Sunday, March 4, 2012

Interview with a Dog: Part IV - Two Down, One to Go

Shallow Hal:  "Yeah, I know.  I gotta tell this girl."

Uh, that's where I left off right? 

I know I'm dragging with posting but my last post shows that I had some big stuff on my mind.  I have been having some crazy bad thoughts and mind tripping over a lot of things.   I promised myself that this weekend I would post this even though I wrote it last week.  But I think I am about to do some real Spartan shyt.  Ain't about getting no man either.  It's about something else.  So I gotta get this caught up so I can write about my plan.  I'll be back tomorrow.

I promise I will.  Because this is big and time is of the essence.  It could blow up in my face.  It could do nothing at all.  I dunno, but I only get one life and I'm feeling strongly about it.

So back to our regular program.

Shallow Hal:  "Yeah, I know.  I gotta tell this girl."

Over the next few days he talked to me about who he should tell first, but on the real he really didn't know.  It was just all f*cked up because he waited so long.  From where I sat, I didn't see what difference it made anyway.  I mean it would make more sense to tell the woman that he was living with first.  I told him that ideally, he should have told Miss Caribbean BEFORE she got here to the States anyways.  That way she could have decided if she wanted to still come or not.  I also said that he should have told Miss New York when she first announced her pregnancy so she could have decided if she wanted to keep the baby or not.  GIVE THEM CHOICES SHALLOW HAL!!!!  CHOICES!!!  

But he robbed them. 

He was just going along, talking about baby names and what not all the while making like everything is cool when shyt wasn’t cool.  He was having all this baby planning talk KNOWING full well he was in a damn pickle.  But noooooo...he just waits and lets months and months go by, and got babies baking in ovens all over the damn globe.  Not saying shyt.  Letting these women believe all the sugary shyt he spews out of his mouth.  He controlled everything and robbed them of their right to make an informed decision about their futures.  Now they have no choice but to deal with it.  For a long azz time.  And  even though I was sitting on the side, it was affecting me too.  It was just fckd up.  
Then it dawned on me.  I began to learn what Shallow Hal’s style was when it came down to coming clean about something.  When he wants to let you know something, he likes to drop hints.  Like I outlined in my other post, the way I got the scoop about the situation was by putting together the pieces of the puzzles I had collected over time.  Miss New York and Miss Caribbean would eventually have to do the same thing. 

Here’s an example.  One day he called and told me that he told Miss Caribbean (well in his mind he did anyway.)

Shallow Hal:

"We are at home just sitting around playing and talking and what not.  Miss Caribbean and the kid and I are having a good time.  She makes me laugh.  Then I say to my little man, "Hey little man, how would you like to have a little sister or brother?"  Then Miss C says to me surprised, "Oh, you want more than two?"  Then I say, "I already have more than two."  Miss C pauses.  "You already have two?", and I tell her yes.  She stands quiet staring at me.  Then after a few minutes she looks at little man and thinks.  She then asks me if my other kid is older or younger than our toddler.  I just say, "I have another kid."  Miss C just stands and stares at me some more.  Then she asks, "Well what do you plan to do with this woman?"  As I start to answer she stops me.  "Never mind about the other woman, what do you plan to do with me?"  I said, "Who's here with me now?"  And she looks at me, and then goes in the kitchen to finish making dinner.  She says nothing else about it.”

Me:  She didn’t say anything else?  At all?

SH:  “ I dunno, she keeps a lot of stuff to herself I noticed.  She seems like a very private person.  You know, I really don’t even know this girl.  When we went to bed she was tossing and turning the whole night."

Me:  "And that's it?  That's what you call telling her?"

SH:  "Yeah.  And she was just looking at me.  Just looking."

You betta be glad that this voodoo worshipping chick didn't stab you in the back that night Mister Man.  And that was it.  That was how he revealed (or hinted at) that he had another kid. But the key thing with his cryptic response is that he made it sound as if the other kid was already here. 

“I have another kid.” 

A classic play on words which I had come to find out would be the Shallow Hal Way.  He plays professional poker and I think he uses strategies like bluffing and half-truths in his personal life.  At least that’s the way it seems to me.  But then again, it could be the other way around.  He was ALREADY good at bluffing and lying and consequently used those skills to become good at playing poker.  Yeah. That’s probably it.  I doubt you can learn to be a dog from playing cards.

And the funny thing is that when he told me about talking to Miss Caribbean, he was actually sounding RELIEVED!  I mean really? 

Me:  “You call that ‘telling’ her?”
SH: “What do you mean?  What’s wrong with what I said?”

Lawd have mercy.  What a blockhead.  I see now that he's just a six foot tall chicken and he brain washes himself with this logic he has about stuff.  He didn't hardly say shyt about the kid at all.  That’s just the way he is.  He never comes out and tells you anything.  He says just enough --- just enough ---to plant the seed, let you water and fertilize it on your own.  I mean once you figure stuff out he actually might start spilling the beans, but with him you never know. 

So back to the babies.  Miss New York ain't gettin' no better and he tells me that it annoys him to be around her.  He told me she looked bad and she was moping around looking miserable.  He hated being around her.  She is throwing up all the time and telling him that it is his fault that she is sick.  But things are getting more serious by the day, and even though she is only about 7.5 months pregnant, it looks like she might have to deliver early because her pressure is getting dangerously high.  The diagnosis:  preeclampsia.  When she goes to the hospital, she is in constant communication with SH, but strangely, he won't go to see her after the first time she goes there.  Being the martyr that she is, Miss New York is telling him to not come because she knows he is at work. I mean this chick is amazing!  Her blood pressure is 999 over 10 and she is still considering him in that moment.  I said to him that he still should go and see her anyway regardless of what she said.  But he wouldn't go.  No matter what I said.  

Me:  “The girl is sick.  This is her first child and she is probably nervous.  I don’t care if her sister is by her side or not, you need to go see her.”

SH:    "I'll go when I have to go."   

That’s all he would say.  Over and over.  And his azz did not go either.  He just got the updates on what was going on when she called him.  He might have gone over to the hospital the first time she went, but that was it????

Maybe it was because her family was coming there to be with her, and he didn't want to be around them.  Either feelin’ guilty or uncomfortable probably.  He said Miss New York had been criticized by her peeps for getting knocked up without being married or whatever, and they were doggin him out and sayin' he should marry her.  That it was a disgrace that she was having a child out of wedlock.  I think she felt ashamed. 

I dunno.  They can’t put it ALL on him though.  I’m sure she had her legs open voluntarily for him.  He told that in the past that New York would tell him during sex, “If you get me pregnant you’re gonna have to marry me.”  And his reply would always be the same, that he wasn’t the marrying type.  So at least in that regard in didn’t mislead her?  But when Miss New York told him that one of her uncles wanted to have a “talk with him” about his "intentions" about her and their baby, he was fire red mad! 

"Ain't nobody talking to me about shyt!  This is not our country!  That marriage shyt is not required if a woman gets pregnant!  I ain't gettin' married. 

Whatever mane.  Maybe he didn't want to risk running into that uncle at the hospital.  Maybe he was ashamed too? 

(to self)

Ashamed?  Shallow Hal?  Yeah right. 

Then there was his job.  He told his job that he was expecting a kid in December, but not with two women.  Mr. Vice President didn't want that to get around at work that he had two chicks due at the same time.  He couldn't drop the excuse of saying his baby momma was in the hospital because he would have to run that game twice.  They would be like, "Damn, didn't you just have a baby?"  It would raise too many eyebrows.  So he had to pick the girl who he was gonna bounce out of work for, and it was quite obvious that it wasn’t gonna be Miss New York.   Po' thang.  Even still, he should have taken his azz there though.  So any info and updates that SH got about the status of New York and her baby, was all gotten while he sat at his desk at work.  Until the hospital told her to stay off the phone eventually because her blood pressure was just too high.  Then there was silence.  He’s emailing me sounding all annoyed, "I don't know what's going on!"  Um, then why don't you take your azz over there muthafucca?  Instead he just goes home after work and waits to hear from Miss New York.  Like her being in the hospital with blood pressure high as hell and preggo at the same time was just normal shyt. 

Then boom.  That night New York has an emergency C-section and delivers a little girl.  When SH gets the call, it just so happened that it was on a Friday night so no missed work for him.  No explaining to the job why he has to take off or leave early.  Lucky bastard.  He jumps out of bed and tells Miss C, "I gotta go to New York to see my kid."  And he was gone.  He calls me on the phone on the way to the hospital and he sounds pretty happy.  I congratulated him.  He tells me that Miss C texted him and said “Good night.” 

I just thought to myself, "Wow."  I don't know who is sweeter (or more confused) - Miss C with her "Good night"  text when he bolted from the house, or Miss New York telling her boo to keep working and not come to the hospital to see her.  I wasn't saying that type of shyt though.  The only texts I would have been sending would have been, "You betta bring you azz back TO-NIGHT!"  Or "You can stay wherever you going.  Don't even think about coming back here punk."  I guess that's why he is sticking to chicks from his country because he knows how to choose the right prey.  In fact, after the last American woman he dealt with smashed up his car he said he had come to 'appreciate' the women from his country a lot more.  Hmmmm...I wonder why muthafucca?  Cuz you can run over they azzes easier?

And to prove my point ---- he stays in New York for the next two days.  When he returns Miss C is upset because she is 7.5 months pregnant herself and he didn't call once to check on her.  Not once. 

He texts me...

"Miss C is getting more and more frigid.  She texted me saying that she didn't want to know what I was doing because she didn't want to upset herself.  And then she turned the phone off."

And you're surprised?  I told him that he better be glad that frigid is all she is right now.  You just get up, pack a bag, and bounce saying that you need to check on the other kid.  Then you don't call or respond to her texts, and she is supposed to be warm and sunny when you bring your azz back?  Then you stroll in and ain't saying a word about where you been?  What do you expect her to be like?  Sheesh.  Sometimes I think he just delusional.

That first week after his baby girl was hectic of course.  The baby ain’t home because she is preemie who weighed only 4.5 pounds at birth and was a month and a half early.  Shallow Hal is making the visits to the hospital to see his new daughter.  Her being born early actually worked in their favor because they hadn’t bought shyt for the baby anyway.  In seven months they ain’t bought a bottle, diaper, bed….nothing.  I asked why she didn’t have a baby shower seeing that she wasn’t working and was sick.  Hal said she refused.  The chick didn’t want a baby shower because she was too embarrassed and/or too prideful to get ‘handouts’ or whatever for her baby.  Ooookkkkkaaayyyy?  People and their pride turn up at the strangest times.  That leaves it all up to him to get EVERYTHING cuz she didn’t have a friggin’ dime.   So after the hospital visits when the weekend came he stayed over to put together furniture, buy clothes, milk, diapers, etc.  He said Miss New York looked bad.  Really bad.

SH:  “Yo, you know how much money I’m spending?  And New York has the nerve to be picking out shyt like she a fuggin’ queen.  I told her that she looked like shyt too.  She was looking bad and walking all crazy slow when she gets out of the car.  I had to check her.”

I chuckled to myself as he bitched on the phone.  I told him that he better be careful how he talks to her because she was the one he feared would take him to court for child support.  How you gonna holler at the woman and tell her she looked like shyt, but yet you scared she gonna take you for child support?  Dumb.  I guess because he was dishing out all the cash and financing everything Miss New York just swallowed the insults. 

Back on the home front with Miss C, things are getting more tense every time he comes back from his overnights in New York.

Me:  “And you say that as if you’re surprised.”  I had to laugh.

SH does not respond.  Honestly I don't think he was suprised, it's just that NOW he couldn't walk away from it.  I don't think he liked that.  

THEN THE MOMENT OF TRUTH FINALLY CAME FOR MISS C.  One night when he returned home, he took Miss C to the grocery store right after he hit the door.  As they are driving she notices his wrist.  There is a bracelet on it from the hospital.  Clearly it is from the baby ward.

Miss C: "Where you in a hospital somewhere?"
SH looks down and quickly rips the bracelet off his arm.


He usually takes it off but forgot this time.  He couldn't lie now. The evidence as to where he has been is right there on his arm.  He says nothing else. 

Strangely, Miss C doesn't say anything else either.  She doesn’t ask anything else.  She just sat quietly in the car and stared at him all the way to the store. 

And this is how Miss C put two and two together.  Shallow Hal had hinted in earlier days that he had another kid, but never answered how old the kid was.  When she saw the hospital bracelet, she finally deduced that the kid was just born.  That meant Shallow Hal didn't have to say a damn thing.  The bracelet did all the talking for him. 

I guess that was a lucky break for Shallow Hal...somewhat.  She wakes him up in the middle of the night to talk about the child.  He didn’t tell me exactly what they talked about, but he did tell me that she started crying and locked herself in the downstairs bathroom.  She stayed in there for hours he said….sitting on the toilet.  Crying miserably.  Eight months pregnant with the second child of a man she is just now making realizations about. 

And she stayed in that bathroom.  Crying and crying.  Until the wee hours of the morning.

Over him.

My heart sank when he told me that.  And I felt so awful.  I really, really did.

Aight.  So that's two down:  Me and Miss C. 

Miss New York......You're next.

Now it's your turn to be Sherlock Homegirl.

And as for me, why was I still around?  Like I said I wanted to hear the story so I just played the game to get him to talk.  I was so caught up that I wanted to know what was going on, but the whole shyt was messing with my brain at the same time.  I started to tell Kim about it but eventually she didn't want to hear about it anymore.  I mean she would get like ANGRY when I would tell her the stories and yell at me not to tell her another word.  I was talking to the therapist about it, but I only get like 45 minutes to talk to her twice a month.  I had to release it.  To get it off my mind I started to blog about it.  Is it helping?  I think so.  I got a not so pleasant message from a reader on the private email.  I was questioned about my decision as to why I was dealing with Shallow Hal.  Hey, I think I explained that in the first installment regarding this man.  I did write back to that person however and said that I don't write my personal shyt to have to come back and defend it.  I don't write it to entertain other people which was another point  mentioned in that email.  This shyt ain't hardly entertaining.  What's here is real life.  People do a lot of things that may not make sense to someone else.  But this is reality.  My reality.  It's what is going on with me and I ain't fronting like I'm a saint or an angel because I.AM.NOT.  If you wouldn't do what I do, or don't like the way I roll...hey it's all groovy.  I always say that reading this blog is certainly optional.


And that's all I'm gonna say about that. 


  1. What upsets me the most is that they are seriously just taking it. I would take him to the cleaners. Was those damn pockets out.

    1. That's the culture though. You go to an old school West Indian woman and most of them will say, "You will never find a man who won't cheat. You need to look for one that will respect you in the process." That mentality is so engrained in the culture it's ridiculous. And let me tell you, this situation is not a rare one either. LAWWWD the stories I've heard and seen with Haitian men. SMH

    2. That's an interesting philosophy on accepting the ways of a cheatin man. "He will cheat but as long as he respects you, you're good." Didn't know those two things went together. Who knew?

      I wonder what stories you have heard?? Now you've got me curious.

    3. Basically, as long as the business at home is attended to and he keeps his side activities on the low, they will turn a blind eye. "Because a man will be a man" --> I hate the saying with every bone in my body!!!!

      Personally, I refuse to date Haitian men. I can't deal with that entitled attitude that they have in regards to women. The men fuck so indiscriminately and they have all these children that they do and dont know about.

      It's to the point that I am absolutely CONVINCED that I am related to all Haitians. There's mad family floating around that you don't know about because of the men's side activities. You normally find out about these family members when the man is dying/dead or if he gets saved lol.

      You want to know the stories?? Let just say DRAMA! I wouldn't even know where to begin!!

    4. Well I dated a Haitian dude in college and he was the sweetest, kindest man I ever met. Then I met one a few years ago and something was fishy about him. It's like he had a girl, but then he didn't? I dunno. Just real shady about it. He called me Saturday just to say hello. And I finally asked him, "Do you live with that girl you told me about?"


      Since that was about 2-3 years ago I asked if they had a kid now.


      Ok living together. Kid. The next question was "Are you married to her?"


      Now mind you just two months ago I asked him if he wanted to vacation with me and he was all for it. So on the phone we chatted and he gave me his opinion about relationships. Basically he said that he should be able to see other people even if he is married. He didn't see it as a big deal. The only thing different was that he was okay with the woman exercising that same option.

      Yeah SH is a trip. His cousin's story is almost as nutty. I think he has 10 kids with 8 or 9 different women. It just seems like a normal thing. And they are ALL Haitian women. And not one of them has taken him to child support court. LOL. Now that's amazing!

  2. What country are these people from?? You call her Miss Carribean, but I dont know one carribean that would take that kinda ish....

    On another note this story is cray!! Can't believe it's actually real life, feels like im reading some kinda crazy drama!


    1. For some reason I don't want to mention the country in the posts. I think I have given enough info though where it might be clear what part of the Caribbean they might be from though. I do think there are some cultural things that explain what's going on here, but I'm sure there is some American dude out here that has done something similar. Or an American woman that has dealt with this type of stuff.

      It is crazy. I guess that's why it takes me a while between posts to build up organizing all of this madness into one damn post!

  3. We all negotiate in relationships, justify, or ignore. It's only how far or how much we negotiate/ignore that makes the difference. I can't imagine being in their situations but I sympathize.

  4. Soooooo, I came across this blog, er...yesterday (Wed), but I was here awhile back. Anyway, I started reading the SH SAGA backwards (most recent to earliest) and figured I would comment on this post. Anyway...

    Girl, it sounds like you are definitely going through. I feel like I am/was (as of recent events) in a similar situation (less people involved though, I think). I SWEAR this guy I know is like SH...ESPECIALLY with scavenger hunt/wheel of fortune/scrabble/guess who he likes to play. What is the problem with being straightforward? I swear it IS true about men maturing at a slower rate than females. I would say the females aren't any better, but considering they are a part of a different culture (although they are living in the STATES), it's understandable. But come on, it's time for them to wake up. Yea, he better get it together before he ends up without his life.