"Who You Callin' A Bytch?" : Standoff in the Subway

It’s Friday evening.  Rush hour in NYC.  The weekend is here and I am the last person left in the office at work.  After much debate, I decide to skip going to happy hour even though the weather was nice.  It was a hard decision because the energy in the air was crazy and the city was electric.  What changed my mind was that I was loaded down with bags and my laptop and I didn’t feel like lugging all that crap   into a bar.   I am always, always, always losing shyt and it always happens when I have a lot of shyt with me.  In a three month period:

·         I lost my tip jar in a bar – DRUNK

·         I lost my $284 bus non-refundable fkn bus pass

·         I lost my wallet on a trip to Houston…which had the SECOND $284 bus pass that I had just replaced

And then last week I lost my damn driver’s license.  The one I had just replaced not even a month before.  I just have too much shyt in my bag and too many things on my mind and it is just causing chaos in my life.  So I opted to just be corny and slooooowwww down and take my azz home.  No happy hour that night.  I was just gonna clean up and drop the load of stuff I was carrying on both my shoulders.

Things are pretty ordinary at first.  I’m standing on the subway platform and it’s not very crowded, but after a few minutes I sensed something was wrong.  The trains were not coming into the station and the platform was filling with people very quickly.  In NYC trains come every couple minutes to shuttle the people out of the station, but by the time I had waited about eight minutes for the train, the platform was packed.  Not cool.

And of course this would happen when I have another train to catch in less than 15 minutes.

There's pushing and shoving of course when the train finally arrives, and I squeeze myself onto it.  Still no biggie.  It happens.  I am only going two stops but I take a minute to read some mail that was in my bag.  Again, no biggie.  Four minutes later I’m at my stop, but nobody is moving off the car it seems.  No bueno.   I have a train to catch in less than 10 minutes!!!

Newsflash.  You gotta keep it moving on the subway okay?  People get off, people get on.  The door opens and you have like two seconds to make a decision.  That’s it.  But for some reason on this occassion, nobody is moving?  The door is open.  The clock is ticking.  And I gotta go!

I search for the source of the problem.  I see this blond chick in the doorway who seems to be confused as to what to do.  You could tell that it wasn’t her stop, and she wasn’t sure about moving onto the platform so that people could get off.  Maybe she was afraid she wasn't gonna get back on.  The train was packed and the platform had hundreds of people waiting, and she was in the doorway trying to figure the shyt out.  What was probably only a few seconds she tried to work it out in her mind, but it seemed like minutes to me.  Precious minutes that I needed to use to get to my train, which was a long azz New York City block away.  Eventually this guy behind me says, “I wanna get off.”   He was directing it at the people near the door.   Still the blond lady looks confused and is still in the damn doorway.  I see her and say in a normal voice, “Move onto the platform.”  I called myself trying to coach her I guess.

But who responds?  Some muthafucca who was standing behind that lady waiting for her to move too.

He barks, “Just wait a minute!  We can’t move if there are other people in front of us!  Just wait!” 

He was angry.  Loud.  Nasty.  I honestly didn’t hear everything that he said exactly, but I did notice his tone.  He seemed really hot and bothered.  At first it didn’t even affect me.  I've seen plently of pissy people in my life and on the subway.  Plus nowadays I am slow to react with things sometimes (a big fault of mine), and his level of stank-ocity didn't register fully.  All I was thinking about was making my train honestly, and I literally had minutes to get to it.  I didn't focus on him and how he sounded.  I wanted to get off.

So I wait again.   The guy next to me waits too.  Still....NOBODY MOVES.

Then the guy behind me says it again, “I wanna get off.”  This time a little louder and with more frustration in his voice.

I chime in.  “Excuse me, I need to get off.”  My voice was even and calm.  I wasn't upset yet.

Then the same stank white guy says something again.  Again he is way too mad about the situation, but I don’t hear it all because finally there is some movement in the car.   I’m just trying to get off and I was focusing on that.   I say, “I’m sorry but I have a train to catch" as I moved my way towards the door.

And at that moment the situation went left.  Way left.  The guy and the blond chick finally moved their azzes out to the platform.  He positions himself near the subway door so he can step back on after people get off.  As I pass him to get off the train, he screams at the top of his lungs....

“Awww why don’t you shut up you f*ckin’ bitch!!!!”

I stop dead in my tracks.  SAY WHAT!!!!!!!!??????????  At that point, it was over.  I mean really over. 

I turn around and although he is not making eye contact with me, I can see his pasty face with his jaws tightened.    Oh you mad huh?  You wanna see mad?  You want to take me from zero to 20 in a millisecond, call me a bytch for no reason and you'll see mad real quick.

In an instant I transformed into the Incredible Hulk, Medusa, and The Exorcist combined.  I was not me and I was not in control.

I get in his face.   And I mean right in his face.  And with a deep, throaty growl I hollered,

“Who you callin’ a bitch….......BITCH!!!!?”

I was loud.  I said that so loud it strained my throat.  I stayed in his face.  Then something rumbled inside of me.  From the pit of my stomach, the monster grew and erupted, and before I even knew what was happening --- I pushed him with my body.   I see his face tighten with anger.  He steps backward to push me with his body.  You pushed me back?  Really?  And before I could think...

I hit him.  With my balled up fist I hit him.

I saw him flinch as my fist landed on his body.  I hear people on the platform gasp, and someone was saying, “Hey, hey, hold on there.”  I was ready.  No way was he gonna insult me like that over some bullshyt.  NOT TODAY.

He didn't make another move though, and before I knew it he had walked back into the train.  He didn’t say another word either.  He just stood there, holding the pole in the train, looking in another direction.  He did not make eye contact with me, and strangely the anger in his face had downshifted to neutral?  Just a quickly as this azzhole blew up, he went into an emotionless stance.   My face was still full of anger though, and I was ready for his azz.  How dare you call me a bitch over the fact that I want to get off the train?  The damn lady was the fuckin’ problem, not him.  Maybe she was with him and he was defending her…who knows.  All I know is that the situation didn’t call for him yelling at me like that and I was ready to fight his azz over it.   Bags on my shoulders and all. 

When I saw that he wasn’t gonna make another move and that he had created some distance between us, I started to walk away.   A booming “MUTHAFUCCA!!!!” roared from my lips.  I was hot as hell!   I saw people looking at me but I didn’t give a f*ck.  I was steamed.  After that chick punked me in the subway last year (Standoff in the Subway), and that dude tried to pick on me at the movie, I wasn’t having it.  I just wasn’t.

I made it to my train, but honestly I felt that I should have stayed on that damn subway and decked that muthafucca.  I know that's not cool to think that way, but I did for a few minutes.  I know people in NYC are crazy but he was totally out of line.  People keep pushing me.  On the street.  In the bar.  In the movies.  I never told that story on the blog did I? About how some random man felt he was gonna f*ck with me because I was by myself in the movies one day?  Oooh….boy. 

(jaw tightening as I remember that incident)

Don’t these people know that I take boxing classes and that I am a muthafuccin’ NINJA in a dress???? 

LOL.

Anyway people pass out the bytch word way too much these days, and honestly these men have such blatant disrespect for women now that it’s just ridiculous.   That dude knew I meant business and opted to close his mouth as he held that pole waiting for the door to close.  He should have closed his mouth in the first f*ckin' place.  For real.  The situation didn't have to go there and he was being a damn azzhole.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

“Who you callin’ a bitch?”

Not me dammit.  That’s for sure.

I just hope next time this happens I don't lose it again.  

(I need some brass knuckles in my life.)