Day #359: Still Farting

A few weeks ago I blogged that my co-worker comes to my desk to tell me these random stories and then farts and leaves.

He just did it again.  Just now.  This time he was asking me some crazy shyt about Deniece Williams and Diana Ross, then right before he ends the story he farts.  And walks away.

I noticed that now he brings up Black movies and entertainers to me because once he asked me about a movie and I asked,

"Was there any Black people in it?"

"No."

"Well I didn't see it then."

That was the end of the conversation.
I thought that would get him to stop bringing his azz to my desk, but nope.  I guess he thought about it and since then he tries to tailor his stories to his audience (me) and only talks about shows and music with Black people in it.  Unbelievable.

(in my fake British accent)

"He's quite odd.  Quite odd I tell you."

I know in the last blog I said that I was gonna tell him about his farting, but I found out that he's getting fired in the next week or so.  Yeah, he weirded everyone out and he's getting the ax.  Maybe he messed up and farted in the wrong cube.  LOL.

So now that I know this, I can't get myself to tell him about this farting shyt.  I guess I feel sorry for him????

DAMMIT!  DAMMIT!  DAMMIT!

I shoulda did it before I found this out. 

Well I guess the good thing is that I don't have to deal with the farting and him digging in his nose for too much longer.

That's a crazy thing that this is something to be looking forward to ---- your co-worker getting fired so he can stop farting at your desk.

Wow.  That's some wild shyt right thurr.

Seven Pairs of Shoes...

...and I still got this dude on my mind.  Every pair I tried on I imagined him looking at them with me.  So much for that strategy.


I used my tip money from the hell hole open bar that I worked last Saturday to buy those shoes, so before someone says "I thought you went bankrupt", that's what I did with half of my tips.  I save half and I spend half.  I'll probably take some back though.  I do that a lot; buy shyt then return it after I bring all my things back to the Honeycomb Hideout.  I tell myself I need a damn house and put it all back in the bags.
Well I put some of it back in the bags.  :)

The purpose of the shoes was to distract me from him but I still thought of his azz when I tried them all on?  So much for that.
.............................................>
He came by here yesterday.  When I met him on the street and I saw him from a distance, it was like the world had disappeared. 

It was just me and him there.  No sound.  No people.  Just him smiling at me.  AT ME!

But on the real though....

I never manage to keep the dudes I really like.  I worked tonight bartending and this customer told me she worked hard to keep her man. 

I had to ask myself...now how do you do that?  How do you work hard to keep someone around?  To make them love you?  Does that even work? 

I'll make confession at 2:49am in the morning.  I'm so tired but my feet are throbbing from being on them all night bartending so I can't sleep right now.  So why not blog and make a confession really quick while I wait for this Advil to kick in. 

My confession is this:

I don't know how to love anybody.

I repeat.  I don't know how to love anybody. 

I still take numbers and flirt, especially now since I'm bartending and I'm trying to get my tips.  I still go out with guys and even screw them sometimes when I am supposed to be liking ONE person.  At least that's what I have done in the past (not since I met this guy I haven't considered anyone else yet).  I'm not big on that one man thing I guess.  I don't have a lot of discipline it seems.  But I do like this guy.  If he knew me, he would know that to keep me he betta be in my face a lot otherwise....I dunno.  :(

So there.

I said it.

I don't know how to love anybody....at least not the right way.

That's my confession.  So now what?

(tapping fingers quickly on the desk)

I'll be positive.  I guess the person that I really doubt is myself? 
At least in this case.  And I don't write that for sympathy or to be criticized!  I write that because I THINK that is what I believe is the truth right now. 

Time will tell though.



Teach me how to love

Show me the way to surrender my heart, boy I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, show me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, boy I'm lost

Teach me how to love

How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, how to love

Weenie Men Make Me I.L.L.

Someone I know is getting his azz wiped across the floor by his baby momma.  She f*cks him every chance she gets, and he doesn't do shyt.  Or when he does try to do something, it's like weeks later after he has strategized and created some kind of half baked game plan to deal with her.   And of course the plan never works.

Point blank.  He is just scared of her.

Before the child was even conceived, he told me that he had told her that he wanted to break up.  So what did she say in reply?

"If you leave me I will call the Department of Children and Family Services and tell them that you sexually abused my three year old son."

WTF???

So the average guy would have bounced right?  But not this one!  Noooo....he goes to his delusional strategizing and comes up with some two year exit plan to leave her.  He figured once the son turned five he would leave then so that the kid wouldn't lie for her? 

Yeah it sounded crazy to me too....

Then she gets pregnant.  I guess he couldn't stay away from that crazy woman's p*ssy.  And I bet she probably jumped on him that night -- because I can't even fathom him asking for "some" from that chick.  She probably was bossing his azz around during sex too.

Over and over again she keeps shytting on him, and now the little 5 year old daughter is disrespecting him too.  And any adult that comes around him.  He doesn't discipline her in a convincing enough manner when she shows her little azz.  I try to listen to his stories and give support and advice (because I have other friends going thru similar shyt), but he is just too slow to react and hesistant to have her taken to court for violating their court order repeatedly.

So now I think that I have lost respect for him myself.  Is that wrong?

I told him that I can't even look at him anymore.  I can't deal with him anymore.  Long ago I told him to stop telling me stories, but last week he told me that he went to his daughter's school to find out her schedule, and the school office told him that the mother had withdrawn her that morning.

Ummm, don't y'all have joint custody and aren't you BOTH supposed to make these decisions?

So what does he do?  He sends her a text two days later saying, "Please let me know where to pick up my daughter on Monday."

Not once did he question her about what she did!   Not once did he mention that she violated the court order. 

He's a lame and she knows it and that's why she does what she does.  Let's list a few of her stunts:

• Called the police and they came to his house.  For what?  To check his refrigerator to see if he had food in it because she claimed that the daughter complained that he wasn't feeding her.
• Refused to let him pick her up after claiming that child got ring worm in her head from his house.  He didn't see her for two weeks. 
• Asked if she could get an extra day so her mom could take her daughter to a holiday party.  When he went to pick her up she refused.  Again he didn't see her for two weeks.
• Video taped the daughter crying when he picked her up from the day care...instead of consoling the daughter.  Gave the tape to Child Welfare Services.
• Accused him of sexually molesting the son anyway!  Then lame azz goes to the police station to 'turn himself in'.  Why the Lord only knows?

Oh the list goes on, but those are a few of the highlights.

So why do I care?  Because I guess he is telling me the shyt.  I think he has no one else to tell it to.  I think he tells me so that I will jump on his bandwagon with him against her.  But the truth is that all it did was made me focus on him.

In my life I never met such a punk azz, grown azz man.  It's soooo unattractive.  It's sooooo pussyfied. 

Even though I am (or was) his friend I have to be honest.  I have lost respect for him.

It may be wrong.  But that's just how I feel about it.  Who wants to be around a lame?

I have tried to help, offer advice, and refer him to help for dads.  I even suggested that he speak to therapist about managing his bad azz daughter.

Point blank...just too f*cking NICE and way too focused on being the 'bigger man'.  I think he feels that if he gets fired up he is losing control. 

I would have never thought that I would be annoyed at someone that was TOO NICE, but it's true.

Call it wrong.  Call it f*cked up... 

but I can't stand a weenie muthafucka.  Friend or not.

And that's that.

Sorry but I just had to just get that off my chest this morning. 

Day #350: I Don't Want to "Feel Him"

I don't want to dig this guy I met too much.  But I think I do.

It feels good to think of him, but then it doesn't.

I find myself feeling that 'feeling' when I think of him; and then the next minute I think of him I'm giving him the 'side eye.'

I want to ask him questions, hear about his past lives, his wishes, and his dreams.

But then again I say to myself the less I know the better.

I want to just think of him as he probably thinks of me.  An object.  That way I can protect myself when he starts his bullshyt. 

(Bullshyt.  Am I expecting bullshyt?  Why is my spidey sense telling me to proceed with caution?)

It's too new to call it.  I'm not gonna be vulnerable. 

I have too many things going on for this emotional shyt!!!!  He's getting in my head and it's becoming too mental right now.  Because when he touches me I just, I just...lose control.

So therefore I have decided to think about shoes when he pops in my head. 

Or making money.

Not making love like I feel we would do?  Because I don't wanna do that.  Something is different.

Damn I really do like him, but I gotta keep my mind clear. 

Don't get caught up because you are too smart to be duped.  Everything is beautiful in the beginning then they start showing their asses.  You know the drill already.

So I gotta find out what's wrong with him quick!  I'm sure there is something wrong with him.   

Right?

Or maybe not?  Hmmm...

Until I know what to feel...I refuse to 'feel him' too much. 

Yeah that sounds real f*ckd up.  But I'm being 100 about my feelings. 

Yeah,

(*convincing myself*)

I'm being 100. 

Sigh.

"What's not to love about you...

Everyday I find more reasons too..."

Think shoes.  Think shoes.  Gotta think shoes.

Feelin' Like I Won The Lottery! - 2nd Post

Well, well, well.  Somebody f*cked up and today I am $1000 richer!

I filed bankruptcy last December and the court finalized it in April.  One creditor dropped the ball and sent my account to a collection agency anyway and their asses starting calling and sending me letters.  They also reported me like two or three times on my credit report with duplicate info which dings my credit score.  I didn't really want to bother calling them so I just emailed the attorney and asked him to write them a letter.

Instead he was like, "I'm suing them." 

Once the debt is discharged, it is illegal to keep reporting me or hounding me for the money.  At first my attorney told me that they usually don't award the debtor (me) any fees obtained in court on these matters, and the attorney would just get his fees.  So honestly I wasn't expecting any money and I was cool with that.  But then I got the call yesterday that a check is waiting for me at the office for $1000!!! The court awarded me damages from the creditor for coming after me when the debt was discharged and reporting me multiple times on my credit report.  At first I didn't believe it and asked the attorney was she sure because this type of the thing never happens to me.  But she confirmed it and told me to come and get my check.

So that's great news!  I was thinking that maybe a higher power sent me the money because some evil person vandalized my car back in December?  Maybe it's because I have been struggling and lost my business and thousands dealing with shady attorneys?  Or maybe it's because I lost my sugar bear last month?  I have his ashes in my house now so he will always be with me.  I miss him.

I dunno, but whatever the reason I am truly grateful.

I get the check tomorrow and I will be beaming all the way to the bank.  Yaaaaay!!!

Day #340: Spoilin' My Mood

"Can I come over?"

Laughs.  "What for?"

"Because I'm just having it rough right now.  Uncle Sam at my door.  Bills everywhere.  I have too much on my plate and I need a break.  I left work and went to the bar to have a couple of drinks."

"Yeah I can hear your voice sounds a little slurred.  How many drinks did you have?"

He sighs.  "Ah, maybe two or three."

To myself:  Ugh, I'm so tired of his lame ass but I really could use a little tonight.  (Nasty thoughts jump in my head.  I see the reflection of us in the headboard mirror of my bed.)  Hmmm.  I likes what he does to me.  He's already buzzed so I probably don't really have to entertain him much.  He'll be asleep right after I bet.  Yeah I can do this.  Sounds like a plan.

"Allright well I'm on the phone so if you wanna come over, come on." 

But what I really meant was... "Just bring your d*ck and your mouth and I'll temporarily waive my annoyance for you the 30-45 minutes it will take for us to get this done.  Cool?"
We hang up. 

Five minutes later he calls back.

"When I come over can you loan me $20 so I can park my car tomorrow after leaving your house?"

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!

Needless to say his azz didn't come over last night.

Question:

Why the fluck were you at the bar when you didn't have any damn money?

Don't you have any damn PRIDE to not ask a female that ain't your girl for a loan?

How is it that you work two jobs seven days a week and STILL be broke?

Some people are just hopeless.  I was willing to look past his lameness for a few hours and he still f*ckd it up.  P*ssy was right there on a plate and he drops the damn plate.  LOL.

Unbelievable.