Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Day #215: A Few Thangs That I've Wondered About The Fellas

I said to myself that I wouldn't make this post, cuz I didn't want to sound like a hater.  But then I said what the hell, I'm gonna go for it.  Hell it's just on this little funky blog that I have anyway so it's no biggie.  Hell if I was on mediatakeout or something I would probably get roasted for this post.

So with that being said, I shall begin...

Fourteen Things That I've Wondered About The Fellas

1. Why do you wait until we get on the date and then ask me what I want to do?
I bytched about this already on my last post so I don't need to say anymore on this one.  

2.  Why do y'all buy Magnum size condoms when you clearly ain't packing like that?
Has the average guy ever seen a magnum sized dyck before in real life?   Exactly and neither have I (in real life, lol).  So give up the dream and just get the regular sized condoms.  I mean really it's ok bruh.  I would chuckle more about the fact that you have the Magnum condoms than I would if you had the regular joints. 

 Look at the dimensions of this thing.  You wish!!!! 

3.  Why do you ask chicks for their numbers when you know you don't really wanna call them?  I asked this guy that once.  His lame azz asked me for my number once, and then a few months later saw me and didn't remember that he met me (I probably changed wigs - giggle), and asked for the number again!  So I asked him,

"Do you ask a lot of women for their numbers?"
"Do you really plan or want to call any of them?"
"Sometimes I do.  Sometimes I don't."
"So then why do you ask for the number then?  Is it more about stroking your own ego than the female's ego?"
He then paused and thought about it for a few seconds...
"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

...and this dude was in his 40s.  He said he just couldn't help it, and it made HIM feel good.  It wasn't even about the female at all with him.  Unbelievable.

4.  Why are all the cheap azz men usually fat and outta shape?
They don't wanna spend a dime on you or themselves in some cases, but when it comes to eating the sky is the limit - and it shows.  Bellies be all heavy and drooping but ask them to go get their haircut at the barbershop and they won't do it because the $12 is too much to spend.  But ask them to buy some Popeye's chicken and they won't even blink, "Ok, do you want spicy or mild sexy lady?"

5.  Why do you all holler out of your car windows trying to mack when women walk down the street? 
Then they always seem to do it when they are in their work trucks or vans.  Every time y'all do this I think of TLC's song, "No Scrubs."  As old as that song is it still applies to this day.   Losers.

6.  Why do men try to holla when women are sitting in their cars in traffic?
Are you serious?  I mean really.  You know damn well you can't really holla at me during a red light.  It's just some mess y'all do to make you feel like you still 'got it' I guess.  More silly games y'all play.

7.  Why do y'all pull on a woman's clothes or grab her arm at the club when she walks by you?
You know the girl more than likely ain't gonna stop, but you do it anyway for sport I guess. Again losers.

8.  Why do ya'll post up against the wall at the club and look at the ladies that pass by like y'all shopping and can choose who you want? 
And what is hilarious is that y'all stand there all cocky and think you got it like that.  Puhleeze. 

Cocky bastards!!!

9.  Why do some men wear their job or their success on their sleeve like women are supposed to drool over it?
Um, are you still working for somebody else?  Then I ain't impressed - but that's just me.  Some of y'all act like you're f*ckin' P-Diddy and created some businesses and shyt.  Or you invented craigslist or the I-Phone or something.  Man whateva.  I swear so many guys are defined by their jobs that it is sickening.  Always talking about what big things they do at their job and blah, blah, blah.  So without it what would you be then?  If that job was taken away from some guys I bet they wouldn't know what to do with themselves.  I am not anti-job though, cuz I have one unfortunately.  But it's just when guys talk about it all the time like they are the shyt is when I start to lose it.  It happened to me this past weekend.

10.  Why do men act like they are so hard, but ask them to go to the doctor, take medicine, or even give blood and they get all chicken shyt about it?
I knew this ex-con that bashed a guy over his head with a bottle, robbed and stole, sniffed cocaine, and been locked up twice but when asked to give blood his p*ssy ass turned into a damn weenie.


11.  How is it that some of y'all can wake up at 6:00am, and be ready and walking out of the door by 6:08am? 
These are the ones that will at least wash their azz and brush their teeth, but won't iron, will use bar soap on their hair, and won't put a lick of lotion or oil on their entire body.  So you walk out of the house ashy as hell; face dry, white elbows; and hard azz facial hair that feels like porcupine spikes - and you wanna kiss me goodbye when you leave?  Shudders.  Come on man!!!  I mean do you even take any pride in your appearance AT ALL?  Sheesh.

13.  Why do some foreign born guys seem more appreciative of being with American women than our own American born men?
In my travels, this seems to be the case usually.  They don't have problems spending money on you, holding doors for you, and treating you like a lady.  The bad part about them is that they are a little clingy sometimes.  I guess you can't have it all huh!  *wink*

And my bonus question...

14.  What is the fascination with azzes?
Sometimes I laugh when a girl walks by a guy and then he turns around and look at her booty.  I think it is the funniest thing.  The man will look and then go on about his business - most times unaffected and other times their eyes widen in delight.  Do y'all have x-ray vision or something?  Is it a law that I don't know about that you MUST look at a woman's azz when she goes by?  Does she even need a face?  What if women were just made of azz, legs, breasts, and a headless torso?  Hell that's what y'all seem to look at most times anyways.

Ok guys is this what you rather have? 
No azz shot in this photo but you get my point.
(Her boots are hawt though...)

Oh I could go on but I gotta go get my azz to the gym (pun intended).  I'm sure that I could come up with a least a few more but I'll chill and let these marinate in my mind for a minute.  Posting this actually helped me make some realizations about myself though.  I don't think I'm getting picky, but I think I am becoming less tolerant of an older guy showing the traits above than a younger guy.  This past weekend I hung out with a guy nine years younger than me.  It was cool, not 100% great but it was betta time than if I was with a Fred Sanford type that's for sure. 

Anyhow, it is what it is.  Will my questions ever be answered?  Will it ever be revealed why men play these dumb games? 

Probably not...but hey, life goes on.


  1. LOL I swear I have the same questions about #5, 6, 7, 8, and 14. I actually had a dude try to holla while I was on the highway doing about 70 mph, blowing his horn and shit. I'm like, "What do you want me to do? Put my blinker on, and pull over so you can get my number?"

    I still don't get the ass fascination. I noticed it when I moved to Atlanta...you're right, most of the time they don't even bother looking at a female's face. She could be a tranny for all they know lol

  2. Im sitting here waiting for the answers... I need to know.

  3. I know I shouldn't comment but there is something magical about a woman's azz especially to a black man. Now I appreciate nice boobs, face, legs etc. but nothing (outwardly) expresses femaleness more then the shape a woman's posterior. I don't know if it's the subconscious birthing thing, the shapely form, the distinct feminine movement but it's not something you think about. I guess it's similar to you lady's obsession with size although men don't use it as a put down :) They look and keep it movin.

  4. Thanks as always jb! I'm glad you answered!!! Hallelujah!

    Ok khaki...we got an answer from a fella. I didn't think it was gonna happen.

  5. @ UglyCleanBroke...

    That tranny thing is true girl. I had a customer who came in all the type and I would say to myself how beautiful she was, how her hair always looked nice,and what a nice shape she had. Then one day she wired some money and filled out the form and wrote down Marcus for her first name! Had me fooled...and I am SURE she is fooling a lot of others too! Like BBD used to say, "Never trust a big butt and a smile!"

    Hee hee.

  6. Lord, Lord, Lord... the Bible says that there will be some mysteries that will not be revealed until the end of time...

    These questions are some of those mysteries....