Was It Destiny?

I was kinda geeked to see Hot Chocolate after almost 18 months.  It was a last minute thing so I showed up in my work dress, but thank goodness that I got my new sexy shoes delivered earlier in the day.  They gave me an extra four and half inches of emergency sexy just in the nick of time.

I enter the spot.  It was mad hot outside so I was happy to get out of the heat.  Hot Chocolate is not there yet so I make my way to the bar to cop a couple of seats for us.  But guess who I see sitting there?

TIN MAN --- a.k.a. Ike Turner, a.k.a "The Artist Formerly Known as Pretty Brown."

I jumped like I saw a mouse.  I retreated and sat at the bar tables where his back would now be to me.  I gasped for air.  My heart was beating so fast.  I quickly tried to decide whether to leave or not.  I pull out the phone to text Hot Chocolate to meet me somewhere else.  But I wasn't sitting there one minute before the cocktail waitress trotted up to me with menus and asked me for my drink order.  Damn!  This was a fine time for this gal to do her job right!  Any other time I would have been sitting there waiting on someone to serve me - but nooooo, not today.  I wanted to go, but instead I mindlessly asked for a rum and coke.  Huh?  It was like it just came out of mouth without my approval or something.  Ugh.  So now I'm committed, I ordered a drink.  I'm texting Hot Chocolate asking where he is.  Maybe he was far enough away for me to gulp down the drink and bounce.

"I'm right down the street."

Oh lawd.  Ok.  Ok.  So what do I do?  What do I do?  I'm talking to myself.  I'm looking at Tin Man's back and saying, "He was mean to me.  He was mean to me."  I wanna be mad.  I wanna just ignore him.  But I know I can't do that.

I quickly sent a text to Kim asking her if I should speak to him or not.  As I'm waiting, I'm squirming in my seat because I gotta use the bathroom.  But I was frozen in my place because I have to pass him in order to get to it.  SHYT!  Come on Kim, call me back!  Please!

Hot Chocolate texts and says he can't find the place.  Good.  That gave me a couple of minutes to think.  Kim calls two minutes later.  Good azz friend.  She says "Go ahead and speak.  Just be cool."  She tries to ask me other things but I was just too overwhelmed to talk.  I had to get off that phone.

"Ok.  I'll speak", I told her before hanging up.

Hot Chocolate finally makes it.  Dayum he looked soooo good, but I couldn't even take it all in because Tin Man was in my midst and I thought he would turn around if he heard my voice.  I kept my voice low.  We chit chatted for a minute, and just as I was about to say let's go to another spot, here comes that damn cocktail waitress doing her job again!  He orders a drink.  Sigh.  I guess I'm staying now.  I can't wait another minute though.  I gotta go the bathroom.  Time to pass The Tin Man.  

Here. We. Go.

I walk over to Tin Man and tap him once on his back.  He turns and doesn't seem to recognize me at first (blame it on the new wig with the purple highlights :)).  Then in a few seconds he does.  We look at each other without saying a word.  Then he smiles - in disbelief if you ask me.

"Fancy seeing you here sir."  I kept my shades on because my eyes would tell him too much.

With a big smile he says, "I just got off work."

I extend my hand to shake his, but he stands up, kisses me on the cheek and gives me a hug.  Then I make small talk.  Very small talk.  Where did you come from?  How do you feel?  Then abruptly and without any expression I say, "I gotta go to the bathroom."

I walked away.  Did he watch me?  I wonder.

I enter the bathroom and put my face in my hands.  I can't believe this.  There are ten thousand bars in this city, and I end up going to one where the guy who shyt on my heart is having a damn Red Stripe.  I stand there for a few minutes buggin' out.

Then someone calls my

name  from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Yeah?"

"It's (Tin Man).  Can I talk to you?"

I open the door to come out looking confused, but he blocks my way.  He pushes me back inside the tiny bathroom and locks the door.

"What are you doing?"

With a strained face he says, "I'm sorry.  I'm sooooo sorry.  I miss you soooo much. 

I was wrong for being that way to you."

"What way?"

"Just everything.  I like you and I don't know what's wrong with me.  I don't like that I can't talk to you."

I couldn't speak.  I was in shock.  The emotion was building inside of me and I just want to cry behind my shades.  But I couldn't.  I wouldn't.

I just look down at the floor.  Speechless.  I felt my jaw tighten and I moved towards the door.

He reaches to take off my sunglasses.

"You look great."

I look and smile.  "Thank you.  Um, come on let's go now.  We gotta get out of this bathroom."

I look into his face waiting for him to open the door.  I look at his mouth.  His lips.  My heart is beating fast again.

He kisses me.  Hard.  I kiss him back.  He embraces me and the kisses become softer and more passionate.  I'm melting.  My head is swimming.  It's like I'm high or drunk.  This is not making any sense.  I forget where we are.  Things are moving too fast.  Too fast.  I feel my dress rising up my thigh, but I don't stop him.   He turns me around to the wall and then...I feel it.  I feel him.  I want to moan, but I hold it in.  I remember now.  We are in a NYC bathroom.  I gotta be quiet.  I gotta be quiet!

He feels so good.  So good.

Knock. Knock. Knock. 

"Uh, someone is in here.  You can use the guy's bathroom though." 

I quickly turn the water on but we don't stop.  When I hear the other bathroom door open and close, I turn to him and my eyes tell him to stop.  He does.  Tin Man smiles at me, pulls up his pants, and kisses my cheek. 

"Can I see you later?"

"Um, ok."

He touches my face and hugs me tightly.  "I miss you."

He walks out.  I check myself in the mirror, put my sunglasses back on, and walk back to
Hot Chocolate like nothing happened.

"Damn, where you been?"

"Sorry suga.  My mother called me and I was talking to her.  Want another drink?"

I smile, and take a sip of my drink --- all the while hiding the real truth behind my sexy sunglasses. 

What an imagination I have!!!

OK AND NOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED...

(rewind)

I enter the bathroom and put my face in my hands. I can't believe this. There are ten thousand bars in this city, and I end up going to one where the guy who shyt on my heart is having a damn Red Stripe. I stand there for a few minutes buggin' out.



I check myself in the mirror, suck in my gut, and head back to the bar area upstairs.  I walk back to the Tin Man.  I don't even remember what I said.  I just looked at him with my shades on.  He was smiling. 

"Well I don't want to be rude to my friend. I just wanted to say hi."

"Oh I know you'll have a good time." 

(Huh?  I don't know why he said that.)

I start to walk away.

"You look great."

I perk up and with a big smile I said, "Thank you!  You do too."  I squeeze his arm and then walk away.  A big nothing of a conversation.  I practically ran from him.

After a half hour (?) or so, Tin Man gets up from his seat ready to go.  I still have my shades on so I can look at both him and Hot Chocolate without being noticed.  He turns towards me, smiles, and waves goodbye.

Hot Chocolate is busy talking, but I return the smile and the wave and quickly looked away.  I don't think Hot Chocolate even blinked.  He just kept right on talking.

And he was gone.

Hot Chocolate and I stayed awhile.  He is so, so fine.  Just turned 30 last month too.  If only I were Asian...haha.  Not.  Hot Chocolate liked what he saw so I'm cool with that.  He even sent me a text later saying so.  Yay!  I was proud of myself because I kept the cougar in the cage for the evening.  But what's big for me is that I spoke to the man who I thought I could love and who broke my heart.  Although I'm still licking my wounds, and it took a lot for me to walk over to him to speak, I'm still a bit sad.  I wonder could he sense my sadness?  He hurt me so bad.  He said some mean things that I can't even repeat on this blog.  I had a crazy thought that it might be destiny that I happened upon him in a city of millions.  I tried to romanticize this chance meeting and wanted so badly to read more into the meaningless small talk that occurred between us.

But it's dead.  Dead.  Dead. Dead.

That man ain't thinking about me.  And the f*cked up thing is that he says he was sooo busy all the time but yet I find him sitting in a bar doing nothing.  Yeah ok.

I didn't know how he would respond to me when I spoke, but I was brave and did it anyway.  I'm glad I kept it brief.  I think I did that because I was scared.  I can't deal with another mean look or comment from this man, so I scurried off like a spider before he could step on my heart.

All the next day I thought about it.  All day.  Like a looney person. 

Then I "did" something the next night.  I didn't really want to but I just went ahead and "did it" to see if I could get my mind off it.  Dude wanted to be all romantic and kiss but I said no.  I told him that I didn't feel like kissing.  Truth be told, maybe I would have kissed him if his breath wasn't stinking.  LOL.  If I told him to freshen up his mouth, and he ran to do it, then I would have to kiss him then, so I just didn't bother saying anything about his tart breath.  Afterwards I laid there with his arms around me and wished I could just ask him to leave, but I decided not to be mean (plus the train stopped running so he couln't get back anyway.)  Instead I looked at the moonlight peeking through my window blinds, and silently wished that his arms were someone else's arms.  This man was talking about being on the beach with me and gazing into my eyes and all kinds of romantic shyt, and I just wasn't there.  I was thinking about somebody else.  Isn't that terrible?

I wish I never saw him the other day, because I'm making some bullshyt encounter into something bigger than it was.  Just like I always do.  And I hate it.

I could be like celebrating that he saw me with another fella, but I don't feel like that.

(pounds fist on desk)

I wish I never saw him. 
The whole thing is just NUTTY.