I sent the lawyer a letter about my issue with his final fees this week. I have to sign a release agreement with the defendants before anyone gets paid, and I have been holding the releases for almost a month now. I'm like, "I ain't signing shyt. If I get screwed, we all get screwed and no one gets a damn dime." I'm tired of people shytting on me and we need to straighten this fee thing out. I don't wanna talk to him though and my letter clearly said to respond in writing. But he called anyway? Hard headed. I'll admit that these fast talking lawyers confuse me. They already did this to me before and I am not putting myself in that position again. Whatever they gotta say put it in writing dammit.
I really don't trust myself to talk to them.
I was just raised to be a weenie and concede and be nice and all that shyt. My mother still tries to tell me to be this way to this very damn day. To her, I am the bitch of the century and I need to just 'let things go and forget about them.'
Do we raise our girls to be like this sometimes?
Does society implant this 'give of yourself' and 'give the benefit of the doubt' attitude in women so that we find ourselves hesitating to say no or calling people on their shyt until it's too damn late?
Do we worry too much about how we will be perceived and how we will fit into the "angry loud mouth Black chick" stereotype that we pull back?
Do we worry about men complaining about us and white folks expecting us to show our azzes that we are afraid to ask for what we want?
Or is it just me? Haha.
I talked about this with my therapist last month when I was sitting in her office crying after my court date. I knew I didn't like how things were going with my lawyer for a long azz time but I stayed neutral because I thought that they would drop me. My money was f'd up at the time and I couldn't pay to sign on with anyone else. The therapist said that sometimes women are often told to be 'softer' when we deal with people, and even when we are mad we have to "womanly and mad". We know shyt ain't right but we explain it away because we don't want fit a stereotype of being belligerent and emotional.
I think this is me and I hate it. In my younger days I wasn't this way and used to speak my mind, but as I have gotten older I changed. I guess 'saying how I felt' back then brought me too much drama in my twenties and I was tired of battling. But I don't see what being softer has done for me; I'm STILL battling mothafuccas all the time. I'm working on recognizing my feelings so that I can react sooner to how I feel. I even bought some books on the subject because I was so pissed at myself after that court mess. Yeah it sounds corny to be all in this 'self-help' mode but if that's what I have to do then so be it.
I have now added this to my Operation Sexy campaign. I gotta nip this shyt in the bud. I started to post about the BJ class and then the lawyer call came through. I gotta put off talking about fellatio techniques until the weekend - again. But I'll give out this quick little tip from Professor D*ck to get things started:
(not on you but on his thang ladies; think porn star). Yeah sounds nasty but he said guys LOVE IT, LOVE IT. He said it REPEATEDLY, and I cringed while holding onto the large cucumber that was given to me when I checked in at the door. Hmmmm...I don't know if I am a saliva type of gal (I hate seeing people spit), but more on that lata.
Btw, the first phase of Operation Sexy has been completed! My toes are done and are fresh out of the oven! Just in time for summer too - just like I planned. The long toes have been shortened so they lay down really nicely, and they look FANTASTICO!!! I have gone back to running, the serious gym boot camps, and doing my step classes. What a great feeling. No more makeup on my toes and no more filing down corns and all that. And most importantly, no more wearing tall hurting azz shoes for extended periods of time either. I'll be damned if you see my azz walking like a newborn pony with my legs buckling at the knees anymore. So not cute. Anyway, I ain't a shawty so I don't need all that height to tell you the truth. Bunk that. So when I walk down the street this summer I will be sanging to myself,