Kim asked me what I was doing for my 40th birthday. I told her that I have nothing to celebrate. Then she said, "You're alive! You're breathing! You should be thankful for that." I then said I should be having a party everyday because I breathe everyday. I told the therapist that and she laughed.
Got a collection notice for the damn internet service. I don't know why every year 1&1 internet has the problem with me. Idiots. The bill is like $20 but they always send it to collections.
The mornings are getting worse for me. I can't get out of the bed. Then when I do get out of the bed and go into the bathroom, I am greeted by the hairs from my roommate's head in the tub, on the floor, and toilet. Since I need extra cash, I'm gonna make a proposition to the roommate. I am gonna offer to clean up his hair for $50 a month since he can't seem to do a thorough job himself.
In reality I don't wanna do this, but maybe if I say this then he will get it together? Or maybe I will collect the hairs and put them on a voodoo doll so that I can stick pins in it when I hear his loud ass snoring at night. He goes to bed at like 7:30pm so that shyt starts WAY EARLY and startles the cat and everything. Or better yet, maybe I will collect the hairs and make a toupee so he can put them back on his damn head.
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What does this has to do with brokeness? It's the Sybil Hour right now I guess. My head is all over the place and so is my personality. I am having confidence attacks and I'm all hyper sensitive about my race and my looks. I'm so conscious about people talking to down to me because they see my color first and hear me second. On the phone they hear my Black accent first and the words second. I'm flipping all around with my thoughts and I'm calling it my Sybil thing. (Sybil was a woman with multiple personalities, but I don't think I am anywhere near that girl.)
My therapist asked why did I use the word 'bitch' to name my post. I don't like being called a bitch but sometimes I do call myself that - but more in an Omarosa/Paris Hilton kind of way. Like I'm a bad ass. But this time the word bitch doesn't mean that when it comes to this blog. But on the walk back from the session I kept thinking that I should change it. It bothers me. Maybe that's a good thing though. If I don't wanna be a broke bitch then I have to fix it then. I am thinking of a new name, but I'll keep it like that because I think it gives my blog some charisma.
But look at this clip and you see how she flips when being called a bitch:
http://www.bvnewswire.com/2009/09/18/nene-leakes-who-you-calling-a-b/
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