The Day After...

So about that post from yesterday.
The court case is over...and no, I AM NOT HAPPY OR RELIEVED.

The other side came up with a higher amount, but I wasn't thinking and f*cked myself on the negotiation on fees with my devil attorney.  The attorney did nothing on my case and I knew that for a long time.  With the bankruptcy coming up for me last year I had no money to retain a new attorney.  So I stuck with their lame asses.  I had no choice.

Anyway, it is too much to go into but I should have taken my ass to trial!!!  We would have selected a jury so that might have given me a little better outcome.  I just didn't trust who was defending me, but we did negotiate an additional $5000 on my claim.  My attorneys claimed that I owed them $17800 (lies) and that I had already paid $10K.  I know that there was no f*ckn way that I ran up a $28000 defending this shyt.  Bullshyt.  Strait bullshyt.  They were just trying to scare me into taking the bullshyt settlement that was on the table at the time.  When they saw that I wasn't falling for it, they sweetened the deal in order to entice me not to go to trial.  He comes back days later and says that he will 'wipe' out the $17800 that I owe him and he would take half of my settlement.  Red light.  Red light.  See, that tells you right there that those charges were not right.  Who would give up that much money if you owed it to them?

Anyway, to make a long story short, I split the settlement once it went higher and walked away because those guys weren't gonna defend my shyt right.  I needed to get away from them, but was it worth letting them take half though?

But for some reason I am not cool with that logic.  I am just not.  I wanted to go forward and go to trial.  That's what I felt most compelled to do.  But of course that costs money, and I already paid those incompetent mothafuccas more than they deserved.  It had to stop right????  I'm thinking that what I should have done was...

ahhh f*ck it!!!!!

I'm not gonna even say it and it doesn't even matter.  I know me though.  I'm gonna rewind this in my head all day because I made a mistake with my deal with these devils.  I'm kicking myself right now.  I really am.

Will the Diary of a Broke Ass Woman ever end? I honestly thought it would with the court case.

What I got is NOT ENOUGH to get started again with my business.  That's what's wrong with all of this.  I can't do shyt with that change I got yesterday.  Except.....

(thinking)

So while I come up with another plan I'm thinking about leaving here?  Since being here I have:

-Gotten laid off

-Been robbed at gunpoint and had over $20K stolen from me

-Got into almost $90K in business and personal debt

-Had someone put peanuts in one car

-Had someone scratch up and take a marker and write all over my new 2010 car

-Had problems with my old landlord

-Hated where I moved to because the people were making too much noise

-Got screwed when I tried to move my business

-Got screwed by my attorneys

-Lost my business

-Filed bankruptcy

And that's just what I can remember right now.  I'm sure there is more that I can add to the list.

Soooooo....what the hell am I gonna do now?  Why stay in the NYC area if I am just gonna work a regular job?  I can go back to the midwest and live a little cheaper and be closer to the family.  Moms is getting older ya know. 

I want to do something more than just work a job because unfortunately I just feel like life can be simply just about that.  Is that why we have children so that they can grow up to pay bills like we're doing?   Do you say,

"Oh I want to have a child because so when they grow up they can be a slave to a job and bills!  I mean I hope that they won't and be famous, rich, and smart, but most likely that won't happen .  But I don't care, I'll bring them here anyway!  Hell I'm only on the hook until they are 18 right?  That's when I can tell them they gotta get their ass out and live their life because I did my job raising them." 

I'm exaggerating, but isn't that what happens more or less?  When I see the old ladies on the bus everyday I ask myself is that gonna be me?  Old and sitting on the bus talking too much with a hairdo from whatever year I was last considered a (PYT) pretty young thang?  You know how old ladies get stuck in time with their hair style.  In court I saw a lady with a Jheri curl and barely walking, but she had on her work uniform.  Barely moving but still gotta get up and go to work.  Shudders.  You should see the HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of people I see in the subway hastily walking with wide, frantic eyes trying to get to work in the mornings like scared mice.  It really is a scene if you are paying attention to it.

Anyhow I'm getting off track with this post.  The point is that it seems that the older I get, the more shyt happens to me, and the more I get shyt on.  I am not getting better with age and I don't know how much more I can take.
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Sigh. 

Filipino dude wants to go out again.  I probably will.  I was thinking that I am gonna relight my Match.com account for one last month too.

Oooh, I have to post that information that I learned at the blow job class the other day.  That would suck if I forgot it all wouldn't it?  Lol.