Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Why Did I Give This Fool My Number?

So I'm walking near Times Square and I stumbled on the sidewalk.  This tall, heavy set brutha appears and was probably asking was I okay, but I couldn't hear him because I had the earphones in from my IPhone.  I'm telling you those earphones are thee bestest because when dudes try to holla I'll just point to them and mouth the words, "I can't hear you" and keep walking.  It is just like having a can of Off Mosquito Spray.  Pshhhh.  Get away you bug!  LOL.

But since I slipped though, I took one earphone out as a reflex and he stopped to talk.  Damn.  Of course it was the usual babble and bullsh*t that I always hear.  So then he asks after a minute or two, 

"Can I take you out?" 

Shudders.  Ok here we go.

While giving him the side eye I say,"Yeah okay, I bet you say that to girls all day",

"Uh, uh.  Nah, I really want take you out.  What do you like to do?"

Man, I'm not getting into this right now.  So I say, "Dude I gotta go."

"Well wait, can I get your number?  Ooh I'm so nervous.  Look at me fumbling with my phone."

SIDE NOTE:  How many times have I heard that, "I'm so nervous" line in NYC?  STFU with that tired shyt.  Why would you be nervous doing something that you clearly look comfortable doing to me?  An-e-way.

So I give him the Nuccas and Fools Business Card that I pass out with this number on it that goes straight to text.  Before he walked away he called my phone and his number showed up.  He asked me to put it in my contacts.  Yeah uh sure.  Bye!

Two days later I get a text from his number at 11:00pm at night - and guess what?  This weirdo sent four pictures of this woman sucking and f*cking a man with a d*ck the size of like three cucumbers rubber banded together!   A white man too!  Well it coulda been a light skinned brutha cuz all I saw was a man from the waist down?  I dunno.  It was just ridiculous.

The text said, "Wow, look at this shyt!"

Now ain't that some far out shyt right there?  Kinda high school if you ask me too.  So now you can't even give your number out nowadays for fear that bruthas will send you x-rated text messages?  Unbelievable!  I told my friend about it (aka Porn Master) and he said that the guy must be gay if he sent a picture of another man to a female?  Or he must be a weirdo.  The hell if I know.   I mean I have had one or two dudes that I KNEW send me pics of themselves trying to get me to bite, but never did they send me pics of another man... 

Now I was trippin and thinking, how can I fix his ass, how can I fix his ass.  Ding!  Got it.

I go to one of those shemale websites.  I found me a REALLY NASTY picture of a chick with d*ck (and a few more d*cks in the pic as a bonus) and texted him back. 

My message said..."What you saw, may not be what you thought it was."  Yeah, let him marinate on that and think he met a man that he was "so nervous around".  Bastard.

So that's that.  No more giving out that card with my number on it, and I will BE SURE to have my headphones blasting when walking past these slick talking NYC busters. 

I swear that had to be THE LAMEST thing I've ever had a guy do - and he wasn't a youngsta either.  It's almost as bad as the guy two weeks ago who said to me while I was standing waiting to cross the street,

"I need help." 
"Help with what?"  (insert side eye, still walking)
"I need some pus*y."
"Huh? Oh well there's the peep show right there. They'll be glad to give you some azz."
"Oh I don't want none of them."
"So you just walk up to women and say that?  What if I popped you in the mouth?"
"Then you just pop me in the mouth. I'm just keeping it real."
"Does it work when you say that to females?"
"Yeah sometimes."
"Well not today, shut the f*ck up and get outta my way." 
I think he was high.

And guys wonder why chicks in NYC are mean sometimes.



  1. Is it me or a men getting brave with this whole Calling Your Cell ON The Spot movement?? I used to give a fake # out just so they would move on to the next w/o me having to hear Bitch You Aint Shit NOWAY (which clearly isn't true)but now a girl cant even give out a fake number in peace and the only alternative is randomly receiving picture messages of white men suffering from elephantitis! I digress.

  2. @ atruhollywood....

    "give a fake number in peace"

    LOL. Gurl that's funny. But hey, now that this happened it is more reason not to even entertain bruthas you know you don't wanna be bothered with.

  3. Lmao @ your payback for his texts. What is it that makes guys think it's acceptable for them to do shit like that? I mean, is there a "look" on a woman's face that says, "Yes, I would LOVE for you to send me random dick pics?"

    I don't understand why dudes are starting to call the second you give them your number either. It tells me A) you're a potential stalker and I should head to court for a restraining order right now, or B) you're a lame that is used to girls giving you the wrong number, and you probably can tell I'm not feeling you, so why are you asking for my number in the first place?

  4. Wow, we live in strange times. I'm no prude and I grew up in the hood and even if I was thinking some of that sh#t I could not get my mouth to say it. But then again I look at some of these blogs male and female and the gloves are totally off - nothing is scared. Yea we had folks have kids at 14 or 15 - my son was conceived when I was 16 but there was a line one did not cross. I guess it is telling that he said that sometimes his line actually worked. I do not envy these times and wonder what could possibly be next - there is nothing left I can imagine even the she/he thing is almost main stream.

  5. @ UglyCleanBroke...

    I choose B. He probably gets the numbers but the girls neva pick up.

    Bruthas now know you really don't want to be bothered so I guess they are sending pics.

    Oh and I had to ask myself too, do I LOOK like a person that you could send nasty pics too. Hell, I think I was wearing a suit that day? It was business attire that's for sure. Things like this make you question yourself and the way you move.

  6. @ jb...

    Mr. I Want Some Coochie looked like he was at least 50 something. Old buzzard.

    What you said was interesting though. I say a LOT on this blog - so am I attracting this stuff? I dunno....

  7. I wouldn't be reading your blog if you did. My beef isn't on being nasty it's the mindless variety. As mentioned I am no prude in fact I've been known too say a nasty thang or two. More then the age of "Mr. I Want Some Coochie" is the times we live in. The only thing I can think of is the shock value - shocking folks must get some folks off - kinda like face tat's or green hair. The Rodman/Birdman/Tyson syndrome! I mean does that actually work for picking girls up and if so what type female does it fly for.

  8. @ jb...
    It probably works for picking up hoes. Even a young girl wouldn't go for that.