Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My "Damn I Wish" List

I'm sitting here at work eating the mac and cheese I made at home with some macaroni that I have had for who knows how long.  But it was edible.  I'm cooking everything in the cabinets and the fridge nowadays and they are slowly getting bare.

I can't really search for jobs and stuff like I used to at work after the Big Brother call the other day.  I had a vision that this job told me that I was fired and I directly went out to the balcony here and just jumped over the edge.  I had to shake those thoughts off.  So to get my mind of off such morbid things and instead of blogging about other stuff in the world, I'm going to take a turn from the broke thing and make a wish list.  This is really a procrastination move as I was supposed to make a new doctor's appointment.  But scheduling the Pap Smear can never be more important than me blogging about myself right?  :-)

The list is more about what I wished I would have done in my life since I'll be 40 years old in less than 40 days. 


  1. Damn I wish I would have used some of the buyout money I got at Motorola a few years ago to get a nose job.  Seriously.
  2. Damn I wish I would have tried out for the pom-pom team in high school.  But I thought I was not cute enough to try out.  Actually someone encouraged me once but I still didn't do it.
  3. Damn I wish I would have never bought and wore shoes that were too tight because now I have corns.  And when I tried to solve the corn problem, I wish I would have noticed that the doctor who worked on my feet back in 1994 had left one of my toes too long and now I have to go back and have the corn removed again!  Arggghhh
  4. Damn I wish I would have tried out for commercials and TV shows when I was in grade school.
  5. Damn I wish I would have minored in Television or Media Studies at Rutgers while working on the Engineering degree.
  6. Damn I wish I would have taken that teaching scholarship at Lewis and Clark College in Portland and got my Master's Degree in teaching.  But I was too chicken about being broke again after my first stint at full time teaching and didn't do it.  That was a BIG mistake to turn that down.  BIG.
  7. Damn I wish I would have went abroad for one summer during college. 
  8. Damn I wish I would have taken more pictures of people in high school and college and kept a better scrap book.  But I hated pictures myself so it was quite natural that I had no interest in taking pictures of others I guess.
  9. Damn I wish I would have called my father at least once every two weeks to check in and say Hi.  Now that he's gone I regret that.
  10. Damn I wish I would have never invited my cousin "J" to work with me last summer because she just wasted my money and my time.
  11. Damn I wish that I didn't have to close my business in July.  This hurts me so bad.
  12. Damn I wish I had the ability to have a voice that was culturally unidentifiable when I call people on the phone to take care of business.  It always seems that I have to work my way up to a person's level in phone conversations.
  13. Damn I wish I would have never picked that damn mall to open my business.  I also wish I would have never picked the new location to move my business into because it cost me $25K and a bunch of legal drama that I am still going through.
  14. Damn I wish I would have never taken that money to the restaurant with me the night I got robbed.  The man stole $28K from me.
  15. Damn I wish I never applied for more than one credit card.  I mean I had 13 in college at one time, including a gas card and I didn't even have a car.  Pitiful.  I wish my parents would have said SOMETHING about credit and saving.  They never did.
  16. Damn I wish I kept up with my violin so that I could play in the subway and hustle for dollars right now.
  17. Damn I wish I had started my business ventures when I was in college.
  18. Damn I wish my cousin Kim wouldn't have gotten killed.  She was so much fun!!!
  19. Damn I kinda wish I didn't get my cat 15 years ago because living with cat hair is a beotch!
  20. Damn I wish I could get my revenge on the person who put peanuts in my gas tank this past summer.  That crap cost me $700 - money I did not have okay.  Only one person I know could be that crazy, and she is one of my ex-employees.  Maybe one day...
Ok so there it is.  Feels good to look at this list, but there are so many things that I can't do anything about.  That time has passed.  I am getting old and I'm still struggling.  Does it end only when you die?  Seems that way.

Anywho...lemme schedule this Pap Smear.  I'm way overdue and I need to stop playing.

1 comment:

  1. {Applause}.......................{Applause ends}. Sweets, identifying your faults is not playing! This is just as, if not more, important than your Pap Smear. I'll admit though, I figured the list would be be more upbeat when you went into introducing it but I'm still satisfied with the post & I know you're not here to satisfy anybody but yourself but that's just how I feel. Mistakes are frustrating. Some people learn from them, some don't & I get the feeling that you really learn from yours. I can relate to a few things on that list, especially the credit issue. My parents knew, also, but what's the good in knowing if you don't pass down that knowledge to the next generation before they make the same mistakes. It's like giving your kid an automatic handicap, like saying, "Well, I dealt with it so let them deal with it too just like I did." Ya know!!! I think your next post should be about things that you've done that put a smile on your face. Your "Things I've Accomplished" list. I'd read it :}