out job applications.  It was really something to hear how he got around in his life.

I used to just do these things because I liked to, and then it happened - MY BUSINESS.  But even with having the business I still managed to do a little something for others.  I started 'free Saturdays' where the disadvantaged kids could come in an use the computers and play games that we would normally would charge them for.  Even though those kids were pains in my ass many times, they were happy to be there, and it was cool to see them doing something other than hanging in the street.  My customers also loved to see that I was doing that too.  It was cool.

So since the disaster in Haiti I had ask myself, "What happened chick?  Where did your heart go?" I have to be honest and say that I had no idea how things really were in Haiti.  None.  One of my ex-boyfriends is Haitian-American but he never really talked about the country.  But I also noticed something other than the destruction as I watched the news reports - there were lots of people there already in Haiti on humanitarian efforts, but few of them seemed to be Black.  I wonder did anyone else notice that?  Hmmmm. 

White people were in Haiti from all over, churches and colleges and such, but where were we?  It made me think about how we really don't look out for each other as a people.  For real.  The Haitian orphans that are being adopted arrived at the airports and guess who were greeting them -- white people.  It was kinda mind tripping.  Years ago I had considered going into the Peace Corps but I chose to do Americorps and stay local.  I have thought about it again recently though.  I'm telling you, if I don't get my old business open or my new business off the ground in the next couple of years...I'm just might get rid of everything and do some type of humanitarian work full time.  I go to work everyday, and when I ride on that slave ship I feel that a part of my mind whittles away.  A voluntary slave - a slave to bills, rent, car note, credit cards.  I sit on the bus and try hard to read to stimulate my mind and I can't.  I try to plan my day and I can't even focus for five minutes.  So if I ever do the humanitarian I will really be a broke ass woman for real (LOL), but my legacy CANNOT be just working for someone else all my life.  Even if I just do foster care it'll be something.  I know it may sound sappy and looney but on Day 107, this is how I'm feeling.

Moving on...

So my bankruptcy case is filed, and I have to go to court next week to meet the attorney for the 'other side.'  This attorney represents the creditors, and I got a letter from them today and I had to take deep breaths before I could even open it!  My hands were trembling.  When I go to court, I know my heart is gonna be pounding so hard that I won't be able to speak.  If I say the wrong thing or talk too much the attorney said that I could screw myself.  This whole thing is so nerve wrecking! Ugh!  I slipped up and showed a co-worker something and it mentioned that I had filed bankruptcy.  Shyt!  Dumb ass me.  So now he knows, and he says he won't say anything but I don't know if that's true.  If he does, he does.  It's my own stupid fault though so there's nothing to say on that.

And last but not least, my thoughts on being a beotch. 

I tell you...people have pushed me to the f'n limit!

I said in another post that the landlord called and told me that I had to move because the relative downstairs wanted to buy the house and take my apartment for her son.  From the start, I knew that sounded kinda fishy, so I started digging and checking into some things.  Found out that they could not ask me to leave to give my apartment to someone else; only if the new buyer plans to move into MY apartment.  Also, in my state you can't terminate a tenancy over random bullshyt - month to month  lease or not.  So the landlord obviously didn't know this, and it's not my job to educate them...yet.  So I was scheming as to what to do, and because I didn't have thousands to be looking for a place, I cancelled the payment on my rent check.  Told their asses to use my security deposit to pay the December rent.  But now it's January, and guess what, I didn't pay that shyt either.  This is soooo not like me to do this, but these people tried to shyt on me and I want to make them sweat a lil bit.  The landlord even came by knocking on the door - and I didn't open it.  Just kept playing my music that drowned out his dumb ass threats.  I even tried to meet with him and he told him he felt like he was talking to an idiot!  Yep.  And I told him that he had a lot of nerve asking me for rent money and trying to say that I was an idiot at the same time.  GTFOH!!  I got up and left.  But of course not without recording the convo.  Yep, I'm a sneaky beotch.  I had the recorder in the scarf tied around my neck.

So I presume that they have filed the eviction papers.  But based on what they have demonstrated to me as their knowledge about tenant and landlord law...I'm about to take their asses for a ride.  I've been studying this tenancy stuff like I have been studying for a test.  And you know what they say...you can't stop a sista kicking that knowledge okay?  And the landlord always has some smirk on his damn face like I'm the dumb ass...


That's the worst feeling you know, to talk to someone and they look at you like you are beneath them,

or for someone to act like everything you say is stupid,
or they roll their eyes or huff and puff,
or everything you say you get cut you off mid-sentence, "Oh can we change the subject? 
"I don't wanna talk about that" or "Calm down". 
(Uh, you don't unilaterally decide the way this conversation is going to go bro.)

I mean how old do I have to get, how many degrees do I have to earn, how many businesses do I have to open to stop being 'stupid' automaticallly in this world?

So time will tell.  I could win or lose this game, but I'm tired of people underestimating me.  Tired of it!!! So I'll roll the dice and take my chances on the outcome, because I don't think I could live with myself if I succumb AGAIN to someone else's bullshyt without a fight.