Seven Pairs of Shoes...

...and I still got this dude on my mind.  Every pair I tried on I imagined him looking at them with me.  So much for that strategy.


I used my tip money from the hell hole open bar that I worked last Saturday to buy those shoes, so before someone says "I thought you went bankrupt", that's what I did with half of my tips.  I save half and I spend half.  I'll probably take some back though.  I do that a lot; buy shyt then return it after I bring all my things back to the Honeycomb Hideout.  I tell myself I need a damn house and put it all back in the bags.
Well I put some of it back in the bags.  :)

The purpose of the shoes was to distract me from him but I still thought of his azz when I tried them all on?  So much for that.
.............................................>
He came by here yesterday.  When I met him on the street and I saw him from a distance, it was like the world had disappeared. 

It was just me and him there.  No sound.  No people.  Just him smiling at me.  AT ME!

But on the real though....

I never manage to keep the dudes I really like.  I worked tonight bartending and this customer told me she worked hard to keep her man. 

I had to ask myself...now how do you do that?  How do you work hard to keep someone around?  To make them love you?  Does that even work? 

I'll make confession at 2:49am in the morning.  I'm so tired but my feet are throbbing from being on them all night bartending so I can't sleep right now.  So why not blog and make a confession really quick while I wait for this Advil to kick in. 

My confession is this:

I don't know how to love anybody.

I repeat.  I don't know how to love anybody. 

I still take numbers and flirt, especially now since I'm bartending and I'm trying to get my tips.  I still go out with guys and even screw them sometimes when I am supposed to be liking ONE person.  At least that's what I have done in the past (not since I met this guy I haven't considered anyone else yet).  I'm not big on that one man thing I guess.  I don't have a lot of discipline it seems.  But I do like this guy.  If he knew me, he would know that to keep me he betta be in my face a lot otherwise....I dunno.  :(

So there.

I said it.

I don't know how to love anybody....at least not the right way.

That's my confession.  So now what?

(tapping fingers quickly on the desk)

I'll be positive.  I guess the person that I really doubt is myself? 
At least in this case.  And I don't write that for sympathy or to be criticized!  I write that because I THINK that is what I believe is the truth right now. 

Time will tell though.



Teach me how to love

Show me the way to surrender my heart, boy I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, show me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, boy I'm lost

Teach me how to love

How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, how to love