Monday, February 20, 2012

Would You Send This?

Would you send this to someone that just shitted on you?  I'm debating if I should.  It could make me look crazy, but after reading this, do you really think I give a fck right now?  I know it's long and I don't care if he reads all of it; just the fact that I sent it might make me feel better?  In a city of 10 million people, I would probably never see him again anyway and who would he tell?  We don't know the same people.  So why not?  Hell, after Whitney Houston died I'm like why keep shyt bottled up?  Life is too short.



As much as I hate to continue my rant, I want to say that I blame myself.  Apparently I have had some warped fixation on your dick and your mouth action and it caused me to give you passes that no other man I have dealt with has gotten in over 10 years.  I usually walk away pretty quickly once I see rigidity in a man, especially men close to 40.  But yanno, if I were you, I would do the same thing that you did to me.  It feels good to think you have power and control over someone.  Mess with their head and say sugary shit and smile to keep them on the hook when you really don’t give a fck.  I do it all the time.  Few people want to be around someone they can walk and fck over like that on a serious tip, and that made me unattractive to you.  I can relate to that 100%.  I have dropped guys that I felt I could walk over myself.  So I blame myself for how I let you treat me. I have no problem saying that, and I will always hate myself for it. 

But…not as much as I hate you though.  You’re a monster. 

I have said that you seem to be an intelligent guy, but you’re dumb at the same time.  Dumb in knowing how to deal with a woman outside of a physical relationship.  Dumb in the game of love, like, friends with benefits.  Just dumb in all facets of dealing with women.  Unless someone has given you a reason Tin Man, a damn good reason, there is nothing to gain from shitting on people. 

But u can’t help it.  You have a personality disorder and are low-functioning when it comes to personal relationships.  A bit of NPD is mixed in there too.  You fail at intimacy.  You fail at openness.  The porn you watch is about objectification and devaluing feelings in women, which is typical of someone who has Narcisstic Personality Disorder.  You make a big deal out of little shit like calling a female because you can’t stand the thought of doing something nice.  You let me contribute money to shit when we went out (my standard test for cheap azzes), even though it was your damn idea to go out.  Totally clueless on how to function on a date.  Punk shit.  You seem to romanticize the time in your life where u seemed to be the most uncaring towards women.  Taking revenge on women’s hearts because of bullshit that happened to you as a teen.  Maybe you felt that your feelings were most protected during this time and you decided to roll with that mindset.  But what have u really gained from that besides a narcissistic attitude?  You think because you are 43 you are a grown azz man, but you have a mentality of a twenty year old.  I have tried to see the positive in you and look past your flaws, but all I see is ugliness now.  Looks fade, and your character has now become your face.   You are the ugliest man I have ever met in my life and I will never, ever forgive you for the way you have acted towards me. 

If your child's mother hates you, I bet it's because you doubted her when she was pregnant and you were a complete asshole to her.  That story about how she didn't tell u she was pregnant but then she resented u bc you moved on doesn't even make sense?  She named the kid after you but yet didn't tell you she was pregnant?  Bullshyt.  You have a temper and probably said the most awful things, ignored her, and let her down to the point where she now has low tolerance for your bullshit.  Maybe she expected you to change after the baby was born, and by time you got the paternity test done the woman was done with you.  How long do you think people will put up with your dickly ways?  Whatever "disdain" and "disgust" you say she shows in her face towards you I'm sure you earned it. 

You will never change.  You’re a true narcissistic asshole and you’re destined for a fkd up life.  What you think is working truly is not.  If women always despise you after dealing with you what does that indicate?  I don’t usually deal with dudes that haven’t been married or without kids because they are usually fkn crazy.  I run from muthafuccas like you honestly.  But I guess I just didn't accept that you could really be THAT awful, and I gave you the benefit of the doubt.  I wanted to believe in you.  I tried putting you in all kinds of boxes trying to make you ‘fit’ somehow in my life.  But you always, always succeed in fcking it up.  What you were was right there in my face, and I just kept entertaining the abuse.  Why the fck did I do that only heaven knows. 

Saturday I couldn't meet anyway and I knew you wouldn't call.  I knew you wouldn't meet me yesterday either.  The same bullshit.  Then you blame the kid’s mom about not contacting me?  WTF?  So ridiculous and laughable.  If you met someone that’s fine but be a man a say that's what's up.  I’d rather you do that than play the passive-aggressive game like some punk.  When we were fkn things went to another level, but clearly the universe didn’t allow a seed to grow because it knew I didn’t deserve a life sentence dealing with you.  Thank goodness I dodged that bullet.  I’m bruised, but I get to say goodbye and never have to talk to you again.  So for that reason alone, I am the luckiest woman in the world.  You just better hope that the woman is not the type that will turn the kid against you.  Now she is in control, and I bet that shit is killing you right now.  Finally, someone has the upper hand on your azz and you gotta stay in line.  Show your azz; you don’t see the kid.  It’s that simple.  Good for her.

Damn I tried.  I tried my hardest NOT to be the Angry Black Woman that men love speaking about.  Like we are just this way for no muthafuccin reason???  But over and over and over again you stomp on me, so how else am I supposed to feel?  So fck the stereotype and congratulations to you for making me ANGRY.  And I am allowed to be that because YOU drove me to this point after 1.5 years of your shyt.  YOU.

I wish I never met you.  You’re the worst thing that has happened to me in a long, long time and you make me sick.  You’re the only man I can say that I have felt this way about and that’s pretty sad because I am a pretty easy going woman.  You are a total and complete zero.  Outside of having some good dyck and mouth action, you were a total WASTE.OF.MY.TIME. 

 
But on the positive, I take this experience as a lesson!  Never again will I let anyone, man or woman, make me feel like shit again.  I’d rather be dead.

You will always be remembered as a crazy, lost, heartless bastard.  MR. TIN MAN.  A special title that you, and you alone, will forever have in my mind. 

Would you send this? Or something like this?

I hope some fellas respond. 

And this is not about Shallow Hal. 

33 comments:

  1. I have written letters like this but never sent them! I don't think it would be worth your time to send it especially if he is who you described him as in the letter. I think it is great that you got it out in writing but now you should retire the letter and put the feelings in a box and move on.

    I usually just write to get things off of my chest and that may be what you needed. If you send it to the person, it may backfire and you may end up regretting it. Just put it away for a few days and come back to it. If you still feel just as strong about it, you may need to write another letter! But don't send it...

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  2. Oh my! I think its great that you got all your frustration out but i don't know that i'd necesarily send this to the person in question. If nothing else, i'm sure you don't want him to be able to laud over you that he has so much weight in your heart that he could make you get in your feelings and write something like this. You know how D-bags are.

    In other words, i'm completely cosigning everything PhenomenallyMe wrote lol

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    1. Wow...this sounds that crazy to y'all? I thought it was very good? I have been too soft with him and want to really say what I want and how I want it.

      Ok, ok...can I say anything at all??? Anything?

      LOL!

      Delete
    2. LOL, well, I would say "thanks for the role you played in my life!"

      Honestly, I feel you. But I think that everything you have to say to him, will come to him in the form of Karma...

      Enough said...

      Delete
  3. honestly, and as somebody who's fighting to get out of an emotionally abusive situation like that, i'd say send it. i would. that's how you feel, right? you don't regret writing anything you did, do you? imho a**holes need to know that the world sees thru their bulls**t ways. again, i would send it.

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  4. For a minute I thought this was about someone I used to know. I don't think you're crazy, I think the way people f*ck over others is trifling and is a sure-fire sign of a lack of self esteem and character. I say give it some time, let the fire of anger extinguish itself. I know folks claim "closure" is needed but I won't trust anyone like this to close it. Hang in there, he's a non-issue, but it takes a minute to get over the utter f*ckery.

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    1. Oh I ain't looking for him to close a damn thing. He is incapable of that. I just wanna tell him the things that Miss Nicety Me didn't want to do.

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  5. Honestly, I have written letters like this. Usually I burn them. I sent one. And he damn well deserved it. I needed him completely out of my life. Being that he is in jail in Idaho right now, it makes it hard for me to say shite like that in person to him, hence sending the letter. I've never felt better in my life since sending it. And every time I come across a photo or letter or something he sent me I either shred it, trash it, or burn it. If its something you feel definitely needs to be sent then by all means send it. However, if you're angry right now, calm down then re-read it and once you're calm and satisfied with it then send it.

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    1. I did the purge. Deleted his phone number and blocked it, although I know that punk ain't gonna call. Deleted the dyck pic too. Once I wrote this I did feel better, so I am not hot as hell mad. I don't think I ever was. I'm just pissed and wanna have my REAL SAY you know. I can calm myself a bit like you said though...but I'm not gonna wait days and days.

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    2. I'd wait max 3 days if it were me and I was already calm but that's me and I tend to get called the crazy white chick by most of my friends so you can take that how you will. However if you really believe he needs to hear it by all means send it. And my opinion, he does.

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    3. I hear ya. And you know what, I was crazy. Crazy for putting up with it. So if I am still crazy for sending the letter then so be it. Hopefully it will be my last crazy act when it comes to this monster.

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  6. I say send this shit. Send it. Without a care in the world. Hell as I was posting this I would've pressed send. I'm a firm believer in truth. Hard truth. Serve him up some nice truth pudding.

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  7. I wrote a letter similar to this...it was damn near 3 pages. I put it in an envelope, dropped it off to his house and then told him to check his mailbox. I needed to get it off my chest. I express myself better through words. Had I tried to tell him all of that over the phone or in person, I would've flown off the deep end. You may not get a response...then again you may run into each other one day. Treat it like a message in a bottle. Let it find its destination and you go on with your life knowing you've said everything you've needed to say.

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    1. Thanks for this perspective. I agree with you that an actual conversation would be a mess. I too, express myself better with words. That's the reason why I started the blog! When I write...it's just liberating most times.

      Not looking for a response and I don't think he would give me one either. That's cool. He doesn't know how to communicate anyway. He's a mess. I just want to say what I want...uninterrupted.

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  8. Don't send it. Writing it has accomplished what YOU needed, a release. Women who feel shytted on in relationships always tend to say "you'll never find one that love you, treats you, do the things I did blah blah blah" or something to that affect. To men, especially a self absorbed one, it all sounds sorta amusing and does not make us regret whatever we did to cause the breakup. It lets us know that in your efforts to tell us off and get the last word, we have a hold on you still. You are spot on in saying he won't change, and sending the letter will just empower him to come back later on and insert himself back into your life. The best thing to do is cut ties without any explanation. That will affect him exponentially more than the letter. Let me put it to you like this, if you walked up to the devil and told him he was shyt and the worst thing ever what do you think his reaction would be vs just ignoring him and his antics like he didn't exist? You got your release, let it go and move on.

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    1. Hi.

      I thought about what you said a lot last night.

      But what if you don't care what he thinks anymore? What if you don't care that he laughs it off? Does having the last word REALLY mean that you have a hold on me? Or that you could come back? Questions! Questions! LOL.

      I can't see myself letting him back though. I am thoroughly turned off. If I did entertain him I would just lure him to me and be sweet and then when I'm finished getting my jollies I would just tell him to get the fck out. And I wouldn't even waste my time with that so....

      I already sent a couple texts the other day but they were nothing like this letter and were very light. I do agree with you 100% that being silent works wonders, but since I sent those texts I've already missed that opportunity? That's why I was like what the hell about the letter.

      Not sure if I feel a 'release' by just typing this though? Is this letter better or worse than me IMAGINING saying this to him in my head? No. Will the letter help me move on like you suggest? Probably so.

      I dunno. I'm thinkin' about what your perspective as a male. Seriously I am. Ignoring works wonders but in this situation I've given it energy already by sending the texts.

      Hmmm...

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  9. That was awesome. i was getting ready to say SEND THAT SHITTT NOWWW!!! ....until i read the post above. damn. im torn now.... i cant tell you what to do i've sent countless emails that never even get a response (not like your masterpiece, lol) but at the end of the day who cares. i said it. regardless if you read it or not. i said it to your face (well ur inbox) & didnt live with that shit inside of me.

    i will say one thing tho i do agree with strtpimpin..ignoring someone will drive them crazy hurt more than any words you could ever say. and even tho 'he aint callin' or reaching out to you. you know that fool is going crazy inside his warped lil mind. no matter how dead inside he is. he thinks he's ignoring you until one day he realizes you just didnt give a fuck anymore. and he was the one being ignored the whole time.

    hey....i support whatever you do.

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    1. Hey Rells! Thanks for dropping in. Like you said "I didn't live with that shyt inside of me."

      That's the big thing. At the end of it all, the letter would be about ME. Not about his reaction.

      What will I do? What will I do?

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    2. I like this Rells...

      "he thinks he's ignoring you until one day he realizes you just didnt give a fuck anymore"

      Now that speaks volumes right there.

      Delete
  10. I'm kinda on the fence on whether you should send it or not too. I've written a few emails like this. I've sent one. Usually, all I need to do is write it out and maybe reread it a few times before I feel better and can delete it and move on with my life. For the most part, I don't like sending them because I know there will be at least a part of them that will feel satisfied when they read it. Like, if I were them, and I did someone wrong, and they took the time to write out this long email bashing me and telling me so, there would be a part of me that sat there smug while reading it. Like, "Heh. I got his ass." And I don't like giving men that satisfaction. So if I feel royally screwed over by one, I'll write out this long eloquent email telling them exactly what I think of them, but I won't actually send it to them. All I need is that release. Once I put my words to paper (or computer screen) I get that release and I can move on. And I also agree that the best way to convey to them how you feel about them is to just cut them out of your life with absolutely no explanation. Once, I wrote it out and actually sent it. And you know, I didn't feel satisfied at all. I actually regretted it after a while. He never responded, I never thought he would, and it ended up feeling like I gave him the one thing he wanted: to know he affected my ass the way he did. And now he'd have that proof forever. The next time I felt compelled to write a letter, I did. But this time, I left it on my computer and revisited it a few times before I deleted it, his number, got rid of all his pictures and gifts, and changed my information so he wouldn't try to contact me. And I never really expected him to, but several months later, he tracked down my work email and sent me one of those letters. And I knew, I got my last word. Without having to say anything, without giving him that satisfaction, I was able to let him know I didn't care about him and didn't want him anymore. His email was a short pissy one mentioning the fact that I dropped his ass the way I did and even changed my email and numbers. And I was the one who sat there smug and satisfied. Knowing that after all that time he thought he got over on me to realize I was the one who changed my info and didn't want him anymore actually got to him. And that's what I wanted. I wanted him to know I was walking away and he meant so little to me at that point, I didn't even bother to give him the courtesy of a goodbye or a last cry. You wrote one epic letter, but I'd suggest you sit on it a few days. And if you still feel like sending it, and know that you might wind up feeling less satisfied if you do, send it.

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    1. Thanks Laki. So you have a perspective from both sides. I'll sit on it. I do feel that it would make me feel better to send it and not worrying about the 'after'. It always bugs me to be denied my ability to say how I feel. If I don't send it, I don't wanna be like, "Damn I should I have sent it." I wouldn't be able to get a response because I have blocked him being able to do that anyway. So I am not looking for a reply, nor do I expect one. Whatever smug face he might have is cool, because once you don't GAF you don't care how they react....right?

      Bottom line it's whatever decision will make me feel better. Just gotta decide what that decision is.

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  11. I feel like this right now...I feel like writing a letter just like this so it is not fair for me to answer. The emotionally broken me says fck it...send it...The rational me says sit on it...you got it off your chest now burn it.

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    1. I think a lot of women feel me like u.

      I wish burning the letter Wld burn the bad feelings but that's a dream. I don't feel liberated penning something intended for someone and not sending it.

      Although I wish it were that simple. :)

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  12. Honestly you're probably wasting your time sending it. It doesn't really sound like he's the type to take the time to even read it. I will tell you as a much kinder and gentler individual than I used to be, if a dude busting your head like that then he doesn't really care what your feelings on the subject are. The women saying it will give him a feeling of power over you are speaking from an estrogen fueled perspective. That's why guys know the easiest way to get to a woman is the silent treatment.

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    1. Believe it or not, I would treat it as message in a bottle ---not caring how it is received or if I get a response. He might read it:; he might not. I feel u on the silent thing, but its too late for that bc I haven't been silent. But I never went this hard. I always stayed nice about it.

      It Wldnt totally be a waste of time if I was simply satisfied with delivering it. I already know he won't respond so that's not even a thing. I blocked all his stuff so he can't contact me anyway. If I sent it, it Wld be sp final in my mind. So final....

      I dunno. Still thinking but I hear u loud and clear.

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    2. I'll put it to you a different way. There are only two reasons you would send the letter.

      1) You really have a lot to say and it's the most effective way for you to relay a message to him. It allows you to get everything off your chest without interruption and it really has an opportunity to at a minimum resonate on some level with him. You want him to truly understand how you feel.

      2) The physical act of sending the message, in and of itself, is going to make you feel better and help you to heal and recover faster than you would otherwise.

      If it's the former, leave it alone. It's a complete waste of time and energy. If it's the latter, I say go for it.

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    3. Thank you sweets so very much for seeing it from both ways. And taking the time to come back and reply to my response.

      You can't make this more simple and plain as you have done here. In fact, I won't even drag it out either. I hope I have the right 'box' out of the two choices in your reply, and honestly I think I do. If I sent that letter...the door would be sooooo closed. That's what I know delivering it would mean to me.

      Let's see what happens. The decision deadline is March 2.

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  13. Im probably late and you probably already made your decision, but i just happen to stumble on your blog. This post was very interesting and I could sort of relate to it. I saw the comments that people wrote, some were for sending it,some were against it. I been a little bit well a lot been in a relationship wit a dude for a year, and i been fucked over as well, the same stuff you've been through. As others had said dont send it , i ABSOLUTELY AGREE. im going to state y. I wrote a letter myself, but i do not send it, its for me to release all the anger and hurt that was done to me. you sending it will show that HE STILL HAS THE POWER OVER YOU!! do not let a man think he has the power over you because than its a lose lose situation. He will read that smiling inside saying yea i still got you ya dig. you may think im nuts but im so serious!. you have forgive and move on. he was just not the guy for you. i always go with what goes around comes around. may not be today, tomorrow but soon enough. My ex hurt me the same way dude hurt and played you. time went by and i said WTF was i thinking and i even texted out of the blue like nothing ever happened. FUCKED his head up, he's prob thinking what the fuck, y she so happy and calm to me, cz i moved the fuck on..lmao..

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  14. Were we seeing the same person??? Wow! The resemblance is uncanny! Anywho....I hope you send/sent it.

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