Friday, April 16, 2010

Day 197: Weak Ass Games Nuccas Play

Every once in a while, you run into a dude that assumes that because you are single that you are SOOOO thirsty for some dyck that you will fall for the o-ke-doke...
Trumpets please!



I met this dude while I was walking in Times Square.  Because there are so many wide-eyed tourists clogging up the streets, people are always hustling shyt - bootleg bags, watches, show tickets, Obama condoms - everything.   So when I walked by he was hustling tickets to those comedy shows around there.  I didn't want any friggin' tickets, but we talked and even though the convo was real cool, I was already visualizing the word 'friend' tatooed on his forehead.  He looked aiight, but there was nothing there.   

I gave him my number anyway though.  "I need some new friends so it's cool", is what I said to myself.

A few text messages were exchanged but that was about it.  No biggie.  Some months went by and then out of the blue sky he calls me.    I had forgot who he was and even though he said his name it went right outta my head!  I was ten minutes into the convo and I felt bad because I didn't want to ask his name again after he had just told it to me.  So I just winged it.  He was too busy talking about himself to notice I had not said his name anyway.  "Oh I'm in the music biz and been to Europe," and yadda yadda.  

All of sudden though, things speed up.  He asks can he come over to my house to fix me dinner the next day.

Say what? 

Uh slow down brutha.  We had ONE conversation, I don't know you, and I don't even know your name.  So why would I let you up in my place around my knives and shyt?  Nuh uh.  So I told him that I thought we should go out somewhere instead.  He was like okay but it was like he didn't get it.  Now he was like well after going out I could come by HIS house in Brooklyn so he could make some drinks.   WTF?

We set a date to meet out anyway, even though he sounded kinda reluctant about it.  But thank the lawd it was a snowstorm that weekend so I didn't meet him after all.  Weeks go by and no call from him.  Cool.

So the other day, I get a text from him. 

"Hey stranger.  I want to see if you were busy tonight so that I can come by your house and fix that dinner that I promised you."
Are you a f*ckin' nut?  You don't even call me and we spoke one damn time.  And on top of that how are you gonna TEXT ME for a dinner date?  No game having mothafucca.  I already told yo' azz that you ain't coming over here.  Sheesh.  So I sent a text back and said I would meet him for drinks to see what his next move would be. 

You guessed it.  Nothing. 

Nothing but crickets, and that was three days ago!  If he was trying to be smooth he could have at least sent a text back to TRY to keep his weak game up. 

So now I'm trying to figure out what to make of that shyt.  Why was he trying to be all up in my apartment so damn fast?  Someone told me that he wanted to fatten me up so that when I went to the bathroom he could go through the panties in my dresser.  WoooooW (in my Flava Flav voice).   Did I have an encounter with The Pantie Bandit?  Nah I think he was more like The Pussy Bandit. Who the hell knows.

Or did I say that I was a Scorpio in our convo?  Did he think I was that feenin' for dyck or something?   Nucca please!  Don't you know I have a drawer full of toys and other random shyt that I can use at a moment's notice?  I can be quite satisfied with those and my freaky imagination alone.  I mean it ain't nuthin' like the real thing of course, but there are times when you kinda don't wanna go thru all of that. Toys don't talk back, don't beg, don't get sweat all over you, and don't mess up your sheets so I gotta be going to the laundry.  For real.

Or was HE thirsty for some azz?  I guess he called himself bringing his best game talking about "I'll fix you dinner" like I would get wet over that shyt or something.  Man save that weak game for the young chicks.   

And then he was like come to my house in Brooklyn? !!! Uh I don't need to go out of my area code for some dyck okay?  There are plenty of dycks right here in 201 area code that I can work with. 

Wow.  For some reason men tend to think that dyck is hard to find or get.  Um, no.

I don't have time to be playing games.  Most women don't.  If you trying to get some azz there are ways to make your intentions known, both smooth ways and freaky ways.  If you got game, you'll know when to pull the freaky card so as to not f*ck up any chances u might have.  When will some of y'all learn?!!!!!

A grown azz man playing p*ssy games is NOT the bizness...



  1. Man, will they EVER learn? I hate this dating crap b/c I feel like I am playing keep away and the men are playing hide and go get it. Can't we just go out to eat, see a play, read a book, walk in the park without feeling like we have to give up the booty? I was in Barnes and Noble and just because I commented on a Men's Health Magazine that dude had, he wanted to get all close. I was just exercising my social skills man...nothin' else!

  2. Hey Sassyme!

    I guess you are just too irresistible!!!!!

    Gurl they'll learn that they ain't getting none playing games if nothing else. LOL.

  3. I love this post! I think you just summed up my whole dating experience in Atlanta. I'll never understand why grown men get tight when they realize that you're not dropping your panties just because they cooked up some quesadillas. I've heard the saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" but I've never heard of "the way to a woman's goodies is through her stomach." These dudes need to regroup and try again.

  4. @ UglyCleanBroke87

    "dropping your panties just because they cooked up some quesadillas!"


  5. Reading through your blog and loving it!

    I think he was broke, which is why he wanted to cook your food in your house!