Thursday, April 8, 2010

Day #190: It Could Have Been Me Too

I posted about the couple the other day being shot.  It could have been me.

Two years ago this past weekend someone put a gun to the back of my head and robbed me.  It was all caught on camera.

The man walked up to me and whispered something in my ear.  It took me one second to realize someone was behind me and I started to scream.  He pushed the gun harder behind my ear and I fell to the ground.

He took my bag and ran.  I won't say how much he took because idiots will be asking dumb shyt like why I was I carrying that cash and blah, blah, blah.  F*ck you.  He took my car keys, house keys, wallet, passport.  I couldn't drive myself home or get in my house.

The cops made me take a lie detector test and asked me if I set the robbery up as an initiation to be in the Bloods.  Seriously.  Why in the hell would I try to be in a damn gang at my age?  They made me feel small.

That's why I see this therapist that I talk about in this blog.  I was in so much financial trouble that I felt that he should have just killed me anyways.  I was dizzy all the time and felt dead inside.  Everything in my life was f*d up.  Everything. 

Maybe that's why I am tripping about that couple.  It could have been me.  People tell me to be grateful that I am alive.  I'll be honest though, sometimes I don't feel that way.

I think I might go to the guy's wake tomorrow.  I'm tripping in my head today.  In my mind I keep seeing that guy running away from me with my bag.  I keep seeing it today. 

Hmmm.  Two years ago - April 3rd.

Why do I memorialize this?  I asked the therapist and she asked me to ask myself.

"I don't know why."

That was all I could say. 

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