Thursday, August 12, 2010

Day #312: This Facebook Shyt...

I slid by this bar to have a drink and listen to some music.  I was minding my own business and happily sippin' on multiple Apple Martinis (I think I had at least four).  I was coolin' by myself, and sitting there scheming as to how I was gonna get some more money in my pockets.  Snapping my fingers to the music and cougar chillin'.

Of course I was scoping out the room and checking out the dudes with the collared shirts between taking sips of my drink.  I don't know why my high beams come on when I see the Wall Street types.  It's just something about them just makes me get all charged up.  I guess I assume that they will be a sexy mix of smart, intellect, and nerd all rolled up into one delicious chocolate kiss.  But boy was I wrong.

SIDEBAR:  Why did Henessey just show up at my door at like 1:00am this morning?  I was talking to him earlier in the evening and my phone died, but nowhere in that convo did I tell his big belly azz to come to my crib.  Well I guess we all know what happened a while later - it turned into a booty session.  Hell, why not?  No need to waste a perfectly good d*ck when it shows up at your door unexpected like that.  :) I guess it helped take my mind off Saafir's death.  I still don't like his ways though.  Lame, no goal havin' muthafucca. 

So back to the story...

Out of nowhere these collared fellas come by me and start talking.  I was so buzzed that the next thing you know one of them was in my face.  I think we kissed too?  Or touched lips or something like that.  I don't even remember hardly to be honest but the guy said we did a few days later.  What I do remember though is that he kept asking my age and I wouldn't tell him.  He kept pestering me that eventually I just had to say,

"How old do you want me to be?"

He paused as if he were caught off guard.  Then he said something dumb like 55 or something to be funny. 

"Whatever then I'm 55", I said while calmy sipping  on whatever he had bought me by then.

"Ok, um 28".   Again I said cool, "I'm 28 today and that's my final offer", and I started clapping and drunk dancing in my seat.  Unless you are carding me for my drink what you need to know my age for sir?   All you need to know is what I'm drinking on and know to buy me another one before my glass gets empty.  Dummy. 

He kept on pushing me for the age and my digits but I wasn't budging.   Eventually I left because I was getting f*ckd up and I still had to get home on the subway.  I gave him my business card even though he insisted on getting my cell phone number too.  No way bruh!  After that fool sent me those naked pics on my phone I don't give out my cell right away to these fools now. 

A few days later I get a friend request on Facebook.  It's dude from the bar.  His message says "You shouldn't kiss strangers.  And you should give people your phone number when they ask for it."

Ok I thought that it was cute.  I was also a little flattered by it too.

I respond and we go back and forth but I don't accept his friend request after about a week.  I needed to see what he was about because something didn't seem quite right to me.  He keeps asking to friend him on FB so then I suspected that he wanted to try to find out my age from my page.  My name is common as hell so he had to search a little bit to find me too, and I found all of this effort he was taking to be a little bit odd anyway.  I smelled bullshyt.  So I Googled his name and he was a member of some Black website, and there he was with his girflfriend in the photo and making a shout out to her.  I got his age too - 27.  So what's really going on here then?  I figured that his game was about stroking his damn ego because I wouldn't give him my cell number at the club that night.  So being the risk taker that I am,  I decided to test my theory and I gave him my number.  The plan was to call his bluff because I already felt that this nucca was just playing games.

And I was right...

Once I gave him the number, he said wouldn't call me unless I accepted his friend request too.  WTF is this shyt?  Now getting your phone number ain't good enough anymore? SO MUST I INVITE YOU INTO MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK WORLD NOW TOO?  Straight bullshyt.  All of this damn technology is really taking the dating game to another level.   First I give my number out and this other fat fool sends me text porn, now this.  By this time I'm getting annoyed but I continue to play the game.  You got the number fool so what the hell is the problem?   We go back and forth a little more and eventually he gets tight about it and turns into a little bitch.  He said, "Forget the whole thing.  It's not that serious." 

You're right muthafucca.  It ain't that serious.  I never invited your azz to my FB page in the first damn place okay?!!!  You just showed up knocking at my FB door out of nowhere chump, and you have the nerve to get salty when I don't let you in even with a number in your hands?    All we did was get in each other's faces for like 30 minutes, and I don't give a f*ck if I did kiss you ( if that's what you said we did.)  I still don't know you dammit so you don't need to know what I'm thinking on FB.  You don't need to see me with my red lipstick and bra top circa 1991.  And you don't need to see what's on my f*ckin' wall either.  That's too much information that I'm giving of myself and I didn't even remember your name until you made the damn friend request.  Although I can limit what he sees on FB if I make him my friend without these concerns, my policy is that no one that I date or messin' around with gets access to my FB page anyway.  Point blank.

So I respond and tell him that I had a bad experience with giving out my info, and Mr. Smart Azz writes back,"  You can't receive the future if you continue to live in the past."

My response:  "I am learning from my past in order to have a better future.  Moving on."

This was certainly an interesting twist and I learned something new.  I guess now if some guy asks if I am on FB I will just say no at first.  Or create a FB page just for these fools.  As for the cell phone, I might just get one of those prepaid things and let that be the Cougar Phone (instead of the Bat Phone like in Batman) with no text messaging on it. 

"You have reached The Kitty Kat Hotline.  Please hold and the next available cougar will be right with you."

I need to bring this dating shyt back to the good old days when a fella would call you and actually TALK to you if they were interested.   This FB and Twitter shyt is getting crazy.  I don't even do Twitter okay.  If I am going to play the cougar role I guess I need to get with how these young cubs like to communicate?  My how the game continues to change.

I also realize that I have to come up with a slicker way of getting around the age question.  People just expect you to answer.  When you don't, then the conversation gets stupid and off track.  Should I just lie?  Should I just say it?  I dunno.  Gotta think about it.  It's just when you tell people how old you are it seems to change things.  My friend Kim said the same thing and she has also said that she doesn't tell her age anymore.  And she hates men so it has nothing to do with dating for her.  You would think that being older and looking a decade or more younger is a good thing; but it all depends on who you're talking to.  Skrait up.


I'm thinking that getting that other phone may not be a bad idea after all though. 

Went to my college reunion this past weekend and I saw MY FIRST again.  Man I fell hard for him back then! To say that I was strung out would be an understatement.  Still good lookin' though.  I would have talked to him more if his damn ex-girlfriend wasn't in his face the whole time.  She was still in his face just like she was in college and continued to block any access to the brutha.  Wow.  Some things never change.



  1. You gotta be careful with these young ones. They automatically think that they can do that crap 'cause you want them to wife you. It is really funny that they want to have this much knowledge about you and access to your life, but if you want to know where they live they get defensive. Because of his bitch-ass-ness I knew that he had to be 27. What is up with them? Just because you can say that you are darn-near 30 doesn't mean that you are grown! Why was he so pressed to know your age? Can you not just be attracted to someone out of your usual zone of attraction? Geesh!

    **Maybe you shouldn't post this because of my rant, but I just have to say that I feel your pain. My cougar stuff is not working out like I had planned.

    Anyhoo, It is great that you told him that you were moving on. But what a waste of chocolate sexiness and collage degree!!!

  2. Hey there
    The FB thing was great for about 6 months but then several things happened.
    1. Started spending way to much time just keeping up.
    2. All the random BS that relatives, friends, and acquaintances did daily was not only magnified but was available for all to see. What was most maddening was when folks interjected on issues they had no real knowledge of.
    3. Young male cousin was calling women hoes and young female cousins was literally showing their asses.
    4. My FB account was linked to my college job.

    When you find a solution to the age question let me know. I just decided that anybody that was way younger would be to much trouble and anybody older would have to bring something special to the table :) But that's just me!

  3. FB, this blog, email accts are just so much work! Ugh. FB is cool in a lot of ways but sometimes....

    I thought people worked up to being ur "friend". Not anymore it seems.

  4. Sassyme...

    Awww I think what you sent me was fine. I'm ranting just as much as you are!

    But thanks for 'feelin' me on this post chick.

  5. Whew, you are hilarious! This made me LOL "my red lipstick and bra top circa 1991". Starting to wonder if we know each other...tee hee!

  6. I'm on facebook but its a love and hate relationship. Most days it is just annoying. I have to admit though that I've fallen into the trap of having relationships via text, email, and im. Technology can kill your relationship if you let it.

  7. I'm feeling you on this post. I'm 23 and I still get annoyed with how Facebook has affected the whole dating game (or should I say, got annoyed, since I deactivated my profile lol). Guys seem to think that all they have to do is have a few FB chat conversations with you, and that's good enough for them to invite themselves to your house and shit. No sir.

    Lmao @ him getting pissed for not accepting his friend request.

  8. Since when did getting access to ones FB book page become MORE important than getting their phone number??? -- He lost me on that one.

    Mad because somebody won't accept your friend request??? You mean grown people actually do that?!?!?! *LMAO

    Poor thing