Thursday, April 7, 2011

Match N' Munchkins

I'm staying true to my word from yesterday and coming back to blog on the little Match date last night.  And the little Match date was the date himself.

Can you say 'Munchkin'?

He was a Shawty for real, and not in a good way.  I was literally TOWERING over him in my heels.  He basically was a Black version of Popeye the Sailor.   

See those short, stumpy legs and arms?  That's what Shawty was working with.  I mean he wasn't horrible, but he was just so compact. 

On a good note he was cool to talk to though, but I had to chuckle to myself when he was talking about how females on Match don't tell the truth about themselves.  I was thinking 'include yourself short stuff. Your profile said you were 5'10".'  Um no boo bear.  How's about 5' 7".  Barely.

Overall not bad looking and he looked great for his age.  If I was crushin' on Munchkins he would be a good candidate for sure.  Smokey Robinson has a song called "Can You Love A Virgin Man", but I made a new version of it since the date last night:

How come people say
Lady Munchkin that's OK
But when the conversation turns around
Munchkin Man they always put him down
People say he's so petite,
And chile don't lemme start talking about his tiny, little feet!

Can you love,
A Munchkin man,
Oh oh,
Can you love,
A Munchkin man.

I don't think I can.  I mean when I hug a man, I wanna snuggle up and put my face on his chest.  Or at least on his shoulders!  With this one, he will be the one snuggling his face in my chest if we hugged.  I guess for him that's good (if I had big boobs), but for me nuh uh.

I'm 5'7" and I like wearing heels, so I guess height does matter to me a little.  I never really had to think about it because most of the dudes I have dealt with were at least an inch or so taller.  I had a boyfriend once that was a tad shorter than me, but that was a million years ago.  It took some getting used to but I worked with it.  Again, another muscular dude.  I'm starting to think that shawtys try to make up for their height by being muscular and built. 

I have no regrets though.  I had a nice time. 

Now for the assessment.  To make this interesting I have decided that I will make a little scorecard after each date from Match.  Hee hee, it's gonna be a fun summer bloggin' on this subject!  Can't wait. 

(rubbing hands together)

So here's the first:

Name:  Munchkin Man aka Shawty aka Popeye

I doubt if there will be a love connection here, even though he was very complimentary and a total gentleman.  But here's a rule to remember when it comes to Match:
Cardinal Rule No. 1 to Dating Men on
However tall the man says he is,
subtract at least two inches.

In other news, dude on this Coochie Contract with me is getting caught up in the rapture.  I'm gonna have to put him on ice.  Fool had the nerve to ask me last night when I was gonna cook for him? 

My reply:  "I only cook for my man or potential man"

His response:  "So are you saying you are never gonna cook for me?"

What the fluck don't you understand here Dumb Donald?  These basic hood nuccas don't know how to read between the lines for shyt!  I think I pretty much answered that question in my first response.  But see, if I had answered that last one then the convo would have been gettin' into why he's not good enough to be my man and alla that.  Just unnecessary drama from someone whose face I barely look into when he's around me.  Instead of my eyes being on the prize, my eyes are on the crotch when it comes to him.  Real talk.

Oh well.  It's springtime.  Time to do some spring cleaning anyway.  Should have never bothered with his azz in the first place.  I'm working on getting him replaced anyway -- but I have to do it gently.  Delicately.  Twist it around so he thinks he let me go.  I gotta plan.  He's knows people that I know, so I gotta get my dirt on him as insurance so he will keep his mouth shut when I'm done with him.  Too much work.  Like I said, I should have never messed with his azz....

Cardinal Rule No.1 for a D*ck Roster Candidate:
Never choose a dude that knows
people you know also.  It will be easier
to dump him without hearing about it later. 

Back lata.


  1. Why do people feel the need to lie on their profiles? Ugh! I tried on-line dating and was really disappointed and I will NOT do it again. But I can't wait to read about your adventures.

  2. I dated a dude once from an online site. His pic was taken from an angle, and I could tell he was tall and lanky and not bad looking. When we met up, he towered over me. (I'm almost 6' and can easily go over in heels, and he was 6'5" so that was very pleasant.) But when we sat down to eat I finally got a good look at his face. His face, to put it gently, looked like a leathery baseball mitt. And his hair was thiiinnnniiiiing sooo bad. Never again.

  3. Bravo - a wise friend once told me to look at these things as adventures and she ain't neva lied :) -jb

  4. "a leathery baseball mitt'????

    Too funny!

    Oooh keep telling your stories to me. I'm lovin' it!

  5. "Compact" had me crackin' up over here. You are so funny!

  6. That is so funny!!! Never been on a match site date, but I have been on a blind date that was set up by an acquaintance. I talked with the guy on the phone for a week or so before our data. He described himself as "a bigger guy" and my friend told me that he was "heavy" but I was not prepared for "elephant sized". Boy did he embellish! I sat on one side of the booth with him on the other and I felt as if he were cutting me in two! I barely ate anything!!!Needless to say we did not go out again. I could not handle that!

    BTW...I love the score card idea!!!

  7. Did he think you wouldn't have been able to tell his difference in height? I hate a liar

  8. Hmmm... never knew that height can be seen as an asset by women (I'm rather taller than 6ft)... I assumed not being short was good enough.

    You got me laughing with the scorecard though. But does teeth/grill get higher or lower points if the dude's got grills? (btw, as a guy I can't stand them)

    Have no idea why people lie that much if it's gonna come out anyways. A slight modification of the facts perhaps but I've always figured it'll save future drama to just come out with the truth *shrug*

  9. You do realize you are over 40 and financially strapped (broke). Your dating options are going to be limited. Most men of means are checking for women in their early twenties.

  10. UGGH...I can't stand a lyin' ass liar and that was just a small thing (get it... LOL).

    Imagine what else he'd lie about.

  11. Interesting comments above y'all! It's just entertainment this bloggin' thang.

    Well as for the guy 'fudging' his height, I was talking to my friend who is a nurse and she said that we all lose a little bone density and can get shorter as we get older. Men and their height is big, like women are with their weight/butt/boobs.

    So so said (LOL) that maybe once upon a time he was close to 5'10" but he shrunk. I dunno. We were just giggling about it over the phone.

    Actually I saw him again and I wore flat shoes to see what was up. Yeah he is maybe about 5'8' or so. But he is pretty good looking. Great body. Nice convo. Self-employed. We had fun on the second date...cuz see I am open minded about stuff for the most part. I might hang with him again? Time will tell.

  12. This post had me cracking up! I just reactivated my match account a couple of weeks ago. I was just bored I guess. I think I may use your scorecard and just have fun with it. Live, Laugh, Love!!

  13. ^ Yay Anonymous!!

    Yeah just have some fun with it. I know I plan to. I like that, laugh, love. I totally agree. I mean the guy embellished his height but it ain't like he cheated on me. LOL.

    Movin' on to tha next. I'm thinking Italian...???


  14. CF8

    Oh I didn't mEan THAT kind of a grill. Lol. I guess I use grill to include your entire mouth situation...gums, teeth, color, etc. All of that is considered a grill to me. As for the real 'grills'...nah. Not my flavor. :)