Interview with a Dog: Part VII - And Then There Was Me...

It's 8:30am in the morning and I'm walking to the subway.  It's Christmas time but you can't tell because there isn't a lick of snow on the ground and it's not very cold.   People are bustling about, dashing in front of me and walking on my heels.  Even though I totally hate that there's no point of complaining about it.  No one 'strolls' on a NYC street at 8:30am anyway.  You betta be walking fast cuz people got places to be and you will get bumped, stepped on, or passed and the culprit will be gone before you can even look around.

So I'm focused.  It's early but I can still try to get my strut on and do my Miss America runway thang for the block I have to walk.  I was workin' my shoes and emitting so much 'tude that it was blinding folks.  (Just kidding.  I ain't big headed like that.)  But my swagger doesn't last for long.  My phone starts buzzing in my purse and I fumble thru the shyt in my bag to find it.  It's Shallow Hal.  I literally stopped in my tracks when he said....

"New York found out that I just had another baby."

Me:  "Word?  How did she find out?"

SH:  "Facebook.  Somebody put some pics or something up on Facebook."

I wanted to say, "I TOLD YOU!" But I didn't.  I just let it be because I could hear the stress in his voice.

Me: "So what did she do?  What did she say?"

SH: "She sent all of these crazy texts.  'How could you do this to me?'  'You lied to me.'  'You fuckin' liar.  You got her pregnant when you went to our country.  I was pregnant too.'  "Now I know why I couldn't live with you when I asked you.' Just a bunch of stuff."

I think she said something way more powerful than this but he wouldn't elaborate.  I noticed that he doesn't repeat much if he gets called out.  I think that's because he just erases it from his mind.

Me: "So what are you gonna do now?"

SH: "I'm just gonna tell her that I didn't lie.  The baby was in the hospital.  She knew I had other kids."

Me: " Are you serious?"

SH:  "Yeah, I'll get out of it.  I will tell her that I didn't want to upset her because she was sick with our kid.  Her blood pressure was high and I didn't want to make her more sick."

Me:  "I don't like that.  Just tell her you didn't know HOW to tell her.  Time just kept passing and you just didn't know how to tell her."

SH:  "Nah, I ain't worried about it too much.  I'll just call her and tell her that I didn't lie."

Of course I didn't think it would work.  Who would accept that as a reason?  Not sure if I would???  Forty minutes or so go by and then he calls me back.

SH:  "I called her."

Me:  "Ok that was short.  What happened?"

SH:  "She asked me why did I lie about the kid being in the hospital.  She asked about the woman and was I married to her.  She asked if I was planning to marry her."

Me: "Ok."

SH:  "But you know what she asked me that was funny?  She asked me how was I stayin with her on the weekends when the woman was by herself pregnant at my house."

Me:  "And?"

SH:  "I told her that I would tell Miss C that I was coming to see my kid.  She can't stop me from doing that. "

Then what he tells next I never in a million years would have expected to hear.

SH:  "You know I give her about $1000 a month right now since the baby was born.  She asked me how could I afford to pay her that and then I have two kids and this other woman living with me in New Jersey.  I told her that it wasn't easy. And you know what she said....

"She said that when she gets a job, I can give her less money because she knows it is probably hard on me."

I just held the phone in silence.  I was in fckin disbelief.

SH:  "Hello???"

Me:  "Um...wow!  That's pretty amazing."

I could tell Shallow Hal was smiling over the phone and I could hear the relief in his voice.

SH: "Yeah NY is just like that.  Of the two women she has the better heart."

We wrap up the call, but I had to stand there and process it.  He actually got out of that shyt????  She actually offered to accept LESS MONEY for her and her kid?  She had been dating him for three years, he gets another woman pregnant TWICE, they were both due in the same month, and she tells him that she will take LESS MONEY???

Un.fuggin.believable. I had to say it myself, that girl is really something else.  Or she must be really in love.  When I told the therapist about it, she sat there just as surprised as I was.  With wide open eyes she said, “Wow, he really knows how to pick ‘em.”  I agreed.

Even with her angelic offering to Hal, New York still sends him texts saying random stuff daily.  Shallow Hal tells her that she is trying to make him feel guilty, and honestly I think it works most times.  He says he ignores those texts when she sends them, but obviously the girl is still hurt and confused.  Forgiving him one minute; then cursing him the next.

 

I swear Shallow Hal must be bullet proof.  Not that I was waiting for shyt to blow up in his face, but he literally talks (or not talks) his way out of his messes.  He leaves a trail of destruction and then just comes out on the other side of it without a mark on him.  He always says, “I deal with it when the time comes. Not gonna worry about it now.”  And that apparently seems to be working.  If he gets found out, he will weather the storm and wait until it passes.  It’s just that simple.  He truly is a textbook definition of a player.

_________________________________________________________________

Now that the babies are here I still correspond with Shallow Hal, but I'm seeing him less and less.  Just like I expected.  I start to kick up my online shopping for fellas (not that I ever stopped) and Shallow Hal would always ask me about it.  Oh did I mention that he was still on the dating site too?  Looking at who sent him messages and what not even though he has all of these women in his life.  I mean he stays wanting new p*ssy.  Shallow Hal told me that he was cool f*ckin' who he wants to f*ck, but he is not cool with his chick seeing someone else.  He would have a BIG problem with that.  He would feel betrayed.

Why is it that dogs wanna be a dog

but expect the woman to be faithful to them? 

Number one.  Dogs are usually greedy and have big appetites.  They don't wanna share.  Number two.  They wanna keep their chicks on lock because they probably couldn’t handle themselves what they do to other people.   At least that's my opinion anyways.  Hal would ask about my dates and if I wanted to f*ck the guy and whatever.  Just to mess with him sometimes I would say, "Yeah, I would f*ck him", and I know he didn't like that.  I started to get the sense that he wasn’t thrilled that I was dating and could potentially hook up with someone else.  So I noticed that Shallow Hal would start to tell me more about what he was doing with Miss New York and Miss C sexually.  By this time their six weeks was up (well NY's six weeks was up, I think he resumed f*cking Miss C in about 3 weeks.  Couldn’t wait.).  I figured that once that happened I wasn't gonna see him much anymore.  He had two new babies, a toddler, and two women in two states.  My time had diminished, and to be honest, it bugged me a little.  Not gonna lie.  I mean I knew that it would probably happen but when it did I felt a little neglected.  One thing about Shallow Hal, he knows how to give attention.  He calls.  He texts.  He emails.  He takes you out.  I couldn't get the former man to do anything remotely as close as any of this, and as I was coming off that rollercoaster Shallow Hal was waiting there at the exit.  I guess I got back on the rollercoaster again?  As raggedy and reckless as he was, he was giving me something that I craved.  ATTENTION.  

In fact, let me take a diversion for a little bit.  In these past posts I have been talking about Miss New York and Miss C, but I'm gonna take a minute to talk about myself. 

From the start I knew that Shallow Hal was a dog. 

I didn't know the level of "doggacity" he had, but I knew he had it.  I knew everything he did.  Who he did it with and how he did it.  I had full disclosure.  Truthfully I could take it or leave it, but I was good with what I had with him at the time.  Yeah what he was doing was wrong, and I was just as wrong too.  The more I knew, the less of an emotional attachment I had to him and at the moment that was cool.  Tin Man had f*cked me up so bad that I refused to get emotionally caught up in another dude.  So with Shallow Hal having these chicks, he was not available for me to get caught up.  Of course he wanted me to get tangled in his web of sugary bullshyt and have me strung out like Miss C and Miss New York, but it didn’t work.  I think the therapist understood it too.  She said that as long as I knew what I was dealing with, don’t get caught up and fall for him.  And I didn't.

Even though it may not make sense to some (and it doesn't really have to), Shallow Hal was safe.  He gave me the attention and the time that I needed; I just didn’t want to be emotionally involved in him or anyone like that.  I couldn’t get hurt from his lies because I knew the truth.  I knew enough about his shyt that he had to stay somewhat cool with me.  Lies are what hurt me before.  Love hurt me before.  You never know what you will do in the aftermath of being emotionally beat down by a man.  Yeah the truth hurts but I’d rather have that than find out later that dude was playing with my emotions.   As for listening to him dog other women, yeah it wasn’t easy to always hear.  I felt bad for them.  I did.  But what could I do except refuse to listen to the shyt?  That would only put me in the dark and I ain't TRYING to be in the dark with no more dudes.  Putting my foot down or getting disgusted with him wouldn’t change this man either.  Walking away wouldn't bother him because his azz was still on BlackPeopleMeet.  Did his ways turn me off?  Yeah it did sometimes.  But at this particular time it had not gotten to a point for me to leave him alone yet.  I was helping him with renting his house and I wanted my $1000, so I was gonna censor my comments and feelings at least until I got my money.  Which I did.  I got the place rented about two weeks after he moved out.  And during Christmas time, that was a big accomplishment.  Even I didn’t think I would pull it off that fast, but I did.  And I happily took my check to the bank.  Mission accomplished.

Back at home Miss New York was being somewhat agreeable with Shallow Hal, but with Miss C it wasn’t quite the same.  I mean they were cool at home and getting’ along, but when he would pack his bag every Saturday to go sleep in New York (and I do mean that literally) she definitely wasn’t happy.  They were now living in this sprawling home in Pennsylvania, so she was even farther away from people who she could communicate with.   She was a paranoid person who believes in voodoo and what not so she was locking herself in the walk in closet all day when he was at work.  The big house overwhelmed her.

SH: “You know I came home and she was locked in the closet with the kids?  She said she heard some kind of noise.  I think they were doing something on the house next door and it scared her.  But every day she stays locked in the room.  I bought this big ol’ house and she stays in the closet or locked in the room. “

Wow.  Just wow.  I had told him that moving out there didn’t make any sense, because now he was over two hours away from Miss New York too.  But again, he didn’t listen.  The house was a good deal but it literally is in West Hell and he just wasn’t thinking through it clearly.  That’s how he is with everything --- spontaneous and rushes to make decisions.  He doesn’t think.  That’s how he ended up with Miss C getting pregnant.  He wanted to be a dad but knocked up somebody in another country?  Twice.  Then he tells me later that he shouldn’t have done that.  Ya think???????  Geez.

Just like with this house.  He wouldn't wait until she had the baby in a few weeks.  He wanted to move NOW.  He closed on the house when Miss C was still about 8 months pregnant, and that’s when he told her they were moving.  He refused to hire movers so he did it himself, and even had Miss Big Belly helping him too.

SH:  “She did pretty good being eight months pregnant.”

I wanted to smack him.  I didn’t like that he did things that way and had her help but he is just a rock headed person.   He wouldn’t listen to me about movers.  I even suggested hiring those day laborer guys that stand around looking for work every morning.  But nope, instead he had Miss C packing and lifting shyt along with him.  

Still though, the new love cottage doesn't stop the tension that is starting to build with Miss C.  Shallow Hal says that she looks depressed and is losing weight.  But it doesn’t stop him from riding out to New York and spending the night with his other woman.  Eventually they argue so much that Hal tells Miss C she needs to spend the week with his cousin’s wife in Brooklyn to give them a break.  Miss C asked him, "Are you trying to get rid of me?"  Of course he was, at least for a little while anyways.  She didn’t want to go at first, but I guess she was tired of being in the house alone so eventually she agreed.

The same day Shallow Hal texts me, “You wanna see my new house?”

And we all know how I answered that question. 
 

I rode out to his house in PA.  Shallow Hal gave me the tour.  It was pretty nice.  Big.  Spacious.  Fancy.  It was a pretty nice come up for a chick who came from very little and was doing nothing for herself when Hal met her.  I felt a tinge of jealousy as I looked around.  Damn I wish I had a dude that could provide for me like that.  I saw all of the rooms and then I went into the closet where Miss C was spending most of her time.  I looked at her clothes.  It was the dead of winter but she only had things for warm weather since she was from the Caribbean.  She didn't have much.  Actually the kids had more stuff than she did.  Shallow Hal was more focused on buying things for the kids than for her it seemed.  I saw a wrinkled little French/English translation book that she must have been reading to try to learn English.  Then in a corner I saw a picture on the floor.  I picked it up and it was a picture of her and Shallow Hal.  It was a cute little picture of him embracing her.  I asked him what the picture was doing on the floor in the closet.

“I don’t know.  I am finding those pictures all over the house now”, he cooly said. 

I took it as a sign.  A sign that this woman was really sad and was looking at the pictures to somehow give her hope those happier times would return.  He told me she was very religious and prayed and read the bible a lot.  Maybe she was praying over the pictures?  Was she doing some voodoo chants?  Or was she scattering the pictures around the house so Shallow Hal could be reminded of how HE used to be to her? I dunno and Shallow Hal didn't know either.  It was just odd to see that picture in that closet like that.  If anything, I finally got to see what she looked like.  I thought she would be so drop dead gorgeous given that Hal had brought her here, bought them a big house together, and was providing for her.  But nah, she wasn’t gorgeous.  He always told me,"She ain't that fine."  She was okay looking though.  I wasn't gonna hate on her like that, but I did chuckle when he said she wears a 9.5 shoe and was only 5'4" tall.  :) 

Anyway, Shallow Hal and I eat and talk for a bit.  I head for one of the spare rooms to put my things in, but he grabs my arm and pulls me towards the master bedroom…..

(Pauses at keyboard.  Remembering this is messing with me.)

He pulls me towards the bedroom.  No, no, no.  I tell him that we can’t do it in there.  Not on that bed.  No, no, no.

(My mind is racing.  I'm seeing it all over again in my mind's eye.)

AND we do. IT. Anyway.  Right there.

On that bed.  On that floor.  And on the bed again.   I can see her clothes in the closet.  I can see her shoes.  He’s behind me, but I see her stuff in front of me.  I see the little picture on the closet floor.  And he is still behind me.  Hands on my hips.  Pushing.  Pushing.  Faster and harder.  It felt good.  He felt soooo good.

Two nights I came....there.  Two nights we slept.  In that bed.  Neither of us giving a shyt.

The day I left I made sure to get all my stuff so that she wouldn't know I had been there, because there was no telling what she would do if she found out.  I made sure the picture was back in the same spot in the closet too.  I stared at it and asked myself, "Does she really sit in this closet?  Does she sit in here looking at this picture?"

It was wild.  Deep.  Just the thought of her doing that f*cked with me more than the f*ck itself. 

Mind trips are not what I wanted outta this.  Shyt was getting to my head now, and I knew then that I had to get off the rollercoaster. 

That's when Shallow Hal reveals something to me that even I couldn't take...