Friday, July 23, 2010

Sometimes I'm a Weenie Azz

Aw shizzle. My lawyer just called. My heart is beating nervously fast. Why, I don't know and it's dumb.  What I do know though is that getting nervous about the little shyt like a phone call is why I find myself cleaning up messes all the damn time.

I sent the lawyer a letter about my issue with his final fees this week.  I have to sign a release agreement with the defendants before anyone gets paid, and I have been holding the releases for almost a month now. I'm like, "I ain't signing shyt. If I get screwed, we all get screwed and no one gets a damn dime." I'm tired of people shytting on me and we need to straighten this fee thing out. I don't wanna talk to him though and my letter clearly said to respond in writing. But he called anyway? Hard headed. I'll admit that these fast talking lawyers confuse me. They already did this to me before and I am not putting myself in that position again. Whatever they gotta say put it in writing dammit.

I really don't trust myself to talk to them. 

I was just raised to be a weenie and concede and be nice and all that shyt.  My mother still tries to tell me to be this way to this very damn day.  To her, I am the bitch of the century and I need to just 'let things go and forget about them.'

Do we raise our girls to be like this sometimes? 

Does society implant this 'give of yourself' and 'give the benefit of the doubt' attitude in women so that we find ourselves hesitating to say no or calling people on their shyt until it's too damn late?

Do we worry too much about how we will be perceived and how we will fit into the "angry loud mouth Black chick" stereotype that we pull back? 

Do we worry about men complaining about us and white folks expecting us to show our azzes that we are afraid to ask for what we want?

Or is it just me?  Haha.

I talked about this with my therapist last month when I was sitting in her office crying after my court date.  I knew I didn't like how things were going with my lawyer for a long azz time but I stayed neutral because I thought that they would drop me.  My money was f'd up at the time and I couldn't pay to sign on with anyone else.  The therapist said that sometimes women are often told to be 'softer' when we deal with people, and even when we are mad we have to "womanly and mad".  We know shyt ain't right but we explain it away because we don't want fit a stereotype of being belligerent and emotional. 

I think this is me and I hate it.  In my younger days I wasn't this way and used to speak my mind, but as I have gotten older I changed.  I guess 'saying how I felt' back then brought me too much drama in my twenties and I was tired of battling.  But I don't see what being softer has done for me; I'm STILL battling mothafuccas all the time.  I'm working on recognizing my feelings so that I can react sooner to how I feel.  I even bought some books on the subject because I was so pissed at myself after that court mess.  Yeah it sounds corny to be all in this 'self-help' mode but if that's what I have to do then so be it. 

I have now added this to my Operation Sexy campaign.  I gotta nip this shyt in the bud. I started to post about the BJ class and then the lawyer call came through.  I gotta put off talking about fellatio techniques until the weekend - again.  But I'll give out this quick little tip from Professor D*ck to get things started:


(not on you but on his thang ladies; think porn star).  Yeah sounds nasty but he said guys LOVE IT, LOVE IT.  He said it REPEATEDLY, and I cringed while holding onto the large cucumber that was given to me when I checked in at the door.  Hmmmm...I don't know if I am a saliva type of gal (I hate seeing people spit), but more on that lata.

Btw, the first phase of Operation Sexy has been completed!  My toes are done and are fresh out of the oven!  Just in time for summer too - just like I planned.  The long toes have been shortened so they lay down really nicely, and they look FANTASTICO!!!  I have gone back to running, the serious gym boot camps, and doing my step classes.  What a great feeling.  No more makeup on my toes and no more filing down corns and all that.  And most importantly, no more wearing tall hurting azz shoes for extended periods of time either.  I'll be damned if you see my azz walking like a newborn pony with my legs buckling at the knees anymore.  So not cute.  Anyway, I ain't a shawty so I don't need all that height to tell you the truth.  Bunk that.  So when I walk down the street this summer I will be sanging to myself,



  1. LMFAO 99 problems and a corn aint one! Too funny! As far as the atty situation maybe you should try and deal directly with the billing person. I hope that your Operation Sexy movement continues to work for you dear!

  2. ^^ Hi atruhollywood! Thanks for the suggestion, but actually the attorney is the billing person too in this outfit. LOL. It's a small office. I have my bills now because I sent him letters which clearly elude to the fact that I probably will escalate the issue to the state ethics board. After six months, I got info yesterday and today. The message is probably to discuss the fees over the phone. But really there is not a lot to discuss. It's really a yes or no situation at this point with the attorney.

    Let's hope that he will consider me a nuisance and entertain his original number so that I STFU and we can part ways. LOL.

  3. ^^^ I wanna move on so I focus on what color I'm going paint my new toes this weekend. :)

  4. LOL! Girl, I was all prepared to give my ten cents about being taught to be somewhat passive and then the drool tip erased my memory and made my laptop smoke a bit....hee hee.

    Seriously, I think some moms do, mine did. I go between honey and pitbull in a skirt so it's heavily based on the situation in my case. I honestly think (and have been meaning to write about) sometimes it's the bitch who gets respect and things done the way they want. Doesn't make it right but it's the way things often are.

    In most situations I do try to keep my temper under wraps, not only to avoid the ABW stereotype but it's just not a good look to be out of control. There's absolutely nothing wrong with expressing what we want, many times people fail to do it with tack though (thinking of a few coworkers...grrrr!).

    And so...about that BJ "class"...

  5. Hello all
    Just a different take on the atty thing. Unfortunately there are female specific issues but I don't think the atty thing is one. I just called one that my family is dealing with she seems to have a problem returning calls. I can partially understand her reluctance after dealing with my fam. but after they get the retainer they are a Bit*h to deal with. The incentive factor for them is minimal since they got your cash and there is no major 6 figure payoff for them. So frankly whatca gonna do but wait and accept their legal BS???? Other then that you wind up suing your atty and good luck finding one that will sue their own. Most threats to them is factored in as the cost of doing business. I'm going to call a friend whose wife is an atty and see if I can stop that queasy feeling I get thinking about dealing with them.
    PS: Even more then the drool is the sound effects - sizzle!!!! -jb

  6. Something goofy has been happening with my comments so my replies to you all did not post.

    Thanks CurvyGirl for reading again. So at least I know it's not just me that got the dose of nice girl from moms all the time. I would LOVE to see what you blog about your take on that.

    Hey jb!

    Yep the effects were mentioned too! LOL. So you don't think it's a female thing but an attorney thing. Yeah your probably right. I just hate them so. I wonder what advice you will be given...please share when you find out!

  7. Hey there
    Whats ironic is that the atty I was dealing with is female. In today's culture once attained being a "professional" is less a male or female thing but a getting the job done thing. Some of the most vicious, conniving, cold blooded folks I've meet are females. That is not a knock on females but a knock on professional "ethics". Some seem to feel that they have to be harder then a male or be considered weak. Anyways when I discussed reducing her fee she was adamant that was not possible. I then switched atty (another female) but one I know and trust. Needless to say the other atty was not pleased and refused to fax the doc's so we had to pick them up. Now its back to wait and see :)

  8. "Do we raise our girls to be like this sometimes?

    Does society implant this 'give of yourself' and 'give the benefit of the doubt' attitude in women so that we find ourselves hesitating to say no or calling people on their shyt until it's too damn late?

    Do we worry too much about how we will be perceived and how we will fit into the "angry loud mouth Black chick" stereotype that we pull back?

    Do we worry about men complaining about us and white folks expecting us to show our azzes that we are afraid to ask for what we want??"

    I am 20 something and I have lived a hard ass life...truth be told I wasn't taught I learned from men...the devil is always busy love, no matter if its men business or your health.

    I love your blog it gives me a life and also kind of a friend lol you and I have a very similar thank you for writing what you feel and being my not friend friend lol

    things will get better eventually...nothing worth having is easy to attain