Thursday, June 9, 2011


I know that man ain't thinking about me.

But no matter how busy I am,
And what I have going on with other fellas,
My mind manages to find a place for him.
And I wish,
Still wish that things could have been different.
But they will never, ever be different.
Things will be EXACTLY how I experienced them.
Nothing will change.
He will be the same ol' Ike Turner.
Mean and heartless.
Self serving and uncaring.

But yet,
I still wish for him.
 Like a fool.

And I bet.
I just bet.
That the next chick...he marries. 
Because that's the way those things always goes.
They seem to marry the NEXT ONE.
Like they miraculously figure out how to be right and do right for the NEXT ONE.
Just cray-zee.

I fought.  I took chances. 
Put myself out there, just to walk away with cuts and bruises.
And watch and see what happens now.
The next chick will come along and snag him,
Breezy and easy.
Like it was nothing.
He'll act right for her.
But he couldn't,
Wouldn't do it for me.

And then I will do what I always do,
Question myself,
Again and again until I'm sick in the head.
Asking myself,

Why. Not. Me?

(tapping fingers on desk)

Letting go is tough.
It takes time,
I just wish "time" would hurry up and get here.
But for now,
I'll be a little bit pathetic.
And continue to wish for someone not worth wishing for.

Like the fool that I am.
Like the fool I now admit that I was.



  1. I know just how you're feeling. I feel the same way in regards to my ex. Sometimes I wonder, does he ever think of me....miss me....In my mind, I know that he and I will never be together again, we're too different. I do wish at times, he'd just realize that what I wanted wasn't a lot at all....


  2. That was poignant....those feelings can be difficult to go through when they come round. When wounds heal, it's always the emotional ones that take the longest.

    Many people are ruled blindly by the feelings that follow heartbreak, it is a great thing to read that you are in touch with yours. I hope you find some solace in knowing that you are not alone. These feelings one day shall pass.

  3. My dear... you are not pathetic. You may feel that way. I have. We all have. But guess what... You are allowed to feel whatever you feel and not be judged for it. Allow yourself to grieve and get it out of your system. Eventually it'll be less and less. Doesn't go away all at once but one day while living your life, it'll just dawn on you that you haven't thought about his ass in a lonnnggg time. And... then you'll go back to doing whatever it was you were enjoying doing. Don't be so hard on yourself. Have patience with yourself. A watch pot never boils. Trust me girl. Just take the time...

    On the same long hard road,

  4. this comment is probably unnecessary because as you can see from above - "Everybody plays the fool sometime - there are no exceptions to the rule". Do what you need to do to move past this. But if it takes 2 to make a relationship work then it takes 2 to break one; which means do not put all the blame on yourself. Now's the time to put the focus where it belongs on yourself and figuring out what you really want. You will find rule one is that you can not love someone that does not return it. -jb

  5. Oh dang. I thought my reply back to you all posted.

    Thanks to the ladies above who commented. Yeah it's a tough-y! Hey I tried, but some things happened today and this morning and I guess the man is just annoyed with me.

    But jb, you are correct in that I shouldn't put the blame on myself, cuz I don't. Not at all. I expressed how I felt about him but it was not to change his mind. It was about getting past my fear of expressing my feelings, and being satisfied with doing that even if the response may not be good. I have to be satisfied with that and go on! Go on!

    So yeah I'm a little dizzy from the brick he just threw at my head today. I'll be okay.

    Got a date tonight. My 'maintenance man' will be around to serve me soon I hope later this week. People to occupy my mind.

  6. ^ and that may sound like a bad plan, but it's better than sitting around thinking about this shyt. That's for sure.

  7. you took the words RIGHT out of my mouth. lovely, and trust me, i OVERstand. but my ex already married the one he decided to act right with. and had the nerve to tell me i was "right" all along. talk about smack in the face!

  8. your NEVER pathetic. you're honest and you write from a place deep inside all women. its a gift i think..........omg i have so much reading to do on your blogs! where have i been>? oh yea thats right..STUCK. LOL.

  9. The majority of us have been there, done that and hated ourselves for it. You are NOT pathetic. Just human is all.