Day 114: Match.com and Being a Cougar

I must confess.  I think I like younger guys a lil too much.  And I don't know if that's good for my plan to "Meet A Man With Money in His Hand". 

I was at the gym about a month ago and this personal trainer comes up to me and starts chatting.  He actually didn't say much and was about to walk away, but I kept him talking to me by asking questions about the machines.  Of course I knew that his goal was to try to get me to sign up for training sessions, but I went ahead and talked to him about my workouts anyway.  I knew damn well that I didn't want to sign up for any training sessions, because long ago I had resolved not to pay for a trainer until I got over my addiction to nachos and salsa (and that ain't happening anytime soon).  So I was already poised to say no to training with him.

But then...

I detected a little Carribean accent.  "Bahamas." He tells me.

Then I saw the outline of his chiseled chest and shoulders from underneath his black personal trainer T-shirt.  Sexy. Sexy. Sexy.  We kept talking and yeah, things were starting to get real interesting to me.  The cougar was now out of her cage and she was HUNGRY.

He says to me, "Come here, let me show you something." 

I wanted to scream, "Ooh, what baby?  What you wanna show me?  WHAT!!!?" 

He took me to the treadmill.  Boo.  Oh well.  LOL.

He had me do a little run/sprint thing for a few minutes.  He was saying things like, "Good.  That's what I'm talking about."  "Looking good.  Looking good."  Each time he spoke my mind was turning to mush.  By the end of it, I was panting and trying not to look at him because I swear he was looking more and more tasty with every breath I took.  But I gave in.  I was like, "Yum!  Sign me up."  And I did!!! OMG.  I'm broke as hell but signed up for these training sessions with this man.  I was truly buggin, but I figured what the hell.  I wasn't paying my rent this month anyway and I got some extra cash so why not???!!!  Hee hee.  Let my dumb ass landlord finance my cougarisms this month.  Mothafucca. :-)

But this money was of course an investment, because I was on a mission.  In four training sessions or less I needed get this brutha.  With a little lip gloss and a few snug tank tops I got him in two sessions.  Twenty-eight years old and choco Caribbean fine and all over me!  Ooh I'm getting worked up just typing about it! Whew (throwing my head back)!  Can't get much betta than that right?  He is kinda reserved so I had to work at it, but I like 'em when they are a little shy/nerdy.   That's fire!!

So mission accomplished.  The other two were bonus sessions as far as I was concerned.  In fact I saw him today when I went to the gym at lunch time.  Man, I wish we could have gone in the Massage Room there for some afternoon delight but oh well.  We have kicked it a few times and I'm sure we will kick it again.  This is my fourth or fifth young buck.  I think I'm gonna call this one 'Hot Chocolate" though.  I hope to be getting more 'cups' in the near future. 

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Oh and let me check in about Match.com

Ok this dude named Isaiah winks at me and I wink back.  He looked kinda aiight in his pic and said he was a 41 year old engineer.  Ok cool.  He sends me a message talking about whatever and asks if he could call me.  I send him a message or two back, and he always only answered with a one line response.  Then I read his profile and he says in bold letters,

"IF YOU LIKE EMAILING FOR A LONG TIME THEN I'M NOT THE ONE FOR YOU." 

Um, see that was a sign to stay clear.  He was making it so that you didn't want to send him a message with these little one line responses.  So I decided to call his bluff on this 'I like to hear your voice" thing and I sent him my phone number.  I figured that he was probably bullshitting and wasn't really gonna call you if he got your number.  But he called my bluff, and he called.  Well first he sent me a text message asking was it too late to call because it was almost 10pm that particular night.  I sent him a message back and said that it was cool, and then he called.  We chatted, but he was trying to talk all low and cool and I could barely hear his ass.  Then I felt that he wasn't trying to carry the conversation at all.  So after about 15 minutes he abruptly says,

"Oh I just wanted to acknowledge your message.  I know it's late but can I call you this weekend?" 

I said ok and hung up.  I sat there for a few seconds and was like "What the f*ck was that?"  How are you gonna text me and ask me if it was ok to call, then rush me off the phone after 15 minutes telling me you wanted to acknowledge my call?  I mean you could have just called me the next day at an earlier time?  Dumb azz.

So the next day I'm talking to my friend Kim who lives in Chicago.  We started talking about Match, and then I tell her about this strange call from this engineer guy. 

Then she says, "Engineer guy?  What's his name?" 

So I tell her and she says, "Gurl, I think that is the same guy that called me!"

But I was like,  "I'm on the east coast and you're in Chicago.  Why would he be calling you?"

She says, "Gurl, these dudes cast a wide net."

Apparently so.

She then told me about how she talked to this engineer guy who was from the same town in Jersey as she was, and then after about 15 minutes he abruptly ended the phone call and told her he would call again.  He never did of course. 

So I gave him his username and she looked it up, "Yep, that's him." 

Now ain't that some shyt!!!??  How in the world does me and my friend have the same brutha wink at us and we live 800 miles from each other?  That's crazy right?  So I sent him a little message letting him know that he had winked about both of us.  "Small world isn't it?" was the title of the message.  He called the next day but I didn't pick up.  He was dry and a bore to talk to anyways, so throw his azz back.  Match.com has a little feature when you send someone a wink or message you can say, "No thanks"  if you're not interested.  I think it's kinda mean to do that, but needless to say that is the message I sent that punk muthafucca, "No thanks".  You ain't gonna be rushing ME AND MY GIRL off the phone.  I figure that he probably winks at women all over the country and does that little crazy 15 minute phone call with everyone. 

But Match.com is funny though sometimes.  One Russian guy winked at me and I winked back being daring.  But why did he send this reply back to me?

"What's up baby.  Do you think you like Russian guy?  I think we would make cute baby."

Hilarious.  Then another dude wrote a poem.  Kim thought it was corny but I thought it was cute.  She was like, "He doesn't even know you!  How can he talk about your eyes looking like pools of light?"  I guess she has a point there huh?

Another one tried to get all deep on me:

"Could you possibly be the one who can win the heart of this fierce, passionate, driven, unstoppable, man?"

Sounds scary to me.  I'll pass.

Anyhow, no Match dates on the horizon as of yet.  I just saw another wink from another dude that my friend said winked at her in Chicago.  He lives in Indy.  WTF are you winking at me for all the way from there? 

I don't get it.

SMH.