Why Did I Give This Fool My Number?

So I'm walking near Times Square and I stumbled on the sidewalk.  This tall, heavy set brutha appears and was probably asking was I okay, but I couldn't hear him because I had the earphones in from my IPhone.  I'm telling you those earphones are thee bestest because when dudes try to holla I'll just point to them and mouth the words, "I can't hear you" and keep walking.  It is just like having a can of Off Mosquito Spray.  Pshhhh.  Get away you bug!  LOL.

But since I slipped though, I took one earphone out as a reflex and he stopped to talk.  Damn.  Of course it was the usual babble and bullsh*t that I always hear.  So then he asks after a minute or two, 

"Can I take you out?" 

Shudders.  Ok here we go.

While giving him the side eye I say,"Yeah okay, I bet you say that to girls all day",

"Uh, uh.  Nah, I really want take you out.  What do you like to do?"

Man, I'm not getting into this right now.  So I say, "Dude I gotta go."

"Well wait, can I get your number?  Ooh I'm so nervous.  Look at me fumbling with my phone."

SIDE NOTE:  How many times have I heard that, "I'm so nervous" line in NYC?  STFU with that tired shyt.  Why would you be nervous doing something that you clearly look comfortable doing to me?  An-e-way.

So I give him the Nuccas and Fools Business Card that I pass out with this number on it that goes straight to text.  Before he walked away he called my phone and his number showed up.  He asked me to put it in my contacts.  Yeah uh sure.  Bye!

Two days later I get a text from his number at 11:00pm at night - and guess what?  This weirdo sent four pictures of this woman sucking and f*cking a man with a d*ck the size of like three cucumbers rubber banded together!   A white man too!  Well it coulda been a light skinned brutha cuz all I saw was a man from the waist down?  I dunno.  It was just ridiculous.

The text said, "Wow, look at this shyt!"

Now ain't that some far out shyt right there?  Kinda high school if you ask me too.  So now you can't even give your number out nowadays for fear that bruthas will send you x-rated text messages?  Unbelievable!  I told my friend about it (aka Porn Master) and he said that the guy must be gay if he sent a picture of another man to a female?  Or he must be a weirdo.  The hell if I know.   I mean I have had one or two dudes that I KNEW send me pics of themselves trying to get me to bite, but never did they send me pics of another man... 

Now I was trippin and thinking, how can I fix his ass, how can I fix his ass.  Ding!  Got it.

I go to one of those shemale websites.  I found me a REALLY NASTY picture of a chick with d*ck (and a few more d*cks in the pic as a bonus) and texted him back. 

My message said..."What you saw, may not be what you thought it was."  Yeah, let him marinate on that and think he met a man that he was "so nervous around".  Bastard.

So that's that.  No more giving out that card with my number on it, and I will BE SURE to have my headphones blasting when walking past these slick talking NYC busters. 

I swear that had to be THE LAMEST thing I've ever had a guy do - and he wasn't a youngsta either.  It's almost as bad as the guy two weeks ago who said to me while I was standing waiting to cross the street,


"I need help." 
"Help with what?"  (insert side eye, still walking)

"I need some pus*y."

"Huh? Oh well there's the peep show right there. They'll be glad to give you some azz."
"Oh I don't want none of them."
"So you just walk up to women and say that?  What if I popped you in the mouth?"

"Then you just pop me in the mouth. I'm just keeping it real."

"Does it work when you say that to females?"

"Yeah sometimes."

"Well not today, shut the f*ck up and get outta my way." 
I think he was high.

And guys wonder why chicks in NYC are mean sometimes.

SMDH.