Monday, September 27, 2010

Seven Pairs of Shoes...

...and I still got this dude on my mind.  Every pair I tried on I imagined him looking at them with me.  So much for that strategy.

I used my tip money from the hell hole open bar that I worked last Saturday to buy those shoes, so before someone says "I thought you went bankrupt", that's what I did with half of my tips.  I save half and I spend half.  I'll probably take some back though.  I do that a lot; buy shyt then return it after I bring all my things back to the Honeycomb Hideout.  I tell myself I need a damn house and put it all back in the bags.
Well I put some of it back in the bags.  :)

The purpose of the shoes was to distract me from him but I still thought of his azz when I tried them all on?  So much for that.
He came by here yesterday.  When I met him on the street and I saw him from a distance, it was like the world had disappeared. 

It was just me and him there.  No sound.  No people.  Just him smiling at me.  AT ME!

But on the real though....

I never manage to keep the dudes I really like.  I worked tonight bartending and this customer told me she worked hard to keep her man. 

I had to ask how do you do that?  How do you work hard to keep someone around?  To make them love you?  Does that even work? 

I'll make confession at 2:49am in the morning.  I'm so tired but my feet are throbbing from being on them all night bartending so I can't sleep right now.  So why not blog and make a confession really quick while I wait for this Advil to kick in. 

My confession is this:

I don't know how to love anybody.

I repeat.  I don't know how to love anybody. 

I still take numbers and flirt, especially now since I'm bartending and I'm trying to get my tips.  I still go out with guys and even screw them sometimes when I am supposed to be liking ONE person.  At least that's what I have done in the past (not since I met this guy I haven't considered anyone else yet).  I'm not big on that one man thing I guess.  I don't have a lot of discipline it seems.  But I do like this guy.  If he knew me, he would know that to keep me he betta be in my face a lot otherwise....I dunno.  :(

So there.

I said it.

I don't know how to love least not the right way.

That's my confession.  So now what?

(tapping fingers quickly on the desk)

I'll be positive.  I guess the person that I really doubt is myself? 
At least in this case.  And I don't write that for sympathy or to be criticized!  I write that because I THINK that is what I believe is the truth right now. 

Time will tell though.

Teach me how to love

Show me the way to surrender my heart, boy I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, show me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, boy I'm lost

Teach me how to love

How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, how to love


  1. Wow that's pretty deep. C what I mean about U. I will refrain from some *trite* response.

    Definitions of trite on the Web:
    * banal: repeated too often; overfamiliar through overuse; "bromidic sermons"; "his remarks were trite and commonplace"; "hackneyed phrases"; "a stock answer"; "repeating threadbare jokes"; "parroting some timeworn axiom"; "the trite metaphor `hard as nails'"

  2. Okay,Eyes, so I see what you mean. I don't know, though, you seem to have your nose open for him already. Did everyone on the street really disappear for you when you saw him? That sounds like he's got you sprung. And I should know, because my young buck has been running through my mind ALL Day! It is okay to fall hard, but realize that if you get hurt, it is okay to get up and try again. I hope that you get it, get it!!

  3. yo nose is wide open like Mario and you should be shamed of yoself for buying 7 pairs of shoes smh LOL

  4. @ Sassy...*wink. What's goin on with ur nose over on your blog sista???? LOL.

    Dammit Khaki! That damn Mario reference was hardcore. LOL. I hate his nose.

    Again..MY NOSE AIN'T OPEN!!!

    I refuse to have an open nose! I refuse!


    As for the shoes...that thousand from the bankruptcy and my tips had me a little delusional with the shopping. Hell my bday is coming next month so Happy Early Bday to me dammit. (just trying to justify the purchase my love)


  5. I feel tha same way *sigh*

  6. Dayum...that was some honest shyt...i am trying to get current on all ur posts..but this right here I had to stop and pause...cuz I feel that way too..
    Lemme keep catchin up just wanted to say that ish while I was thinkin bout it