Piss N' Boots

There is nothing worse than sitting next to someone on the bus who has

shit breath,
sour breath,
garlic breath,
scallion or onion breath, 
Chinese Food breath,
Indian Curry or "whateva the f*ck they use to cook with" breath.

Geezus.  I mean I can only hold my breath for so long. 

Oh and let's not forget those who come on the bus who are a COMPLETE FUNK PACKAGE. 

This lady got on the bus and her cat must have pissed on her clothes and on them Ugg Boots she was wearing that day (by the way I totally hate Ugg boots and her pissy footed azz made me hate them even more!) 

I'll be honest - at first I thought it was me because have a cat  too.   I freaked and started to frantically sniff my own shyt to double check - my shirt, my bra, my bag.  My face had that "Where is that shyt coming from?" expression.  I think this lady sitting behind me thought it was me too because she sprayed some pocket perfume in the air.

"Hold up, it's not me!  It's her!  It's her!"  

I was guilty of funk by association.

The smell was strong too, and I couldn't move to another seat because the bus was packed.  A break came after a little while when she went to sleep and stopped moving, so it wasn't so bad.  But when that chick woke up, awww shyt!!!  She had the nerve to stretch like a cat and extend her arms making the piss smell rise to its fullest intensity.   It was like the cat himself had got on the bus.

Silent scream.  I put my hand on my forehead and prayed. 

"Jesus please.  I don't ask for much, but please send a thunderbolt of Febreeze down on this bus this morning.  Please lawd please."

Now I understand why people wear face masks on the subway sometimes.  At first I used to say to myself that it wasn't that serious when I saw people with them, but umm, now I see that it is.

They should equip the busses and subways with those oxygen masks like on airplanes.  Then when someone sits next to you with a high funk quotient you can just press the button and the mask will drop from the ceiling.  Hawt.